To date a 22yo

[MightyFishwife]

I’m in my late thirties with one child and I’ve been asked out by a guy I know who’s 22. I like him, and find him attractive (and all the usual blah about him being mature for his age etc) but it’s quite the age gap.

Would it give you the ick, or would you give it a go? Can age gaps like that work out?

Definitely go for it. As long as it's consensual who cares what other people think

Would you give the same advice to an almost 40 single dad pursuing a 22 year old girl @SweetSenorita ?

Oh I love these posts!

Well obviously you probably aren't from a very working class background.
I would have thought it quite well known by now, (even by my social superiors)that working class women do sometimes have children in their late teens.

Of course these posts are supposed to incite some kind of working class shame; well sorry to have to inform you that no number of metaphorical, cats arse pursed lips posts are going to have the desired effect 😊

@Leemoe I have not passed any judgement. I stated a simple fact - that it's understandable why some people consider it exceptional, because there are areas/circles where it is indeed very rarely seen.

But ok, proceed to get triggered 🙄

It’s definitely not exceptional to have a 22 year old in your late 30s. My mum was 39 when I was 22. My sister had her child at 17 also. It’s not at all exceptional.

saying that, I wouldn’t date a 22 year old. I’m 36. It would give me the ick. But you’re both consenting adults so crack on if you both want to

Something being rarely seen "in your circle" doesn't equate to it being exceptional on a national level, though.

Maybe for some discreet fun but I think I would feel a bit weird about hanging out with someone with no memory of 9/11.

No, you simply stated the obvious.

I called you out for being disingenuous. As an aside, I have precisely no idea what 'triggered' may conceivably mean.

So much for liberalism. Can’t believe lefty mumsnetters are frowning on this. Go. For. It. Why are you even asking? Perhaps just don’t bring him home to the kids just yet but go and have your fun!

Thing is this happens all the time and yes if the 22 year old WOMAN had asked out the man then I’d tell him to go for it even more.

If you have children then I hope he keeps his head on his shoulders and isn’t blinkered by you. Dating is very different to settling down together and I think with the latter he should choose wisely. And yes it’s early days but it won’t be early days forever.

And I’d probably be even harsher if this was a man almost in his 40s, going off what some of the men are like on step threads.

Oh yes, 9/11 that great first date conversational ice breaker 🤣🤣

Sorry, no snark intended but that really did tickle me!

Obviously I don’t know him, but I suspect he’s just looking for sex and sees you as nothing more than a sex object - like the ‘mature women’ he watches on Pornhub. If that’s all you want, then fine. But you may end up feeling cheap and used.

No I wouldn’t.
Just as I wouldn’t date anyone:

very overweight
in a poor financial situation
messy past relationship history that has the potential to linger on

Doesnt matter how great a person they are… I am a parent and if any of the above applies - no chance

How did you even meet him?

I too think its different the other way round and would be concerned for my daughter but less so for my son, for various reasons.
Firstly, women don't typically chase young men, so when it happens it's usually despite their age rather than because of it. It is also almost always the younger man who makes the move on the older woman without persuasion or coercian on her part. This feels very different to an older man deliberately chasing a young woman because of her youth. What is his motivation? What will he do when she ages out, chase an even younger one?
Secondly, there is already enough of a potential power imbalance between men and women. Add being older and more experienced into the equation and this is exacerbated.
Thirdly, large age gaps where the man is older are often very bad for women in the long term. Men often age more quickly with poorer health and less enthusiasm for life in general, and this can be frustrating enough for women their own age, never mind a young woman in her prime. An older woman on the other hand can be very compatible with a younger man, and if/when this is no longer the case, often, for a variety of reasons, a man would find it easier to leave.

When I was in my thirties, my fuck buddies were around 25. I would give the same advice to a man, but add in not stopping her from going for opportunities and putting pressure on her to have a baby etc. I'd say that to the OP, she hasn't got time on her side to TTC, but it would be madness with such a young partner. Also not introducing her son. The recent case were the father's 22 year old gf, murdered his disabled son, after being constantly left with him, even though she begged him to not have him, springs to mind. Men and women's expectations are different in relationships.

I would really be wondering what I would have in common with someone born in the noughties 😆.

I'd go into it with the mindset of it's probably just going to be a bit of fun, but who knows!

There is an 11 years age gap between my DH and me (I'm younger). Not sure why one way is socially acceptable but the other isn't.

I think it's different when the older woman has children and considering getting involved with a younger man Vs an older man with children getting involved with a younger woman, mainly because on the whole domestic and childcare tends to fall on women and I'd be concerned that an older man with children was looking for someone younger to outsource his parenting responsibilities. Usual caveat of not all men blah blah blah, but that would factor.

OP if you're both interested in each other and you're up front about what you're both looking for then there's no reason not to. Personally I'd not find I had much in common with a 22 year old but if you do then be sensible about moving forward

For a bit of fun, sure. I wouldn't expect much from it though, and would be careful not to get too emotionally involved.

Well you must have had a very sheltered life than, because it certainly happens

Of course it's fine, you're both adults.

My son studied 9/11 in history!

I think it's creepy and would think the same were the sexes reversed. His brain isn't fully developed yet.