To date a 22yo

[MightyFishwife]

I’m in my late thirties with one child and I’ve been asked out by a guy I know who’s 22. I like him, and find him attractive (and all the usual blah about him being mature for his age etc) but it’s quite the age gap.

Would it give you the ick, or would you give it a go? Can age gaps like that work out?

Well some people your age have twenty two year old sons....

Having said that, it doesn't stop late thirties men having flings with twenty two year olds rather frequently.
But that's all it's likely to be, a fling so there's no harm in it. You're both adults. Crack on, have fun.

Are you looking for a long term relationship? Even if he is “mature for his age” (and people thought I was mature for my age in my early twenties but looking back even I can see that I was a bit of a dick) that maturity probably doesn’t extend to being in the same place career wise, financially, socially, goals for the next five years and so on. Does he realise that dating you is going to mean working around your child and childcare and you can’t just make plans with him at will? Is he willing to come very much second to your child? I can’t think of many young men at that age without children of their own who would be, tbh.

If it’s just the odd dates and some (hopefully) good sex then crack on. I just wouldn’t waste either of your time if you’re expecting it to go somewhere real.

Its not the size of the gap its the age of the younger partner. Men of 22 are typically very immature. He may of course be an exception, but it would be very unusual.

Maybe alright for a quick fling but doubt it will lead to anything long term.

Yes but for fun. I dated guys that age in my mid 30s. People change a lot from that age though so I don’t think you should expect it to last.

Carol Mcgiffin is married to a guy 22 years younger and that’s been quite long term but he was in his late 20s when they met I think.

If you were my friend, I'd say have fun but if it were my son I wouldn't be very happy!

I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t date him. Tbh, it’s no one else’s business.
If I have a reservation it’s that he IS young, and is unlikely to have developed into the man he’s going to become as yet. Whereas you are already the woman that are. Sometimes, what happens when there’s an age gap, is that the younger person changes more than the older one, and what they want changes. So, the younger person almost “outgrows” the other. That doesn’t always happen, and I don’t want to put a downer on any relationship for you. I would just be careful.
You also didn’t mention how old your DC is. I’m older than you are, but my children would be mortified if I dated someone the same age as them. And I know other people who have dated younger and older people, and the children have struggled with that. The younger your child is, the easier it will be on them.

If you're looking for a bit of fun go for it. Personally I would feel a bit creepy being with someone that young (I'm 38). They seem so young and boyish and it's really off putting to me.

I think it really depends on your dynamic as a couple. I wouldn’t judge at all if you both seem to click well. Twenty two is an odd age in that some are very grown up and some are still like teenagers so what you call ‘the usual blah’ does matter in my opinion.

Depends what you both expect from this. If it's just good company, a few dates and presumably sex, crack on. Long term is less likely to work out (not saying impossible). 22 is young to settle down these days and if he/ you want more kids your timeframes are likely to clash.

Thanks for the replies, ladies — appreciate it.

We’re both very busy people with things we’re very committed to, so that works well in terms of expectations around time. He works with kids, also, and views me very much as the parent of mine, not some fancy-free woman.

My kid is still young, so no issues there — definitely would not date someone that age if I had a similarly aged child 🤢

It's rather exceptional to have a 22yr old in your late 30s 🙄

OP go for it, life's too short to worry what people think.

I have sons that age, and I'd be more than a bit uncomfortable with them dating someone your (almost my) age BUT my partner is 14 years older than me so logically what's the difference. You're both adults, so if it feels right go for it.

Yeah, I get you. I haven’t got the ick at this point, but I think it’d be quite easy to get it 😂

Might be a case of scratch it and see.

I'd consider how serious a relationship you're looking for.

It's unlikely to be sustainable long-term (although stranger things have happened) but if you're not looking for anything serious then go for it OP.

I had a great couple of months with a 23 year old when I was 36.

It's your life. But as a late 30s women myself I would not be interested in any way to a man of 22.

If you wouldn't be interested if you had a 22 year old (which is possible), why are you interested just because you didn't?

Personally I wouldn't - I don't know any 22 year olds who would remotely be mature enough, but obviously that's very subjective 😂

My issue would be the large age gap (any man or woman in their late 30s dating someone who's barely been an adult 4 years would creep me out!). For some reason I think 25 and older would be okay with any age, I just seem to have a mental barrier for someone that young? Being in your late 30s is so close to double his age it just doesn't seem right to me, I think it's just one of those things 🤷🏻‍♀️

If this was a mum saying her 22 year old daughter had a new bf in his late 30’s with a kid I suspect the answers would be somewhat different.

How old is your DC?

I remember someone from secondary school who's mum dated a much younger guy and let's just say they hated it, not only did they get teased but it was all rather cringe. 😬

Was asked out by a 22 yo when I was 39, it gave me the ick, perhaps though because I had a son only a few years younger than him. No I couldn't do it.

Yeah that would give me the ick and have me side eying you, knocking on 40 and fancying someone in their early twenties. It would give me the equal ick if genders were reversed

he just wants to tell his mates he fucked someone nearly twice his age.

My mum and step dad met when he was 22 and she was 39 - they have been happily married since 1988 - so it can work.

Not for me though - I'd struggle to find much in common with a 22 year old.

I find it icky and I would (silently) judge you if I knew you in real life.

I think there must be something a little wrong with you to be interested in a whole relationship with someone who has such little life experience compared to you. Regardless of your gender.

I can understand casual sex, but dating seriously? No, weird.

Bit rude. I take your point but you don’t actually know what he wants.