To rehome cat because of pressure on marriage

[Freshstillwater]

I’ve posted about this before but I didn’t get many serious replies.

I have been married for nearly a year, and just after our wedding I adopted a cat from a charity. I did talk about this with DH first, there was some eye rolling and ‘if you must’ but it was good humoured.

Nearly a year on and it’s really difficult. The cat had fleas which bit DH, he was pretty annoyed about this. He really doesn’t like the cat, I mean, I knew he wasn’t really into animals but I misread dislike as actual neutrality.

The complaining about the cat is really getting to me, I feel like he’d be happier without the cat and me, tbh.

I am not sure what to do now.

I think it was a mistake to get a cat - or any pet - without your husband wanting one, because caring for a pet is a big commitment. Is there any chance rehoming the cat to save your relationship? And no! I would néver dump a pet! But finding a nice home for him/her might give both of you some space 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is the husband writing this is not the actual owner of this account.

1-don't rehome the cat as that is cruel, people that do that should never be allowed to have a pet.
2-getting a pet should be a joint decision, so I can't fathom how and why you did this.

Now let's deal with your issue.
1-wash all the sheets on high heat three times.
2-vacuum the whole house, including furniture.
3-treat the fleas on the cat
4- the most important part, the cat should be an indoor cat and this will mean no fleas.

If you do the above for a week or two all fleas should be gone.

I haven't read the full thread but I am so sorry that your DH has turned your having a cat into a battle! I'm glad he has conceded that your wee cat can stay! You'd think so early in a marriage that your DH would want you to have a cat if that makes you happy! My DH was a dog person before we got married, but I 'converted' him to cats (he still likes dogs but we have never been in the circumstances where it would be fair to have one). We got two kittens just after we'd been married for a year (they were planned, then we had 2 'accidents' lol, so for a number of years we had 4 cats) and he loved them too.

My two gorgeous rescue girls (from earlier this year) are fast asleep and cosy in my living room, and there's nothing that would make me part from them!

It's really good for your children to grow up with a pet as well, because they learn to be compassionate and caring towards animals. My three adult kids are cat mad!!!

For me, having a cat or cats is non-negotiable - it's a case of love me, love my cat! Fortunately my DH loves them too. And your DH did agree to your adopting a cat and there's no way the poor kitty deserves to be rehomed again!

Just keep up the regular flea treatments. One of our cats many years ago did get fleas (he was indoor/outdoor as he came to us as a stray) and fortunately we realised quickly because the poor bugger was allergic to the fleabites! I treated both of the indoor/outdoor kitties (and not the two indoor ones) and we never had fleas again. I'm sure it's been said before but get flea treatments from your vet, as the damn fleas have become immune to some of the more common treatments like Frontline, and never, ever let any Bob Martin product anywhere near your cat! I'm not a fan of flea collars (or any sort of collar tbh) but I think the flea ones are pretty ineffective.

It's a good sign that you and your DH have been able to discuss this and agree on it, and I hope you will always be able to do that.

As for the usual critical/rude posters - don't even take them under your notice.

Best wishes x

Husband sounds like a spoilt little boy. It’s a cat FFS. Enjoy your cat. Tell him to grow up. If he’s really making you feel this bad about a cat, maybe you should re-home him! What will be do when you both have children!

Ive made use of the useful advice about flea treatment on this thread Op.
So glad your little cat gets to stay with you, wishing you all the best.

'1-don't rehome the cat as that is cruel, people that do that should never be allowed to have a pet.'

Couldn't disagree more. People who hang onto pets when it is not in the owners or the pets best interests, in fear of judgement from others, are being cruel.

You are out of order for forcing a cat on your husband. Even if you look after the cat there is still an impact for your husband, every single day. Fleas and the impact on the whole house, the litter tray, cat hair fir starters. It's hardly surprising he is resentful and won't let it go! You have fundamentally changed how he can enjoy the home you have together.

The great and powerful penis has spoken

Shame it did not RTFT. Likewise for others still giving me endless earth shattering tips like ‘treat the house’ and ‘you awful woman giving an elderly cat a home, FFS, you’ll be spending family money on food bank shops next’ - yes, my patience is wearing a little bit thin.

Wonderful to hear the cat is allowed to stay. Best to keep him inside though. Otherwise this flea infestation will crop up again whenever your husband is mad at you.

(and cats are domestic animals which live perfectly happy lives inside)

Glad you and your husband reached a postive agreement about your cat. I relate a lot to your post. My partner was a long term bachelor before he and I moved in together; the first house we shared was his, so I felt like the guest. During that time we got engaged and married, and I persuaded him to let me get two cats. He agreed to the first, but was a "no" on the second. I persisited because the first cat was high energy and needed a companion. It turns out to this day that the only "th
ings" that have EVER made our houses homes for me were the pets he agreed to let me adopt throughout the 20+ yrs. I STILL have the feeling of being a guest, albeit a welcome one, because there's no room for MY other hobbies/interests/belongings. I am now looking for a place of my own! Tired of my stuff being boxed in the garage.

I hope you find your own place soon and sigh a big sigh of relief when you finally sit down on your new sofa. That sounds horrible to feel like a guest all that time.

I don't really get thread. Why would you get a cat when your husband dislikes them?

Why would you not take responsibility for said cat after getting it, and let the fleas get so bad that you get an infestation? I've had cats all my life and if you keep up with regular flea treatments, it should never get to this.

I despair with people who get animals on a whim, don't research the care, implications and responsibility involved and then just abandon them when they become too problematic for them. Can you imagine if people did this to a child?

@Charlize43 - did it honestly never occur to you to read the thread before wading in?

@Freshstillwater

😄😄😄😄

My husband and I are a little like you and yours possibly, in that he is very cat-attached and wouldn't dream of rehoming. I'd rehome in a heartbeat (as I don't care about cats).

He had cats in the past. We're not getting any cats together.

Hope you got the answers you needed from this thread x

I'll be honest I could not share a home with a cat. I absolutely loathe them. They stink, they're unpredictable, they do what they want. I feel sorry for your DH.

It says a lot about a person who "absolutely loathes" cats!! What have cats ever done to you?!! I doubt a cat would want to share a home with you.

They only "stink" if they are neglected, they're loving, great fun, and bring so much life to a home, and it's really good for children to have the benefit of being brought up with pets, so that they in turn become compassionate and caring towards animals.

I wouldn't waste too much sympathy on the DH here - you seem to have neglected to read the part where he agreed in the first instance. I feel sorry for you because you are missing out on so much. People with compassion for animals are so much more appealing, kind and empathetic people than animal-haters like you.

What a load of shit. You “cat people” are insane. And I have 2 cats myself.

Your poor cats!!!

🤣🤣🤣

OP you sound gentle hearted.

I do think there is an undercurrent to your relationship that you feel the need to unpick.

Id advise you start a new threat under a different username to discuss feeling like a guest in your marriage.

The cat is a red herring and like a red flap to a bull on this forum (as is dogs or any pet tbh). So don’t mention the cat/animals.
Just discuss the ‘guest’ dynamics at play here.

Although the cat issue is resolved, the undercurrent of not feeling equal/welcome in your own home isn’t, or you being the default parent. This will rear its head again at some point.

take care x

@Canthave2manycats - I was expecting that. We're all different. I can't see where I said I hate all pets. Cats do stink.

It’s quite an extreme thing to say you
loathe an animal. Cats do not stink either, what utter crap!

@DumbleDorey - I don't loathe an animal, I loathe all cats equally. Of course they stink. Litter trays for starters...

Cats are entirely odourless animals. Unlike, for example, dogs.

Litter trays do smell if unattended to.

An animal as in one specific type of animal 🙄 No they don’t, I have two and they don’t smell. If you’re talking about their shit, well yes, of course shit stinks, your shit stinks too, no?