AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

4% of people responding think it's reasonable ? WTAF.

Tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck. It's the only logical response to such fuckery.

“She is being completely unfeeling, insensitive and unreasonable. To say that to someone anyway is crazy but to say that to someone who has suffered a loss is shocking and a deal breaker in my opinion. Had any of my friends said that to me they would no longer be my friend, no matter how long and close the friendship.”

^I agree. I would be stepping away from this friendship.

Your friend is a cunt. And she’s not a friend.

I would have been absolutely perplexed. Who does she think she is to tell you how to live your life?

Do what you want. If you want to try to conceive, do it. Go to her wedding if you want but I definitely wouldn't if I was you. And she wouldn't be a friend of mine any longer if I was you.

Do not be a bridesmaid for this person, they have no respect for you and your life

What a cow. Please don't be bridesmaid to her.

I'd just drop out of being a bridesmaid.

No way could I pretend to be happy for someone as fucking cold as that.

This

"I was really hurt by your comment today. Given that I cannot prioritise your wedding over becoming pregnant again, it's clearly better that you ask someone else to take my place as bridesmaid"

Just pull out of being a bridesmaid. Tell her you must because, much though you would have loved to have been her bridesmaid, your priority now is to be in a position to conceive again.

What she said was hurtful, but not intentionally. It was just thoughtless imo. I should let it drop, but do pull out. You could do without the stress anyway.

I can’t believe anyone would ask someone who had recently had a late traumatic mc to put off TTC for over a year for her wedding. I’d send her a message to say thank you so much for asking you to be a bridesmaid but as you’ve got plans to TTC again very soon it just won’t work out. No way should she expect you to put your life on hold. If she’s funny with you I’d be sacking her off as a friend!

One of my friends booked her wedding 2 years in advance and insisted absolutely no children (including newborns) at the wedding. One good friend wasn't able to attend as she had baby that was literally a few weeks old. I got to go as I was about a week away from giving birth!

This - the second part at least. Message her to say TTC is your main priority and you can't guarantee you won't be pregnant or have recently given birth by her wedding so perhaps it's better if she asks someone else. You don't need this on your life right now.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My best friend and bridesmaid fell pregnant before my wedding. She ended up going into the labour the night before and having the baby the day after my wedding. I was gutted and heartbroken that she wasn't there but I wasn't angry or upset with her. I couldn't ask her to put her life on hold just for my wedding. She's still my best friend and I love her children dearly. Your friend is being very unreasonable to say that to you and if I were you, I'd carry on TTC anyway. It's your life, not hers 🤷‍♂️

Send her a message telling her that trying for another baby is more important to you than her wedding, and that since she knew you had a miscarriage three months ago, you are really upset that she could have been so thoughtless.

I'd tell her to find a new bridesmaid and would end the friendship tbh. What a self centred cow.

How ridiculous of your 'friend '. Take care.

Why do some brides think everyone should be so invested in their stupid wedding!? They honestly think everyone should be so hyped up about it and act like any participants have been given a gold ticket.

I hope you do get pregnant, of course for you but also to put a sock in it for her. You can gladly bow out of bridesmaid duties if it bothers her that much.
Of course your not going to waste any time when you feel you are ready. Screw her!

Put down the bridesmaid role and back away slowly. She’s a complete nutter.

What an awful friend!
I would speak to her and explain that u were so happy to be asked however, u cannot put ur baby plans on hold. Based on this, u are stepping down as bridesmaid but more than happy to help out where possible.

Good luck!

@LilyPad11 How WOULD you be being unreasonable to be upset?

She is BU of course

Just carry on TTC

Really OP, she values having photos of not pregnant bridesmaids more than she values you having a healthy child and the fanily you want.

That's just the truth of it. Your happiness isnt even a concern to her. It's all about one party being exactly as she imagined, right down to controlling people's family plans.

She is not the friend you think she is.

If I were you, I would send her a message now telling her that I cannot be her bridesmaid as my feelings toward our friendship have changed given her comments about my plans for a family. And the I would keep my distance from her and ignore any messages.

Your friend can get fecked. Do people really say things like that? There's self indulged and then there's this.