To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

I’m only here for the French horn love. My son is a horn player, hoping to become a pro. In lockdown he practiced with all the windows open, thankfully our neighbours liked it!
You could try a practice mute. Could she practice at lunchtime at school a couple of days a week? The world needs horn players- decent ones are in demand.

I never understand the people that post asking if they're being unreasonable, and when they're told that they are, just deny it and argue with everyone. What's the point of posting in the first place?

They're not arguing with everyone, some people think the op isn't BU.

To entertain me; it’s my favourite kind of thread and why I can’t quit MN.

I started out as YANBU but your replies have made me feel like changing my mind. 😂

I wonder why the neighbour can’t use wireless headphones (not expensive these days) to listen to Taylor Swift or whatever. That way he can play it as loud as he chooses, go deaf and won’t hear the French Horn. Also agree that a mute is reasonable for your daughter to use for her practice.
Having lived mid terrace for a few years with members of a band living on one side and Bob Dylan fans on the other, my DH and I mortgaged ourselves to the hilt to be detached for the next house. A wreck but our quiet wreck.
Good luck OP. I think your daughter sounds like a star but it is vital you can reach some kind of compromise with your neighbour.

Summysoom

As the next door neighbour was quiet when asked until the OP's DD started making noise.
He is not the one at fault here.

Going to amend that.

He is not the only one at fault here

I was going to suggest a trumpet mute too!

We have trombone, cello, piano, guitar and clarinet being playing in this house. Thank god we are end of terrace and until now our only joined on neighbour is quite deaf. She’s moving though and I’m bricking it about the new neighbours if I’m honest!

Well you asked AIBU and most people have tried to suggest ways you can try to minimise the noise. But you seem intent on continuing with the noise anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cool so maybe drive DD to a nice remote field for practice

Your timings are totally reasonable!

She is 9. Not a teenager.

True. I should have said that. I might have missed this suggestion but has OP asked the neighbour if she can come in to his house to listen? Might be helpful to hear what he’s hearing.

Probably the only instrument that sounds pleasant when being practiced is Flute.
Have lived in two places where someone far distant played the flute, and the tumbling sounds drifting across the air was lovely
It provokes a deep nostalgia if I hear it now.

Cello is pleasant too- Deep and resonant, but most other instruments can be hard to listen to.

A Mute is a good idea.

Yes you're being unreasonable, you have to be considerate of your neighbours if you live in a terraced house. If you want to practise musical instruments move to a detached house or find a practise room.

I don't think you should stop dd from practising at all, and it would be totally unreasonable for him to expect this. Unfortunately, I think you have probably created this problem for yourself by complaining about his music. Playing music until 9pm is not unreasonable in my view, and some level of noise is inevitable in a terraced house - you just have to suck it up/work around it.

If children are not allowed to practice their musical instruments regularly, where will the musicians of the future come from?

It is not possible to reach a professional standard on 20 minutes a couple of times a week.

My friend's DS was doing up to 4 or 5 hours a day in his teens and is now playing with one of the top orchestras in the country. That opportunity should not be denied to everyone but detached house dwellers.

There's nothing worse than a small child practicing the same song on repeat day after day. And the French horn is very loud. I considered a complaint to the council when I had it inflicted on me. But then I realised I would be a bit unreasonable to complain about my own son.

1pm is the afternoon. If he’s still asleep then tough, if he expecting no-one to do DIY etc too then. I’d tell him she won’t be practicing before midday and that’s reasonable enough. Good luck for the concert

Absolutely fine for the DD to practice as much as she is, and I don’t disagree on the privilege point about detached dwellers. What’s not OK, though, is to say that the French horn practice is acceptable while simultaneously telling the neighbour to keep their noise down. The noise from OP’s house isn’t magically better than the noise from the neighbour’s house because it’s more culturally acceptable.

And I think there’s a world of compromise on offer between the DD’s daily French horn practice – which even the OP admits is annoying! – and “20 minutes a couple of times a week”.

Well you're just going to argue with everyone that agrees with your neighbour so no idea why you are asking.

Actually while some agreed with the neighbour some didn't. So she has chosen whose advice to take. It just doesn't happen to be the one you backed. She doesn't have to do what you want.

No, but none of the advice of the “You go girl, musical instruments are important and he is being unreasonable!” ilk is going to get the neighbour to stop blasting Taylor Swift at the DS’s bedtime. Whereas compromising might.