Am i too old to have a baby?

[rmonroe8]

Obviously i know that biologically once you hit 40 it's classed as old to have baby but many still do with no issues but at what point is it selfish to have a baby?
The reason i'm asking is because i've just hit 43 and want another child with my partner who i have been with for 2 years (i have a 16yo and 7 year old from previous relationships)
Sorry if it sounds like i'm being ridiculous but would it be a struggle having a baby at 43? The thought of being 63 with a 20 year old makes me feel like i'm pushing it abit now. I had my last two at quite average ages so i'm not sure how it would feel this time around, has anyone had any experience having a child in their 40s? Do you regret it?

I don’t think you’re too old but I’d be having reservations purely because there seems to be some new partner/have baby thing going on here. I work for quite an old lady and a few months ago she was talking about how it was normal for women to have babies in their 40s when she was younger.

Sorry, I know those are the negatives. I wouldn't be without them, but I'm glad I stopped before 40. (Obviously totally different for a first time mum)

I wouldn’t at your age or when I’ve only been in a relationship with the man for two years.

If he buggers off are you willing to be a single Mum in your fifties to a young child?

You’ll be old, yes. You’d be 44 by the time you had the baby even if you conceived very quickly. Too old, though? That’s really your call.

The reasons I didn’t want a baby in my 40s were many: teenagers that would’ve been horrified; career taking off and not wanting to take another maternity leave; finances; space - house, car etc; not wanting to put my body through another pregnancy; not wanting to be doing the school run in my 50s; zero interest in ever doing toddler groups and little kiddy activities ever again; perimenopause; wanting to retire at some stage! valuing my sleep! And on and on…

But these were MY reasons. You might have totally different circumstances. It really is a decision only you can make and random opinions on the internet shouldn’t come into it.

He has a child, you have a children. I think bringing in another baby would add a whole new level of complication regardless of age.

You’re too old. You could be hitting the menopause by the time your kid has started school

And? I hit menopause when my dd was at primary school. What difference does it make? You just get on with it.

There were loads of older mums. In fact the majority were.

This was me. I had Dd at 42. She bought so much fun and joy to the entire family. Her older brothers just adored her. And the smallest age gap was 12 years.

lt wasn’t complicating, it was unifying. She had 4 adults and one teen dancing constant attendance on here!

She’s 16 now and still adored. Do what you want. So many gloomy posts on here.

Exactly this!

You don’t need to have a baby in every single different relationship. Especially not after just two years. You’re so far out of the baby stage, why the fuck would you want to start again?

This.

Three children with three different men surely not a good idea especially as it is a newish relationship and you are in your 40s.

This was the point I would want to make too. But you've put it across a lot better :)

With all due respect, having children with two previous men haven't solidified the relationships. And given the short life of the current relationship, and your age, doesn't jump out as a great idea.

You don’t need to have a baby with every relationship. It doesn’t make it more valid. Especially as he also has a child and has already experienced parenthood. You already have four children between you. Your eldest is at a crucial stage of their life. Please just try to be happy with what you have.

I don't think 43 is too old but I don't think you should be planning a baby with someone you've only been with for 2 years.

I had my last at 41, planned,was very fit and healthy,my best, easiest pregnancy
No-one has mentioned the very high risk of Downs Syndrome on here. Now 72, with a 30 year old,I really notice it,(my oldest is 52) the age of her friends and partners parents. I look bloody old and awful in family photos. She's just had a baby,and I am definitely not sure I would be able to run round after a toddler.

I had my second at 40 he has autism, global delay and learning difficulties.
I have no regrets but it can be hard.

I had mine at 41 and 43. I'm 60 now. My age hasn't been an issue. My husband died when they were little (heart attack at 51). That had the biggest affect - how everything was down to me and now my 19 year old is really struggling and it's hard to deal with without a partner. That would be the case if I was 20 years younger though.
My cousin had her child at 45, a friend one at 47. All conceived naturally. If anything having a child late keeps you young!

If anything having a child late keeps you young!

I agree. I was 41 when I had DD.

Why would they?? I was 16 and my sisters 20 and 25 when my mum had my brother aged 44. We all loved him to bits and helped to look after him. He is now a kind, thoughtful 15 year old. Never once did we think it was a bad thing for our mum to have another when she naturally fell pregnant at 43.

I had my second at 43 and it was a far easier pregnancy and recovery than my first in my 30’s.
I had built a very successful career, had a nearly paid off house, a good long term set of friends around me and had a ball traveling and dancing till dawn in my 20’s & early 30’s.
Of course your not too old. In fact I love going to concerts etc with my teens

Why don't you just enjoy the rest of your life without taking on any more major responsibilities? You've done your bit, with 2 DC already, and the world isn't going to run short of people any time soon. We're up to 8 billion ATM!

I have custody of my 2 and 3 year old granddaughters. I’m 49 now. I’m exhausted - all of the time.

I started peri menopause at 40 & gave birth at 42, no issues getting pregnant, being pregnant or birth. I am tired though but I push through!

“ Why do you want another? To “cement “ your relationship Didn’t work before did it? Yawn

In your situation I wouldn't as you already have two children and your partner has a son. I say that as someone who had their first at 39 and am planning another aged 40. Circumstances led me to be an older mother but I would have much preferred to be 5 or 6 years younger. Some days I really feel my age.

You don't need a baby to show your commitment to eachother. And you both already have children.

This. ^ Running around after toddlers/infants/primary age children in your mid to late 40s (full time) is something the vast majority of people really do NOT want to do! I can't get my head around why anyone would elect to have a baby in their mid 40s!