AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

BabyDriversMummy · Today 06:52

I wonder if she was joking? Albeit insensitive?
I wanted all of my Wedding Party to be carefree and enjoy every moment of our Wedding.

Is that what she meant?
Is she usually tactless

How exactly would being pregnant prevent your friends from enjoying your wedding? The world doesn’t stop turning for brides, however much some believe it should.

I think your so called friend is selfish and shallow just thinking about herself. Knowing what you’ve been through she would offer love and support rather than thinking of herself . You don’t need friends like her

Oh my goodness! Reading your post has made me so upset for you!! I really hope you ‘gracefully’ decline her request to be bridesmaid and concentrate on your own long term happiness. All the very best of luck with TTC xxx

Totally this!

was she joking ? that is outrageous if not. You cant put your life plans on hold for her.

That’s no friend, not a good one anyway. What a cruel thing for her to say.

OMG what a bridezilla!!!

I really would have a word with her about how much she upset you and that you want to double check that she can't possibly mean that knowing the trauma you've been through recently. Remind her it's absolutely insensitive.

Me and my DP (at the time) had been TTC for about 5yrs and had put wedding thoughts on back burner as so emotionally stressful. Then DH did propose and we decided to take a break until after the stress of the wedding.
Guess what a few weeks after booking the venue for a just a few months time found out I was pregnant at last! So I was pregnant at my wedding. Oh well!!! It doesn't matter! Why on earth should it be any business of the bride if her bridesmaid is pregnant or got a baby?!

Well she can fuck right off.

Have you been in touch since she made this rule @LilyPad11 ?

I'd feel that the only acceptable response to her rule would be "Well, Bridezilla, I'm afraid that neither DH nor I will be putting our reproductive plans on hold because of your wedding. If that doesn't suit you, I'll recuse myself from the role you have asked me to fulfil for you. Please let me know as soon as possible as times-a-wasting!"

Recuse is such a good word. Agree completely!

That was not a joke, OP, and no one was laughing

I'd back out to be safe

She's a Brudezilla extraordinaire

She's a nasty piece of work and not your friend with an attitude like that!

Tell your friend to go f herself, respectfully!

So her only reply to your worries about TTC was 'Me me me, my wedding, me.'

Imagine what she will be like between now and next December. Step away now.

“Friend”? Really? How awful. I’d walk away from this one.

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding recently, didn't show at 2 months, will be pregnant at another wedding in 3 months, will DEFINITELY be showing. Not a peep out of the brides who are overjoyed for me. That should be your bride's response.

If you're feeling generous, remind her of this. Regardless, get back to your plans and do what is best for you and your family. And seriously consider saying you can't be a bridesmaid at her wedding because you need to focus on you. I had to do this with my best friend through IVF. It was tough but our relationship wasn't healthy and I had to be ruthless in protecting my mental and physical health.

A real friend doesn't emotionally manipulate you. End of. And she Will be a bridezilla.

This!

She's not your friend, I hope you tell her to fuck right off!

OP go ahead and TTC. She's either joking and merely tactless, or an utter failure as a friend.

My maid of honour fell pregnant with her second and would have been due 6 days before my wedding... Apart from a momentary cry and ffs (it'd been a stressy planning day) my main concern was my best friend might not be there on the day.
Then we realised we had a Midwife, 2 nurses and 2 Dr's as guests so could be covered! I'd got made to measure dresses for the bridesmaids from a holiday in Vietnam and bought extra fabric as I was making the 12 year olds outfit as she was growing quickly and had my sewing machine in the car so I could alter the night before. Baby ended up arriving a week early and she fit in the dress despite only just having a baby.
Best of luck with TTC x

Your "friend" is crazy!! Don't put your life on hold for her. If she can't understand that then she's not a real friend. Sorry for your loss xx

To the rude, blinkered confrontational responders:

Get a grip and focus on what people actually say instead of getting lost down your own messed up rabbit hole. Where did I suggest anyone should get an abortion - are you for real. Completely unrelated and unnecessary response to my comment.

FWIW, if it was my best friend, I'd plan around her wedding (as was my suggestion) or I'd decline the bridesmaid honour. I would be so upset if my pregnancy adversely impacted my friend's wedding. That's just me. The OP asked for input and I gave mine.

MN is for everyone - not just you and your opinion. If you have a different opinion, that's fine, but there's no need to be childishly passive aggresive, put words in people's mouths and for rudeness.

100% agree with everyone suggesting you advise her to go fuck herself!

She may, but this is incredibly selfish of her, especially under the circumstances. Having her friend by her side at her wedding is not as important as her friend having a healthy baby. The only person whom she truly NEEDS by her side at her wedding is the groom!

Bless you. Miscarriage is one of those things that is so raw and painful. Good luck. I got a lot of solace on the ttc boards. There was one after you have had a miscarriage but are pregnant again. Sometimes you need the support of other women who understand.