Tiger parenting

[McCoysCheese]

I see a kid each week for tutoring. Chinese family, kid is Y8.

He's told me his parents love him and only hit him if he has been very bad. I've asked him to talk to his school counsellor but he said no, he's ok. I told him it's not allowed in this country for parents to hit kids. And that he can call Childline or NSPCC. But he doesn't want his parents to get in trouble.

If I report then I will never see him again and the situation doesn't change. Any advice?

@HotPotato787 i don’t think that is true in respect of criminal proceedings against OP. It is currently being looked at whether a law should be brought in for anyone working with children so that failure to report could result in criminal proceedings. Statutory guidance for schools talks about ‘should’ and not ‘must’ report at the moment

This is terrible advice!

How would you feel if an adult took it upon themselves to be your child’s confidante and didn’t make appropriate disclosures?

If a concern is reported it will be logged - and action may or may not be taken based on other reports. If one person reports that a child is being smacked I seriously doubt social services would do anything? However, he could have made disclosures to multiple people that add up to a troubling picture.

This thread is eye opening - no wonder so many children are left to be abused.

Of course understanding cultural differences is important. However, it is racism to accept one standard for white children and a lower standard for children from other ethnic backgrounds.

I could not disagree more.

Smacking is abusive. It's power and control over children. And no different to assault of adults.

The child mentioned it which I believe means that on a level he won't understand he wants someone to help him.

He isn't going to consent to his parents "getting in trouble" no way.
He might well deny it but the SS won't give up at that point. They will also hopefully be skilled at taking to kids in the right way.

I'd be wanting to know if it's both parents doing it. Perhaps it's one and they are abusing the spouse and child. They might want help and not know how to do it.

I've had to do this very thing recently and while highly unpleasant it was by far the best thing I could have done. Ever.

OP - happy to DM if helpful on my recent experience of making a report.

@LolaSmiles thank you, that's very clear and helpful

It's irrelevant if you couldn't agree more. What is relevant is the legislation. My personal view is that smacking a child is abusive but that isn't the view set out in The Children Act 2004.

If a child makes a disclosure of abuse you speak to the designated teachers...

@fannyfartlet

Maybe re read your post!? You are complete missing the point so my only query is are you for real or this childs mother desperately trying to cover up the abuse of the dad in the home.??

Legal or not it's NOT ok! No court, cafcass or chlild services will agree.
I've given evidence against people who think it's ok because it's legal. It never goes their way in court !!

Chances are the smacking is tip of the iceberg of what's going on in that house

You have no understanding of safeguarding. And what a ridiculous thing to say that courts won't agree with legislation. What do you think legal decisions are based on??

There is no evidence of further abuse and your assumption that smacking is the tip of the iceberg are also without foundation.

I'd be interested in the cases you've given evidence about as I have been involved in many cases and straight forward smacking cases do not make it to court as they don't even make threshold for statutory assessment.

I can't believe this thread is still being debated. I work in safeguarding and this is actually terrifying that people are even suggesting that op doesn't pass this on.

Op has firstly ballsed up the disclosure. She should have informed the child in the first instance of the limits to confidentiality so he knows she has to pass this on.

Secondly any disclosure MUST be written down factually and sent on to the relevant child protection officer who will then make a call as to whether gateway need to be contacted or not. This is crucial because that child protection officer may have information relating to the family that op doesn't have. This should be done within 24hrs so op I hope you've followed through. If not you need to do so ASAP.

It will then be up to the child protection officer and gateway social worker as to whether this warrants investigation or not. It is under no circumstances ops decision to make.

Op I suggest you get yourself in for child protection refresher training ASAP because in your line of work you shouldn't even be questioning this. If you fail to disclose this and the child tells someone else that he told you then you could face disciplinary and rightly so. You clearly know the processes so just do your job and follow them.