To rehome cat because of pressure on marriage

[Freshstillwater]

I’ve posted about this before but I didn’t get many serious replies.

I have been married for nearly a year, and just after our wedding I adopted a cat from a charity. I did talk about this with DH first, there was some eye rolling and ‘if you must’ but it was good humoured.

Nearly a year on and it’s really difficult. The cat had fleas which bit DH, he was pretty annoyed about this. He really doesn’t like the cat, I mean, I knew he wasn’t really into animals but I misread dislike as actual neutrality.

The complaining about the cat is really getting to me, I feel like he’d be happier without the cat and me, tbh.

I am not sure what to do now.

Apologies of covered

but who is home more? Do you or your dh WFH?

This is true. I was the only person affected when we had fleas. I think everyone is bitten but only certain people get a reaction. On holiday, I’m the only one with mosquito bites. I think I’m just more sensitive to being bitten than the rest of my family.

Guys, I’ve got it, thanks. I’ll have to rehome the cat. I just don’t know how. I’m actually quite upset about it and I would like it if we could wrap up here.

I honestly feel like shit so please don’t keep replying, unless you really enjoy making someone who is already in a bad place feel even worse.

Perhaps start a new thread in relationships about your DHs attitude to conflict in your marriage?

Are there other things he has given you the cold shoulder over so that you have buckled so that he gets what he wants rather than a genuine compromise being reached?

I’d be so pissed off if I was the DH

bot only being bitten by fleas
bit your wife is skeptical about fact you are saying your being bitten by fleas!

Yep, there’s one who enjoys making people feel as bad as possible. Lovely character trait.

Have you got flea treatment from the vets? It’s not normal for fleas not too go despite vet treatment.

Have you read the thread?

@Freshstillwater this really. My Dh is similar. We had to talk it through a lot to get where we wa better.

Give a few shelters a call op. They’re usually really helpful and non judgemental. We rehomed 3 cats last year really easily and quickly and they were adopted within 2 weeks. This was despite an “experienced and knowledgable cat shelter owner” in mums ey telling me the whole country was full up and no one would take them and that I was the most evil cunt int he works for rehoming them.

OP my response definitely wasn't intended to make you feel bad, it was playing devils to say that even the most "normal" relationships might have a serious problem with the cat thing.

As I said we don't know what else your DH is or isn't doing to make you question the entire relationship over it. I've read your other posts and can't really tell. Your tone (and admittedly your stubbornness re cat) just says to me that mentally you're done.

@Freshstillwater, apologies if this has already been answered but it's a long thread. Do you think your husband would tolerate the cat if the flea issue was resolved? Also, and apologies again if I missed this, has the vet suggested the flea injection for the cat? I appreciate the house issue would need to be resolved but I don't know if that would be an option.

OP, if you want constructive, supportive and helpful relationship advice, don't post in AIBU for goodness sake, post in Relationships.

Youve said it more than once and I agree with you that this is a relationship problem, not a cat/flea problem. You need to stop apologising to your husband about the fleas - it's not your fault and you've done everything you can. He did agree to the cat (even though with hindsight you can see that he didn't really want one at all). So he can't now use the cat as a stick to beat you with. He sounds selfish, with his hobby taking up so much space and money, and begrudging you a pet. How old are your children? You said you do most of the parenting?

I’m absolutely done with repeatedly being told what an awful thing I did, @LadyApplejack . It is incredibly tedious going over and over the last couple of months or so endlessly and then having people show up and bark at you for not having treated the fleas and what sort of evil fucker are you for expecting your husband to put up with them? (And I’m also apparently some sort of weirdo who would be burned at the stake in the Middle Ages because our children are not relevant to a post about me, my husband and a cat.

I’m sorry if that sounds snappy but I have indicated I’d prefer for the thread not to continue. I’ve tried just being quiet and leaving it but as is evident from pages of ‘just treat the cat and get a flea bomb’ people aren’t bothering to read.

Oh come off it @AnotherEmma relationships is not some sort of gentle backwater compared to the rough seas of AIBU. The whole of MN is permeated with this sort of crap. So don’t ‘for goodness sake’ me

Hide the thread then op 😐

Fgs OP @AnotherEmma was supporting you

I’ve posted about this before but I didn’t get many serious replies.

and did you end up as furious and pissed off as on this thread?

Yes quite amusing really. I would usually put FFS (my preferred communication style ) but I saw how the thread was going so I softened it to "for
goodness sake" which clearly wasn't enough!

AIBU is so shite, time and time again I see people posting on here and getting (understandably) pissed off. Just post in relationships if you want relationship advice - it's not perfect by any means but generally much more supportive and sensible.

I am not seeking support at this stage @AnotherEmma . I will admit that I read your first paragraph and replied in annoyance and I apologise for that but when you’re feeling as crap as I am this morning having someone FGS you does not come over as supportive no matter what the intent is. I also stand by what I said re relationships. There is no notable difference from one board to another, unless you post in gardening or similar.

@Feef83 I’m not furious. I am very, very sad. I do think posts like yours that just want to keep giving me a hard time are awful but whatever, the thread isn’t going to die down and maybe I’m in the mood for some self flagellation so I’ll take it. I mean, there’s nothing much worse than wanting to give an old cat a home, right?

Just finished rtt. I'm sorry its not worked out OP.

Ring around some cat rescues. Maybe if you let us know your area, someone can recommend one.

. I am very, very sad

Posts like mine? No name calling. No abuse. Just saying that I’m with your DH on this one.

And you seem to have twisted yourself in a pretzel about it

The kids are relevant as no one knows if this is

Met and married a year ago -no kids -you are just incompatible.

Met 15 years ago and lived together since then with kids who are teens-issue arose when got cat/ was fine before

So it really depends what the relationship was like before you married/moved house/got cat, all which occurred at same time and appeared to cause some huge change in the relationship for some reason. As assume you'd not have married if it was crap before that.

Oh sorry @Feef83 , this wasn’t you? Someone appropriated your username? Best report to MN.

Go for it.

just asking whether you got as pissed off as on this thread. Did you?!