Am i too old to have a baby?

[rmonroe8]

Obviously i know that biologically once you hit 40 it's classed as old to have baby but many still do with no issues but at what point is it selfish to have a baby?
The reason i'm asking is because i've just hit 43 and want another child with my partner who i have been with for 2 years (i have a 16yo and 7 year old from previous relationships)
Sorry if it sounds like i'm being ridiculous but would it be a struggle having a baby at 43? The thought of being 63 with a 20 year old makes me feel like i'm pushing it abit now. I had my last two at quite average ages so i'm not sure how it would feel this time around, has anyone had any experience having a child in their 40s? Do you regret it?

I had our 2nd (and most definitely last!) in Feb aged 40yrs, with a 7yr age gap. It was planned, just took a little longer to conceive than hoped, pregnancy was relatively straightforward just much more tiring than when In my 30s and labour was super quick (1hr from start to finish!) . I don’t regret it for a second and baby has completed our family…however babies are much more all consuming and exhausting than I remembered and I most definitely would not want to do it again or any older personally.

Definitely not too old. I had my first and only just short of my 46th birthday. Didn’t meet my DH until I was 41 and he’s 7 years younger.

On the plus side I’ve more patience, time and life experience for her. Perfect pregnancy- no sickness, no problems.

Downside - I’ve had to get fitter to keep up. There may have been a link between my late in life pregnancy and developing breast cancer (despite breast feeding to 24 months - stopped for treatment). They check you more (hate the test for gestational diabetes) and won’t let you go much past your due date.

I was lucky and conceived as soon as I started trying - many women are not so lucky.

I met a woman the other day who had just had her first at 44

Well said!

For me personally it would be too old. I’m a couple of years older than you and the idea of having a two year old makes me shudder. I would hate getting all the nursery bugs, tantrums, always having to entertain a toddler, rigid routines, carrying loads of stuff around every time we leave the house etc. My kids are 18 and 20, and I look forward to possibly having grandchildren at some point, but I have just got my freedom back and it’s glorious.

My mother had me at 45. So for some it is definitely still possible. However I am now 35 my mother is 80 and very frail. I know many people lose parents at any age but we recently had a discussion and she did say herself whilst I was an accident so would never have had me sooner. She does and I do too feel if she could have done she would have. My grandmother died when my mum was in her late 60s and I had my first child last year. So I don’t think I will get the time she got with her mum nor will my mum get the time with her grandson.
Good luck whatever you decided OP

I think the biological odds are against you. But more importantly, this is only a two year relationship. Personally I wouldn't want to risk a newborn blowing a hole in it or being left as a single parent in my 50s. You have three children between you, so that would be enough for me. I'd be looking forward to grownup holidays and spontaneity.

Yeah exactly this. Peri menopause symptoms may not seem so bad with a 10 yr old but would feel a whole lot worse with a baby or toddler. I'm 47 & have a lot of insomnia plus hot flushes. But my kids are 18 (at uni) & almost 15. So I can gave a nap some days if I need to & I don't get woken by a screaming infant. Thank god! Can't honestly imagine anything worse now than falling pregnant. I'm excited to see what the next 10 years hold for me as a wife/woman and not as a mother of young kids 👏👏

I would hate getting all the nursery bugs

Interesting…. I stopped catching any colds or bugs after the age of about 42. I’m never ill. I must have built up some long term immunity or something.

I have had a baby at 45 and one at 48 I’ve already got 3 2 in there 20’s and one who’s 19 . I’ll be honest the waking up at etc is harder but I have a lot more patience now . All the arguments about it’s too old because of seeing them grow up etc don’t wash with me health problems and death can happen to any parent at any age so whatever age you are it doesn’t guarantee this . I also believe it doesn’t matter what age you are it’s how good a parent you are that matters and I have spoken to friends who have older parents who confirm this too me . If it is right for you go for it my pregnancies were both fine in fact easier than the others . Everyone will have conflicting opinions only you know how you feel

You sound fabulous!

@Cabincat why? Do the new babies have a different father?

All the arguments about it’s too old because of seeing them grow up etc don’t wash with me health problems and death can happen to any parent at any age so whatever age you are it doesn’t guarantee this .

Tell me you don't understand probabilities without telling me you don't understand probabilities...

It’s absolutely your body and your choice and I respect that, but I am quietly pondering what led you to wanting two more babies when you’re nearly 50. Actually sod the quiet bit, what was it? Younger man? Last chance saloon? Impending menopause causing mad hormones? You seem like an open book so I hope you don’t mind me asking @Cabincat.

I do understand them but even though the probability is higher it can still happen to anyone my point is you just don’t know if you will be that person at any time of your life

@Herejustforthisone my partner is 10 yrs younger and he had no kids of his own but he was told years ago he couldn’t have kids so the first was was a happy surprise, the second was a happy accident. I thought my baby days were over and I was quite happy with that and wasn’t worried about more children at all and quite happy with the freedom I had however I’m also very happy with my two little ones now I guess life likes to throw you little surprises every now and then .

Yes

Of course not!

I don't think it's too old if that's what you want. Biologically of course it's not IDEAL but then again, there's little in life that is ideal. Just do what is best for your family and be the best person you can within your own circumstances. There's nothing more you can do.

@Love26life
I would be interested to know why you resented her? I was also 16 and my mum 44 when she had my brother and I loved him to bits. Never once did I resent the time she spent looking after him. And it certainly wasn't my place to says he shouldn't be having a baby at that age! He was an uncle at 5 and now has ten neices and nephews.

Why does this matter ???

Because I really don't see any good reason why a couple of late 40 year olds who have 3 grown children would randomly decide they need to start over again with more babies.

I wanted to check if my assumption was correct

@MintJulia

I had ds at 45+2

What does this mean? You were 47 when you had your son?

It’s probably a newer relationship because people like having a child together . I still don’t see why this is a cause to judge .
my good friend just had a baby at 45 too and she has 5 children all older 27 to 12 and she has been married for 27 years . So not always the case but yes I agree often people want a new child in a new relationship . Specially if like myself you feel you found your soulmate really late

I had my children at 41 and 45. I'm now 60 with a 15 year old still at home. It's fine. My menopause, when she was about 5-6 was perfectly manageable (it's not awful for all women, though that narrative is becoming increasingly strong in the public domain). I'm not a carer for elderly parents, because they are both still alive and well in their 80s. For other women it will different and much more difficult. But it won't, by definition, be negative - it's been very positive for me.