AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

Or she was joking. In which case it was a shitty joke, with probably more than a hint of truth in it, and I think you should tell her how hurtful it was.

It's true, actually maybe it was a bad joke....

Her wedding is not more important than your life - carry on with your own plans.

She sounds like an awful friend
If it was me I wouldn’t be bridesmaid

So she either doesn't want you visibly pregnant, or doesn't want you having a baby tagging along, possibly both. How narcissistic is she?!

Tell her no.

I would tell her that you found that hurtful and you think it’s best if you are just a guest and not a bridesmaid.

I hope your pregnancy plans go well especially after all you have been through.

so sorry you encountered such a horrible comment. It’s her not you.

Was it an ill-advised joke? I have a friend who would say something like that, and I would know she was joking. I don’t see how you being pregnant could affect her in any way? Unless there was time for you to have the baby and she had a no child policy, but even then surely there would be some work around?

Tbf I didn’t know which way to vote because the OP is U to even give it a seconds thought.

Jeez, with friends like that, who needs enemies.

Tell her to get bent. Good luck when you TTC

I'm concerned for you OP, why would you take this seriously? I would burst out laughing!

We were having a meal at the time and (luckily?) the waiter came over just after she had said it with the food and I didn’t want to bring the topic back up. I did have to try very hard not to burst into tears though.

I think you're well within your rights to tell her to shove your bridesmaid dress up her arse find another bridesmaid.

We were having a meal at the time and (luckily?) the waiter came over just after she had said it with the food and I didn’t want to bring the topic back up. I did have to try very hard not to burst into tears though.

Wow, what an absolute cow. When I had a very late loss, I was desperate to get pregnant again as soon as I could start trying and was lucky enough to fall pregnant fairly quickly. Nothing on this earth would had stopped me from trying.

She is being completely unfeeling, insensitive and unreasonable. To say that to someone anyway is crazy but to say that to someone who has suffered a loss is shocking and a deal breaker in my opinion. Had any of my friends said that to me they would no longer be my friend, no matter how long and close the friendship.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Pregnancy is creating another life. Marriage is signing a contract. They are incomparable.

If she was being serious you need to tell her you are going to continue your plans to ttc and youd love to support her wedding in whatever way you are able to at the time but you think it's best you step down as bridesmaid just incase you are pregnant and can't give her the support she (feels like she) deserves

I would ditch her as a friend to be honest. She sounds entirely self-absorbed. Is she generally so tactless?

That’s ridiculous. If you want to try and have a baby don’t let a friend stop you.

When I got married, my mum was pissed because that year was her 25th wedding anniversary and she didn’t want my wedding to over shadow her day.

I got married in July. Her anniversary was in August. She wore black to my wedding

We are NC now. Wonder why

What an incentive self centred cow. Stuff it carry on with your plans and she can stick her bridesmaids dress

I’m sure she’s joking. On poor taste and should not have said it.. but she won’t be serious.. surely

You can't gloss over this. I'd message back saying (gently) that you don't find this joke funny (giving her the ladder to climb down that it was just a foot-in-mouth moment)

If she meant it, then I think you might have to decline to be bridesmaid, and ask her if she wants that to be wef immediately, or just held a possibility depending on what happens over the coming months

A simple “Fuck Off, you lunatic” should suffice!

however, if you were feeling kind then…

“I’d love to be your bridesmaid but I’m not going to stop trying for a baby for a year to suit you so it’s probably better you find someone else to be your bridesmaid, presuming that what you said the other day wasn’t a poorly-judged attempt at a joke?”

Get pregnant whenever you want. She isn't a friend.

Wow. Ditch her as a friend and TTC! She clearly thinks her wedding is the most important thing on the planet. Do not put your life and what you want on hold for anyone.

Your friend is selfish and insensitive.