AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

If she wants children tell her she can't ttc until you have delivered your healthy rainbow baby ( after waiting to ttc until after her weddings)
. Someone people Need to set how is no one else business.

in Surrey about your MC, rainbows do come. Good luck

A true friend would be happy for you if you end next year with a baby in your arms. This woman is not a friend. Good luck with TTC!

That’s so insensitive and hurtful. I’d tell her that you don’t intend to change your plans so maybe it would be better to pass on the bridesmaid post. To be honest it sounds like it’ll be a bit of a nightmare anyway haha

Omg, she can not demand that of you! How dare she say that 😡

I'd politely tell her you are really hoping to have a baby and it's a big thing in your life right now, just like her wedding is to her. Tell her, because of what she has said, you won't be able to be a nriedesmaid but hope you can still be part of the day

This exact scenario happened to my colleague, but the wedding is 2 years away, she has already started planning for a nursery, and is in her thirties, got married this year herself, one of the reasons she wanted to start a family, the friend is getting married abroad and she doesnt want her to be pregnant or bring a baby/child.

I think the response to that is “I’m sorry you feel that way. At least there is plenty of time for you to find another bridesmaid.”

Firstly OP I am really sorry for the loss of your little one. It's an awful experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

What happens to some people when they plan their wedding? Do they have their brains rewired to make them think that only they & their wedding matters?

I think you have a wonderful attitude to assume it's a joke as you don't need the stress. If it turns out to not be a joke then you maybe need to remove the person from your friends list.

Good luck lovely ❤️

YADNU
What a rubbish friend she is.
I can't believe some people have said yabu

She sounds terrible, sorry she is being like this it must hurt. Obviously do not put TTC on hold. I’m so sorry you have experienced loss. I too lost pregnancies. I wanted to mention that ubiquinol supplements really helped me conceive. Sending baby dust to you x

You need to be honest and assertive with her. Tell her you and DH may decide to try and if she wants to choose another bridesmaid you understand. She may just have said without thinking. Your future is more important than being a bridesmaid.

If you're ready to TTC, could you try until March and then again from October? It may be that your friend really wants you there by her side and is be worried this may not be possible if you conceive.

What! As if you haven't been through enough,miscarriage is heartbreaking .
You try again whenever you want,no one else's business,I wish you good luck and happiness!

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour on her part.

Weird. You must get pregnant when you want to/can do and absolutely only then. Nothing to do with your friend.

Awful bridezilla.

Dear op you most certainly are not being unreasonable, wishing you well and also wishing you a safe and healthy pregnancy once it happens for you. Love and luck to you xxx

Total narcissist alert …..this is more than insensitive and actually quite cruel and controlling . Good luck with your plans . DON’T let her put you off .xx

Drop her. Block her. Ghost her. Horrible bitch. Any objections from her - show her this thread.

Disgusting and insensitive comment for her to make given your miscarriage.
Try again when you are ready & if she doesn't like it she can find another bridesmaid.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

She is not a friend. When I got married, my 4 best friends were my bridesmaids and I couldn't of cared less if they put on 4 stone, lost 4 stone, had twins, chopped off their hair. It's always very bizarre to me when people try and dictate what goes on in others lives.

Please do not put TTC on hold if that's what you and your OH want to do.

Wishing you all the luck in the world for a successful and healthy pregnancy ♥️

I basically told all my friends they couldn’t get pregnant before my wedding because I wanted them all drinking with me. I was the last of our group to get married and they had all had 1 baby and I hadn’t had a night out with all of them in 5 years. They took exactly ZERO notice of me (as I expected… it was 95% a joke) and I, myself ended up 5 weeks pregnant myself (and drinking sparkling water) at my hen do. Look. It wasn’t a nice thing to say because of your MC but is she really expecting you not to keep TTC? If she does then she’s a shitty friend. Just keep going along your own path and ignore her. People say stupid things. Wedding make people (especially brides) act crazy. She will regret it and be embarrassed later on.

Hopefully people who thought she should be angry, not upset 💁🏻‍♀️ Lots of people also don't know how easy it is to change your bite if you make a mistake (just tap the other option)

Omg 😲, all the best op

Friend, you say??

It doesn't sound it, but even if it was, right after she's had a M/C A REAL friend doesn't make that kind of 'joke'.

@LilyPad11 I would just say to her that your plans for a family are more important to you than her wedding day, so best she chooses someone else, You don't need the tress if the situation hanging over you. Let some other mug do all the running around after her. Whether you do or do not get pregnant you're going to have a lot in your plate without her nonsense!

Best wishes you have a First Christmas baby next year ❤️

She's not your friend.