AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

Sorry for your loss 💐 How dare she say that to you? Put your TTC at the front of your priorities, do not listen to her. A good friend would be so happy for you if you were pregnant before or during their wedding and would accommodate your needs into her wedding plans. I cannot believe she said such a hurtful thing. Terrible! That’s what you call a Bridezilla for sure.

What is it with batshit bride threads today?!

I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’
She's foul, utterly self absorbed and definitely not a friend.
I'd honestly be pulling out of being bridesmaid and telling her why.
I'm sorry, but I'm not putting my having a baby on hold when I've had difficulties conceiving in the past just because, what, you don't want your bridal photos "ruined" by someone you deem not aesthetically pleasing enough, bit too big? Or you're 5 years old and don't want your friend "stealing your thunder on your big day?! Which is it, hmm?!"
Watch her squirm then walk away from being bridesmaid at all. If she was any friend she'd want you as bridesmaid for you ( and happy for you if you got pregnant, not trying to make it all about her!)

Forgot to say that one of my bridesmaids was pregnant at my wedding, it meant we had to put a little bit more work into finding a dress to fit her bump within my very limited budget and I didn't have matchy matchy bridesmaids, but that didn't matter to me, because I love her and I respected that while she was exited to see me get married, her own life plans came first.

If she was your friend, she’d be happy for you!

At best this was a joke in very poor taste, and perhaps she is now cringing about it, as she should be. At worst, it's extremely selfish and bridezilla-ish.

What a bitch. I hope you told her to shove her wedding up her selfish arse

I really hope it happens for you soon OP, don’t let this non friend influence your decision to TTC. It’s your body.

Also it is very likely a future pregnancy will be pretty stressful and anxious, because of your previous loss. The last thing you need is to worry about what this idiot may think or say. You need to focus on you and looking after yourself. Best of luck x

What a nasty evil thing to say.

OP it's your life do it your way.

Wishing you all the best for the future 💐

I'm sorry for your loss. I've been there, it's hell. Get her to get to the far side of fuck, her request is totally unreasonable and lacks any sort of empathy. Do not put your life on hold for this woman.

Baby comes first. She is the unreasonable one expecting you to put her first.
.

Yeah, so she is a bitch.

You need to stop being her friend, do not be her bridesmaid, cut her out of your life and (most importantly) get pregnant or start trying when YOU feel up to it.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and I wish you the best of luck with TTC again.

Your friend is, of course, certifiably deranged. I would consider dropping her completely regardless of whether she rows back on her insanity.

Put your self first.
Do not live with regret, getting pregnant
Is the priority
Do not let your 'freind dictate your life
Ffs

She’s insane.

TTC as soon as you are ready, tell her when you feel like it and step down as bridesmaid if she turns into a bridezilla, you don’t need that in your life.

Are you sure you want to be her bridesmaid? She nearly made you cry at dinner with an incredibly unpleasant comment, even if it was a joke it was awful.

She's worried you'll look huge on the wedding photos and ruin her 'perfect' wedding photos.

Tell her you will conceive anytime you want and if you're pg then she needs a substitute bridesmaid your non pg size.

I’d just tell her straight that you’re not willing to put off trying for a year and if she can’t handle the possibility of a pregnant bridesmaid, you’re not going to be a bridesmaid.

Maybe it was meant as a joke but delivered badly. So if she is normally a decent friend I’d wait to see how she responds.

Oh my god. Please don't be her bridesmaid!

Agree with this!

Please refuse to be bridesmaid! She's no friend. She's terrified it'll be 'all about you'. Just imagine what the hen do will be like. That's a big fat NO! Please don't, for your own health.

What a selfish and entitled bridezilla!
OP this is absolutely insane and I hope you can see it. I think you are being VERY unreasonable for one thing - choosing to take it as a joke. No, it wasn't a joke, your 'friend' is terrible and you need to kindly suggest she shoves the invitation up her arse.
I had two losses and onto my third pregnancy now, still in the firs trimester and absolutely shi**ing bricks every single day. It is beyond stressful and the LAST thing you would want in this situation is someone criticizing your pregnancy or even getting angry as she put it! Please cut all ties with this entitled person to protect yourself.
I would 100% be sending her a strongly worded message.

Surely a bad attempt at a joke?
A strange thing to say though.
What would it matter if you were pregnant?
No one would mind or notice!
Good Luck

@oakleaffy I really don't think it was a joke as seen multiple similar stories when watching bridezilla videos on youtube. Apparently it's a thing with some bridezillas. Especially seems to be a thing in US. It's either 'I don't want you pregnant in photos' or 'if something happens again, people will focus on you and not me'.

Obviously without being there and hearing her tone she might have been joking. However that's certainly not a "joke' to be making to a women who has suffered a miscarriage. Therefore either way she's an insensitive twerp at best and a narcissist at worst. How dare she dictate what you do with your body. I'd be telling her to stick her Wedding where the sun don't shine.

Tell her to fuck off. That's beyond insane, no true friend would say that. Good luck trying to conceive - hope you end up with a due date just before her wedding so you can show up with a baby and steal the thunder.

Honestly, don't assume it's a joke. Really, don't. She is absolutely being a cow (joke or not) but the last thing you want to do is 'spring' a pregnancy on her if she was serious (and I believe she was). All hell is going to break loose and it's probably going to be very, very unpleasant and upsetting for you. I also think that making the offer to 'graciously withdraw' as opposed to presenting her with a 'fait accompli' 2/4/6 months from now may save your friendship (if you still want it).

I'd message her along the lines of "<Name>, I was thinking about what you said the other day and just on the off chance that it wasn't a joke, I wanted to let you know that, as much as our friendship means to me, I will NOT be putting off TTC for an entire year in order to be a bridesmaid. Whilst I'll be disappointed not to be part of your wedding party if you so decide, starting a family must be my first priority. I'm sure you'll understand. I'll joyfully attend as a guest and share your special day that way.".