AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

She is now a friend

how she can ask that is insane

I’m so sorry for your loss.
like others have said your situation is far more important than her wedding and she’s not a friend if she can’t get that.
good luck with your journey going forward.

This is my first ever post/reply on here in 9 years! But I had to say something… you crack on and tell her to fuck the hell off! 🤷🏼‍♀️😊

That’s one incredibly selfish friend, I don’t think though you could even call her a friend!!. I’d step away from that toxic friendship now. You TTC is far more important than keeping her happy. The stress you’ll be causing yourself if you stick around & I can only imagine the stress of the hen party alone never mind her big day.

Op I’m so sorry for your loss xx

i know someone who said this, both me and friend just laughed, but she was deadly serious - and neither of us are even bridesmaids. Absolutely bonkers. Having said that, she’s more of an acquaintance than friend to me, so it humoured me more than anything. But in your situation there’s no way i’d still be her bridesmaid and not a chance in hell i’d stop ttc.

If I was you I'd message her tell her straight just how miserable her comments made you feel. Not an ounce of sympathy or compassion for you from her. And that after a long hard think you've decided its best all round if you are not taking part in the wedding.

And also tell her that you and your husband will try for an other baby when the time is right for both of you not to fit in with her or her wedding plans.
The world does not revolve around her.
She sounds a self centred over entitled bitch.

Your better off backing out now and save yourself a whole lot of heart ache from her in the next 12 months.

So sorry for your loss.
When your baby arrives he/she will be your rainbow 🌈 baby and bring you more love and sunshine than you will ever think possible..
Good luck to you and your husband...

She isn’t a real friend and this wedding is all she cares about. Her marriage likely won’t last long if this is her personality so don’t be putting your family on hold for this one day.

send her a message and tell her you and your DH are planning to conceive and as such you feel you cannot comply with her direct order not to. Thanks for the thought but best wishes for you and the other bridesmaids

I’m so sorry for your loss.
ignore ignore and ignore some more your mad and unkind friend.

I normally shy away from any form of confrontation but 100% agree with ⬆️

Absolutely fucking awful comment.

Honestly don't think I could remain friends and definitely wouldn't be bridesmaid. I'd have to say something along the lines of how insensitive and downright offensive you've found her statement and with some thought you no longer feel comfortable taking part in her wedding.
I really couldn't be there.

Good grief… and I thought my friend was bad enough. (See my thread about the long list of expected jobs she wanted me to do as maid of honour 🙈) but THIS is crazy!! If she’s not ‘joking’ (which is a shit joke, especially after what you’ve been through) but I would absolutely make it clear that you won’t be putting trying to conceive on hold for her wedding day…. Turn it round and ask her to postpone her wedding day until you’ve had a baby… honestly. What a damn cheek. I would reconsider the whole friendship.

and of course, sending so much love to you and baby dust 💫 sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best x

Just get shagging OP. If you get pregnant then the bride will just have to suck it up. No-one cares about a pregnant bridesmaid anyway 🤷‍♀️

But the friend needs to understand she is not a higher priority that the OP's family.
It would be unreasonable for anyone to ask/tell another person to delay their family planning for the sake of being in a wedding party. A person just can't have a baby on demand - even in the most perfect circumstances; and in this case OP has to take extra care for planning and health in order to conceive and carry. Imagine if she commits to the friend's request but then falls pregnant. Should OP have an abortion so she'll look good in her bride's maid dress and not be poorly so that she can wait on the bride? And heaven forbid her pregnancy at the wedding takes focus from the bride. The bride comes first, right?
OP should distance herself from her selfish friend who has shown true colours, I'm afraid. Your suggestion is utter nonsense.

I wonder if she was joking? Albeit insensitive?
I wanted all of my Wedding Party to be carefree and enjoy every moment of our Wedding.
Is that what she meant?
Is she usually tactless?

By backing out of this commitment NOW you remove yourself from what I totally expect will be a stressful, bridezilla experience & give her no reason to be angry at you if you fall pregnant.
If she decides to be angry anyway, because you are backing out, just explain to her that you won’t & can’t put your life on hold, right now, for her & you can’t guarantee you won’t get pregnant so you can’t accept her offer.
Her reaction to you telling her how it is will dictate how your friendship goes forward from her rudeness.
Personally I’d rather not have a friend who is so insensitive as a ‘friend’!
I wish you all the lucky I can muster for your next baby. Lots of reasons why pregnancies miscarry, doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, but that shouldn’t stop you from going for your rainbow baby 💜

I’d tell her Mumsnet think she is a douche-canoe too 😂
She is not a friend she is a bridezilla in the making & the journey started the moment dh told this poor lady how to run her life.
BTB is a selfish & insensitive moobag & even if she is joking the friendship would be over for me!

Given how stress impacts on conception and pregnancy don’t let her vanity and insecurities damage your chances.

Bollocks to your friend. This is an outrageous demand. I was bridesmaid for someone who wouldn't have her lifelong childhood friend as a bridesmaid because she had a tattoo on her arm.

Years later and her behavior got progressively worse. When people show you who they really are, believe them.

@Grrrrdarling most definitely the friendship would be over.
She's not a friend. No true friend behaves like that.
I Don't understand why people have to be so cruel especially after op has had the trauma of loosing her baby. Which is so sad.
But hopefully op and her husband will be blessed with a baby. X

@Brackensmomma
Honestly the rudeness, insensitivity & self-entitled, up their own arses behaviour of some people absolutely astounds me.
How anyone can be around people like this I do not know.

My little sister & her husband are like this & guess what… we have massively limited our contact with them.
Literally one or two birthdays a year we see them, if we have to!

Toxic people have no place in my life.
I am disabled & the stress that snide remarks & negative energy cause me is not worth it & they don’t give a fluff about anyone but themselves.

This year because little sister hasn't had much attention & her 30th was coming up so she’s decided that as she doesn’t see any of us very much - I’m eldest of 5 - she no-longer wants to be part of our sibling secret Santa.
Her reasoning is that she sees us so little that she ‘doesn’t know what to get us’ which is utter bullcrap because we all fill out a gift suggestion list on the Secret Santa name generator so we don’t have to try & elicit a gift hint from the person we are buying for.

We set up Sibling Secret Santa up because I, especially, have a limited income & only have £50 to spend on siblings.
Setting up the secret Sibling Secret Santa meant we could spend £50 on one person rather than £10 each on 5 people allowing us to get that one person a better gift & something they really wanted or needed.

Now I will buy for 4 siblings, niece & nephew. If she doesn’t want to be part of it she can go without.
Money isn’t an issue for them either as they own a multimillion £££ business, take home a wage of over £100,000 a year each, so this is purely attention seeking behaviour.

YANBU! I would hope she is joking but my friend was terrified to tell me she was pregnant before my wedding. She started trying early as she took a year to conceive her first. Baby 2 was a little speedier 😂

I was over the moon! She picked her own dress (I wanted her to be comfortable) because she’s my best friend and her and her child are more important than a day. If she’s angry with you for getting pregnant after such a sad experience, she isn’t a friend and you’re better finding out now. X

So sorry for your loss, miscarriage is difficult enough without insensitive ‘friends’ like these. In your last post you said you now have responses ready ‘if the subject comes up again’ but honestly OP I would nip it in the bud now. You definitely don’t need or want to plan your TTC journey around other ppl, especially something as trivial as a wedding- so you do need bring it up yourself. Something along the lines of: I wanted to speak to you about the comment you made the other day about us TTC. Just to let you know that I won’t be postponing trying again for anything or anyone else, so it’s probably best if you find another bridesmaid if it’s going to be so inconvenient for you. If you think she’s the type to flip out and come back with more selfish responses then do it over text, otherwise best to speak in person and you can gauge her reaction better.

I'm guessing this was a reslly thoughtless joke. Brides to be can be a but self-absorbed. When she's trying to get pregnant herself she'll hopefully be more understanding
Don't let it affect your plans. she's completely absorbed in her wedding and her future, but you shouldn't be!

she 100% should not be getting married until you have had your baby. Selfish woman

MadMadaMim · Yesterday 20:16
If you're ready to TTC, could you try until March and then again from October? It may be that your friend really wants you there by her side and is be worried this may not be possible if you conceive“

So what? OP’s family is a bloody sight more important than her selfish “friend”. Stupid comment.