Tiger parenting

[McCoysCheese]

I see a kid each week for tutoring. Chinese family, kid is Y8.

He's told me his parents love him and only hit him if he has been very bad. I've asked him to talk to his school counsellor but he said no, he's ok. I told him it's not allowed in this country for parents to hit kids. And that he can call Childline or NSPCC. But he doesn't want his parents to get in trouble.

If I report then I will never see him again and the situation doesn't change. Any advice?

His ethnicity is irrelevant. Call the school? Police?

This

You prioritise the safeguarding of the child by reporting yourself. He has trusted you enough to tell you, do the right thing by him.

You’re a teacher and you have to ask random people on the Internet what to do if a child reports that they are being hit at home?

@KindergartenKop I initially thought the same but if you read the book “battle hymn of the tiger mom” I think it’s called, it talks specifically about East Asian culture around achievement and how it’s intrinsic to some families of that background (obvs not all) , therefore this boys family experience might be contextualised in that way

I don’t think this is what “Tiger Parenting” means at all, OP, and his ethnicity is irrelevant here. In your shoes I would speak to the Headteacher of his school and not bring it up with him again unless he wants to talk about it - this sort of thing needs to be handled extremely delicately by people who are trained in how to talk to children about abuse.

Also, best to call the NSPCC for advice ASAP.

The safeguarding concern needs to be raised by OP. What can the headteacher do with the information other than wait for a possible disclosure? Absolutely nothing. It’s OP’s information about the safety of the child and it needs reporting.

You surely are working under a safeguarding/ child protection policy so you do your job and you follow it.

"If I report then I will never see him again and the situation doesn't change."

That's not your call to make- its your job to pass the information on to someone who can follow it up, assess the risks and decide if the situation needs addressed or not.

Deciding whether or not to follow safeguarding because of the ethnic background of a family is ridiculous/ dangerous and you should know better as a teacher.

If I speak to his school and they speak with him he will deny it and know I've betrayed his trust.
If I speak to the parents they will stop bringing him to me.
In both cases he loses out.

You do need to report but chastising children this way is seen as acceptable in many Chinese households. I say this as someone who is Chinese and was chastised like this. I have not hit my own children just in case anyone is wondering but compared to my sons friends was much stricter.

It's normal in his culture to be disciplined in this way. He and his friends talk about it and accept it.

I’d anonymously report it so you can keep seeing him and anonymously send the parents articles about Jennifer pan and this video fb.watch/g-GpjMOh1f/

How utterly utterly heartbreaking! You need to report. It’s not your call to make other than report. Awful for you too.

I work in safeguarding with many cultures. Social services go by what is acceptable in our country regardless of the families culture. It is not acceptable here in the U.K. and the family need to change their practice. End of. Social services will speak to parents and the child and explain that. You then speak to parents and discuss how you have a duty of care to their child to report concerns but would love to continue tutoring him now it’s been explained. Then it’s their choice.

Yes, then there's the other, correct option where you report it immediately and he doesn't lose out because he is safeguarded properly. I find your position very concerning.

How do you know what this child and his friends talk about, if you just see him for weekly tutoring?

I don't trust that social services would communicate effectively with the parents or that the kid would be in a safer situation afterwards.
His parents have said before now that they would send him to relatives abroad and he's afraid of that. He loves his parents and they love him but they are strict.

He volunteered that it was normal among his Chinese friends to be treated in this way, I didn't ask.

I know someone who was in a very similar situation. They told the school. The child’s parents came in and the child was terrified and denied it happened. The parents raised merry hell at the school. Nothing happened. The child was probably still abused. I think there’s unlikely to be a happy ending here

Whilst yes ethnicity is irrelevant it does add context because in some cultures corporal punishment is still commonplace and is not seen as bad. I personally never smacked my children, nor was I smacked by my parents but I know people who did, it wasn't illegal either (within parameters). I'm not condoning violence, I'm just pointing out the mum may not realise it's not good parenting

Smacking is still legal in England and Northern Ireland btw

Again not condoning it

It doesn't matter. You have a duty of care.

I'd be interested to know how the topic came up.

Did he just randomly confide in you without you expecting it?

Or did you ask questions?

Either way, things like this cannot be kept confidential and you should have told that to your student.

Grow up.

A kids told you they are being abused. You have to report it.

There is no room for debate over stuff like this.

I know I have a duty of care.

But informing his school may make things worse not better.

He told me because he is in a safe place with me I suppose.