Am i too old to have a baby?

[rmonroe8]

Obviously i know that biologically once you hit 40 it's classed as old to have baby but many still do with no issues but at what point is it selfish to have a baby?
The reason i'm asking is because i've just hit 43 and want another child with my partner who i have been with for 2 years (i have a 16yo and 7 year old from previous relationships)
Sorry if it sounds like i'm being ridiculous but would it be a struggle having a baby at 43? The thought of being 63 with a 20 year old makes me feel like i'm pushing it abit now. I had my last two at quite average ages so i'm not sure how it would feel this time around, has anyone had any experience having a child in their 40s? Do you regret it?

@Wish44

Question to all the nay sayers on here, if you met me (45) with baby (13 months) would you be judging me?

Well, what do you think? I can't believe you even need to ask that question!

Also, as I have said before, I see soooo many women on here who have had babies in their mid 40s - or older - and yet in real life, I don't think I have ever seen a pregnant woman over 40! Late 30s, yes a few, and lots in their early 30s and many more in their 20s... but 40s? Nope.

Where do you live, @PurpleButterflyWings ? While I think this particular OP must be mad to have a third, I don't think 40 year old mothers-to-be is that unusual. How can you never have seen any?

Chances of naturally falling pregnant at 43 are around 3%.

Really @PurpleButterflyWings ! Where are you looking?

My ds was born when I was 45 & 2 months.
My DM had me at 42&3 months. She had dsis at 44&5 months.
Dsis had hers at 41& 7 months.
Dniece is expecting at 41&9 months.
NCT friends were 45+1 and 40+6

It's the norm in our family. None of us have babies before mid 30s.

I made the choice against for financial reasons. In your shoes I wouldn't want to have to push retirement back so far to pay for uni etc and save more for retirement. Also my existing kids were very against.

@PurpleButterflyWings

Also, as I have said before, I see soooo many women on here who have had babies in their mid 40s - or older - and yet in real life, I don't think I have ever seen a pregnant woman over 40! Late 30s, yes a few, and lots in their early 30s and many more in their 20s... but 40s? Nope.

Have you ever been to a city?

@PurpleButterflyWings
Mums over 40 depends on where you live, deprived areas probably less common but where I live (Winchester) very common to meet mums in 40s.

@PurpleButterflyWings I have to ask as I would never judge a woman for having a baby. It is not always in their control.

Anyway at least you are honest. Do you think that me and other women in their 40's who find themselves pregnant should have had abortions?

If you judgments are for concern for the baby it may reassure you to know my baby has an ace life. Much nicer than my older two DC ,in so many ways as my life is better, finances etc

Before contraception was invented it was very normal for women to have babies for as long as they were fertile; well into their 40's.

@PurpleButterflyWings where l live there are just no mums in their 20’s. None.

All 30’s and 40’s

Ditto. I can count on one hand the number of women I know who had kids before the age of 30.

We can all play “let’s point fingers at the freaks, @PurpleButterflyWings

Re: the ''i've never seen one'' stuff. What an odd comment!

Do you meet loads of people with new babies and know them well enough to know their age?

I mean if you're a midwife or HCW saying that it's noteworthy i guess, but other wise ... odd thing to say

43-44 is not too old to have another child. I had DS2 at almost 41, friend had her first at that age and her second at 44. She had no problems, is quite fit (runs every day) and is very happy. Yes, there are additional risks but my midwife explained to me that it wasn’t clear exactly what was the issue with delivering at 40 plus with second child separate from the risks of having number 4 or 5 as most of their data on mums over 40 was from women on number 4 or even more- that might have changed in the last 14 years though.
However, you already have several DC between you. That, to me, is the issue.

When I had DD at 41,DH was 35 and had no children, otherwise we wouldn't have done it. I don't regret having her, not a bit
As for "seeing"pregnant women over 40,my DH worked with a lot of people in their early 20s, I went with him to a works Christmas do,6 months pregnant, wearing ordinary clothes (a 50s style dress belonging to oldest DD) the people who hadn't met me,on being told, asked if it was my first,were absolutely staggered to hear I had a 21 year old. I went through the menopause early 40s,and yes, mine was hell.

Personally, I wouldn't.

I had my son at 39. If I had the opportunity to turn back the clock, I'd have definitely had him 5 years earlier. Am now going through perimenopause and it's a struggle with a primary aged child. My energy levels have plummeted and managing hot flushes, migraines, insomnia etc is proving really hard when you have a child that is still fairly dependent on you.

I don't regret my child at all. He is my biggest source of joy. But I don't doubt it would have been easier on me physically if I'd done this earlier....

My grandmother had her last baby after a big gap at 47, obviously unplanned. My Dad was 19 when his brother was born.

The sad part was when the baby was 3 months old, my Grandfather passed away very suddenly ( heart attack )

It often gets mentioned on these threads that it was very common in the past for women to keep having babies into their 40s etc. They didn't have much choice though, did they, without access to reliable contraception and safe abortions.

I wonder what a lot of them would think, of women who have much more control over reproduction, choosing to have babies so late. I bet a lot of them would have liked the choice not to.

More babies born to over 40’s than 20-25’s in 2020.

Click on 2020

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/datasets/birthsbyparentscharacteristics

For the people saying they have never seen a mum in their 20s / they’ve never seen a mum in their 40s…do you never leave the house?! They are everywhere 🤣

I suspect they don't talk to others so they don't get the clue they are younger or older than they look.

I suspect they don't talk to others so they don't get the clue they are younger or older than they look.

I agree. Everyone assumed I was younger than I was when DD was born (I was 41).

My Gran had twins at 43. My grandad was 37. She lived till her 80s but he died at 55.

i am older than that now but no I wouldn’t. Not with that kind of age gap. Just as life gets easier going back to the baby and young child stage. No thanks.

I had a surprise baby at 41 (my others were 19 and 9) and it's absolutely no different from when I had my others.
Do whatever makes you happy 🤷‍♀️

I had a baby at nearly 43, my older kids were 15 and 17 at the time. I am now perimenopausal 3 years later and it's tiring with a demanding job as well but I wouldn't change it. I did have IVF though (same sex relationship). Not sure how easy it is to just get pregnant at 43. Though obviously it can happen.

I live in London and it's completely normal for women in my circle to have their first at 43! I was 36 when my son was born and 39 when My daughter was born. In the eyes of some, I was young!

You know what having a baby is like. You know what to expect and can probably judge if you can cope. It's up to you and biology. No one else.

Id give it a go and see....

Btw the menopause isn't that bad for everyone. Yes, it Caen be awful for some but not all.

I was 43 when fell pregnant unexpectedly with 3rd - 5 year relationship. Have 21 & 13 yo already. Dad is 54 & has 3 dc with his ex 30,27,23. We were surprised and understood the risks involved but ds now 3 months old. I’m appreciative of all the little things in ds development that I took for granted in younger years as a parent. Wasn’t treated any differently as a pregnant mum either and it’s common now to find parents in their 40’s.