AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

What a complete cow.

My cousin's baby was born on his brother's wedding day. Everyone was delighted.

A good person does not see another person's happiness as overshadowing theirs.

Personally I wouldn’t assume it was a bad joke, or avoid the issue. I’d bring it up, ask her. Tell her that getting pregnant is as important to you as her wedding is to her. Tell her you’re delighted to be her bridesmaid but if she really meant that you’re going to refuse being a bridesmaid and just step back to being a normal guest. If she gets snotty point out that HER COMMENTS DERPLY HURT AND UPSET YOU. (If she can’t rein herself in she’s not much of a friend).

Yep, me too.

So sorry for your loss!xxx
your friend is the one being unreasonable and selfish and especially given your tragic experience it's ridiculous she even mentioned that especially in such a crude way.
What you are feeling is totally expected, tbh I am not sure she'd still be my best friend after that comment.
my first son was stillborn at nearly full term and I had a fair share of stupid and clumsy remarks from people but coming from a close friend an insensitive and selfish comment is worse especially that it followed you opening up to her about your worries and concerns.
xxx

Fuck her

I bet it wasn't a joke. She's not much of a friend.

You sound very vulnerable OP.

Dump this woman and her wedding.

Schedule some counselling to help you heal and figure out why your boundaries are so weak that you wouldn't automatically know that her request was obscene and deeply offensive.

Please learn to protect yourself.

Oh for goodness sake do you really need to ask on here if you should delay having a baby

I've mentioned further down..

DHs DN was getting married ......

One of her BM was heavily pregnant, she was a beauty, so embraced by all around her! Just lovely!

Ridiculous! planning for a much longed child versus dressing up in some frilly frock so the pictures look alright on her big, stupid day. Vacuous doesn't even begin to describe it. Do not let this so called entitled friend dictate your future plans, so much important than her wedding bollocks, what sort of friend is she to ask you to make such a sacrifice ?

To put this kindly she sounds like the type of friend that'll disappear when you have a baby anyway.

By pulling out of being her BM you'll likely be saving yourself a lot of hassle;she seems the type to be a annoying demanding bridezilla.

If she was truly your friend she'd understand what having a baby means to you.

Some friend! As the old saying goes “with friends like that, who needs enemies”.
I think some distancing is probably in order, to be honest.

She would be an ex friend if she said that to me.

My chief bridesmaid was 8months pregnant, we decided she would do all the matron of honour (maid seemed to be pushing it 🤣) stuff, staying with me night before getting ready with us etc, but wear what was comfy, sit up the front but not have to walk down the aisle behind me/stand around, and do a reading if she felt up to it. Another bridesmaid was 5m pregnant and I let her choose what ever dress style worked for her on a colour scheme 🤷‍♀️.... having my friends with me and comfortable was the most important thing..

That is an absolutely awful thing to say. It really is disgusting and I hope you can tell her this because she needs to hear it. So sorry OP, that must be so upsetting.

I'd ignore her and carry on TTC if that's what you want to do. Brides can sometimes get a little crazy and unreasonable about things and just not see it at the time.
If it happens for you either reassure her it won't affect being a bridesmaid or offer to not be one if she prefers I guess? Or refuse now if those are her terms

Surely she was joking? If not, pull out now, just in case.

I would be opting out of being bridesmaid and even going to the wedding by informing her that your personal circumstances are uncertain and you cannot commit to HER wedding.

Tough titty if she doesn’t like it.

I’d be telling her you just aren’t emotionally in the right place following your miscarriage to be able to devote the time and energy needed to be her bridesmaid, and that you need to focus on your own priorities and fertility over the next year. Totally reasonable, if she’s a good friend she’ll understand. If she’s a selfish bitch then she’ll dump you as a friend and good riddance.

I may have punched her I would definitely have told her to fuck off the insensitive bitch!

I hope you conceive [yesterday] and have a beautiful and healthy baby even before your friend 's wedding 💝

I wish you had cried and walked out tbh told her to go f herself.

This!

Wow. With friends like that who needs enemies eh? I am sorry to hear about your past struggles. Please, please do what works best for you and your partner - your friend does not deserve a passing thought. Also I've been the bride with 2 pregnant bridesmaids, i couldn't have been happier for them, and I'm bridesmaid next summer whilst TTC 2nd baby - the bride made a point of saying to me to work away and not let her wedding have any impact on my plans. That is how friends think and act. Sending you the best wishes x

I would decline your invite, an old friend of mine got married and her bridesmaid fell pregnant just before the hen do then the wedding, she was angry with her and she didn't hide the fact. They're no longer friends which I find really sad.