Am i too old to have a baby?

[rmonroe8]

Obviously i know that biologically once you hit 40 it's classed as old to have baby but many still do with no issues but at what point is it selfish to have a baby?
The reason i'm asking is because i've just hit 43 and want another child with my partner who i have been with for 2 years (i have a 16yo and 7 year old from previous relationships)
Sorry if it sounds like i'm being ridiculous but would it be a struggle having a baby at 43? The thought of being 63 with a 20 year old makes me feel like i'm pushing it abit now. I had my last two at quite average ages so i'm not sure how it would feel this time around, has anyone had any experience having a child in their 40s? Do you regret it?

@Naunet yes but men don't experience a potentially awful menopause. That can cause major havoc with the body and brain.

Sure, but there’s no guarantee menopause will be awful for OP, and people of either sex can have mental health problems (for example) at any age. There’s never any guarantees.

And since when is the menopause a reason to do or not do anything !! People really need to be less negative as a whole . Being menopausal is nit the end of the word or your life !

I agree with this.
However - the 43 year old man wouldn't be the one putting his body through a pregnancy and trying to recover while having a new born. The bleeding, the aches, the pains, the tiredness, the breast feeding. Risk of pain or damage to the vag ect. Stitches, tears. Poss Cesarean? Bad enough in your 20s/30s. But mid 40's? Longer to recover. Dare i say it, harder to lose weight and get back in shape post birth too. We're just not as elastic mid 40s as we are in our 20s and 30s. Higher risk of complications and defects and miscarriage.

The effects pregnancy has on a woman's body are real, and get more real the older she is IME. There's no right or wrong with all this. But it's important to go in with your eyes open to this stuff.

Yes. But also men don’t have the biological
considerations women do. I have a friend in her early 30s with 3 young kids, and her dad is in his 80s and her mum is dead. Sad!

OP that would be too old for me especially as you have 3 kids between you already. Enjoy the freedom the next 10 years will bring with them growing up!

Honestly? I do think it's on the older side. Biology means that it's different for men than women though.

40s would feel far too old for me to have a baby though. I had mine at 24 and 26 which was good for me.

I posted a similar question not long ago , and omg people had a massive go at me for having an older child with autism and wanting more at age 40 . So please take everyone’s one’s opinions with a pinch of salt . People are very very judgemental and set their own idealisms on MN .

Absolutely, but this isn’t OPs first, she’s not naive. It’s her choice if she wants to put herself through that, isn’t it?

What made you think it was a good idea to ask the most unsupportive judgemental community in the world advice for soemthing like this lol

honestly, just do what makes you and your family happy, don’t worry about strangers on the internet ❤️

Your as old as you feel so do what makes you happy never mind asking other people…, always do what makes you feel happy it’s your life

All I will say OP, is you can be a wonderfully fit and well, 'young' 43,then find yourself feeling very old at 53. However, everyone's experience will be different. I wouldn't go on the opinions of others for something like this.

I think its old, don't you want the school run years to end. Plus he has a child and has fulfilled his urge of being a biological parent so I don't think you should feel any obligation to have another child

My friend had a baby at 42 her first girl after 4 boys and is doing great!

Sorry op if this sounds harsh, but if you’re asking strangers on the internet to help you make your mind up about having a baby, I don’t think you’re old enough to get pregnant!

I had my first at 41 second at 42. I don't feel like they are anymore tiring than they would have been if I'd had them in my 20s but who knows? Not looking forward to having teenagers in my 50s but then again who really looks forward to having teenagers at any age. As someone else has said though you have no idea how long it will take to conceive. I conceived my first the month after stopping contraception but it could take you a lot longer. Would you want to be having a baby at 45/46 if it takes that long?

I was 36 and 39 when I had my kids, and I found it harder at 39. I was angry with myself about the amnio test too - I had not researched it properly and hadn't realised you actually have to have a labour and deliver the baby if you decide not to go ahead. I think having my kids late kept me young, best wishes for whatever you decide.

Why would you want to? Both of you have children, and 2 are virtually the same age and getting to the point where you can do more exciting things as a blended family and your children be more independent, to then drag everyone back into revolving round a babies schedule. It would be a hard 'no' from me.

If you are biologically able to have a baby, then of course you're not too old. If you were 53 and planning on some kind of medical intervention to get pregnant, then it would be a different story.

I know plenty of women in their late 30's - early 40's who have had successful pregnancies and happy healthy children.

As for the menopause, everyone is different, I had absolutely no symptoms other than the cessation of menstruation. No hot flushes, mood swings, weight gain. Not everyone suffers badly.

Do what is right for you and your family.

I had our 4th at 43. The others were 15+.

My first took 18 months to conceive at 20 years old and the others were all over 6 months but at 42 I had a fairly instant conception followed by a MMC at 11 weeks. That baby would have been due in May. Pregnant again, still 42, due in December. Another MMC at 8 weeks.

While we were debating whether to try again I got pregnant again and this one held on. Due almost to the day the first one was but a year later.

It has been wonderful to do it all again with the benefit of hindsight. There was no stress this time to make sure he hit all his milestones or to potty train. My DM loves to criticise but this time I could point to the older ones and say "I know what I'm doing". I trusted my instincts far more and went with the flow more.

Of course it hasn't all been plain sailing and we are just about to launch into GCSEs but no regrets. In fact if anything I wonder if we should have waited before having the others and not been in such a rush.

Yup

Question to all the nay sayers on here, if you met me (45) with baby (13 months) would you be judging me?

I am having a lovely time with my baby OP ... if you want a baby you go for it!

I'm now 62 and my two sons are 23 and 20. In an ideal world I would probably have had them sooner, but in reality I didn't meet the right man until I was nearly 35. I can honestly say I have never for one moment regretted being an older mother. I don't think they suffered by having older parents and we are still a very close family.

As regards the menopause, not all women have a hard time. Perhaps I was very lucky, but apart from two hot flushes, I don't remember any other symptoms, and I have friends who had a similar experience.

If you want another baby, I'd say go for it. Good luck!

I wouldn’t be judging you because it’s your life and doesn’t affect me at all. Do what you want. It’s just not for me. My friend’s mum had a baby totally naturally at 52 and all was fine.

I don’t disagree. I’d not have a baby in my 40s, or with a man in his 40s+, but I’m just curious as there was a thread here the other day from a woman who thought her 42 year old boyfriend was too old, and she was firmly told by most people that he wasn’t.
I think it’s down to personal choice and being informed of the risks.

If you are biologically able to have a baby, then of course you're not too old.

But just because something is biologically possible, does that mean it's a good idea?

It's biologically possible for a lot of 12 year olds to have a baby, does that mean they are old enough to have one?

I am in no way saying that having a baby at 43 is anything like that situation, but just trying to make the point that just because it's possible doesn't mean it's a good idea.