AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

Shes completely BU-but i wouldnt wait till it comes up again as she will think youve accpeted her orders

you have to have the conversation that you wont be putting off ttc and probably should step down from being a bm-her reaction will tell you everything

I think YABU because you’re actually giving this some consideration - you’re pregnancy will be overshadowed by disappointing your friend?? Really? I’m gonna be harsh and say if you plan to be a parent then get a grip and grow a back bone right this minute.

YANBU! I really hate how people think that their wedding is the most important thing in EVERYONE’S lives. I know I’m generalising but I really do believe that no one truly cares about other peoples weddings… I’d go as far as to say that the day before the wedding, a proportion of wedding guests will be wishing they werent going as they are such long and dull days for anyone other than the bride and groom! With that in mind, please do not let this delay you TTC!!!! Good luck with it and wishing for a lovely healthy pregnancy and baby as soon as possible :) xx

Completely agree with this!

I don’t swear all that often but she can fuck right off. How bloody dare she, selfish cow.
I would be declining the invite (and not politely either).

Genuinely cannot comprehend why someone being pregnant would (in the words of 27 Dresses) 'throw off the aesthetic'. I really pity her fiancé if a wedding to her is about image, getting hammered with her mates... or whatever it is that is making her this bothered about you not being pregnant.

It's a day about love and friendship; a bridesmaid who is pregnant would just remind everyone about one of the most important parts of the marriage contract.

I would probably back down from being bridesmaid to be honest. She sounds a nightmare.

She's isn't your friend. She will be a Bridezilla. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

I wouldn't worry about it, but I would contact her and say thanks for the invite to be her bridesmaid, but obviously you and your DH aren't going to be TTC on hold for a year or more. So you're sorry but you decline the invite. If she comes back with any more crap then honestly I'd block and go NC, because the whole thing (wedding, build up, hen etc) will be an utter nightmare.

YANBU!
You just need to gracefully withdraw.

Just explain to her that conceiving, especially after you recent trauma is going to be a big focus for you over the coming year and as she is such a dear friend, you don’t want to have conflicting priorities. Say given her comments you feel the only fair thing to do is be upfront now about this so she doesn’t feel let down or disappointed at a later date - that you care about her too deeply and the friendship is too important to you to feel like you might let her down in that way (yes, do milk it!).

This tells her exactly how you feel in a diplomatic way. The wedding is about her and her DP - you shouldn’t be expected to put your life on hold because they have decided to have a public celebration of their partnership. Honestly, how ridiculous.

I also have alarm bells re: her lack of consideration if she was as blasé as your post suggests (haven’t read any follow-up so apologies if you have gone into further detail and I have missed it). Her attitude really does lack empathy and compassion.

Sometimes it’s shocking how horrible people can be. I wouldn’t want to be her bridesmaids or her friend after that comment. Thoroughly unpleasant.

Do not put your life on hold for someone else's wedding.
A true friend would understand.
Good luck.

She said what now?!

So she expects you to wait at least another year before you try again, knowing that another year will make it that little bit more difficult to get pregnant?!
Tell her to get lost!
If she was any sort of friend, she wouldn't expect her one day of dress up, to trump your situation.
Find a better friend and don't go spending a fortune on hen do's/presents/anything else, you may need that money for better things.

She's not your friend, assuming it wasn't a tasteless joke , I'd tell her I won't be her bridesmaid and go NC. She's a disgusting person.

How did your husband respond when you told him? If it was a joke, it’s an awfully insensitive one, and if she was serious, then she’s no friend. Nobody knows how long a fertility journey will be so who the hell is she to dictate when you conceive.

Get a grip of yourself

Honestly I'd probably send her a message telling her that you'd assumed she was joking, but you most definitely would not put off TTC and if she decided to reconsider the offer to be a bridesmaid to let you know.

Hopefully she replies back reaffirming it was a joke. If she sends back anything else I would reconsider the friendship.

🤣 christ her wedding day is just another day to anyone else but her, her husband and their vv close family. Why on earth would you being pregnant or bringing a small baby impact anything? Apart from the dress fitting which really isn't a big deal, I fail to see what business it is of your friend's? Don't give it another thought, if it makes you feel better just say you'll attend as a guest instead of be a bridesmaid, there's nothing for her to be concerned about then, unless all guests aren't allowed to be pregnant in the next 12 months 🤔🤣

I was 38 weeks pregnant when I was bridesmaid for my sister, happy to private message you the photos but it honestly didn't notice given the clever styling of the dresses!

She really shouldn't being setting such conditions, maybe thank her and tell her with would love to be a bridesmaid but sadly must decline as you would like a family and are TTC xx

Seriously? One of my friends was TTC before my wedding and I wouldn’t have given a damn if she’d have walked down the aisle with me almost 9 months gone… I’d have just been looking forward to welcoming another little bean to the ‘family we choose’.

As it happens she didn’t and both my friends got shitfaced at my wedding and had the best time, as did I (although I didn’t get shitfaced), but that’s another story 😂

Yanbu your friend may have been being very thoughtless but that was an extremely hurtful thing for her to say considering your past and assuming she knew it all.

I'm going to play devils avocate here and say she's getting carried away with the whole 'it's my big day' thing. Surely she's just been incredibly thoughtless as after having gone through what you've been through she must have known that would be hurtful.
Good luck op TTC, 🤞

If she was joking, it’s not funny. If she wasn’t, she’s barking. Step away from her. Concentrate on you, partner and do hope for you, a baby.

Here's a 'joke', ask your awful friend if she wouldn't mind rearranging her wedding until you have had a baby. Then say "My wanting a baby means as much to me as your wedding does to you, I can't believe as someone I thought of as a close friend could say what you did to me, knowing what I have gone through"

None of this apologetic grovelling about being unable to be a bridesmaid for her.

She's insane! Was she joking or deadly serious? Either way, YANBU in any way, shape or form. Sorry for your loss, and best of luck TTC again x

Omg. So sorry for you loss. Sending baby dust in every cloud and raindrop! Your precious baby is for you and your man for ever to cherish. Her wedding is your friends to cherish but should not infringe on your life in that way. Tell your friend that you are sorry but you can not promise you wont be pregnant and let her make her decition about what to do. If ahe is funny about it, walk away, she is not a friend. Ask her if she would do the same for you if you had asked. She is ignorant as she doesnt understand that it is not something you put on hold.

You are not being unreasonable. Your friend is being a pantomime cow.