Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

I always wonder if mums who breastfed and say they can never be separated from their baby for a minute realise what an anti-breastfeeding message this is?

It's also really disingenuous because plenty of women are ebf to young infants AND fulltime in the workplace; they manage by expressing milk which is provided to the infant in bottles by its caregiver. A breastfed baby need not be attached to its mother 24/7.

I worry about the other children; what sort of attention are they getting if the baby is paramount at all times?

I breastfed but i used to be able to get hair done, pop out alone and leave baby sometimes

They can survive for a couple hours by 3-4 months

This is the same in my DC primary school

Just 2 family members, no siblings

Mine wouldn't take a bottle, and although I know he wouldn't have starved to death for the duration of a nativity play, it still would have felt wrong not to have him with me at 4 months and caused me anxiety. He's 6 now and I'm thrilled when his grandparents want him for the night but at 4 months I had not left him with anyone else mostly due to breastfeeding on demand.

Glad the op can attend the rehearsal it seems a really good compromise from the school.

People parent differently, but feeding on demand isn't unusual.

I think there's some real internalised misogyny in this statement. The onus for change is on the oppressor, not the oppressed. Society needs to stop treating woman poorly (and the subsection if women that are breastfeeding mothers), women shouldn't have to decide to parent in a way other than they want (and is commonly recommended as in the child's best interest). Women do not cause their own oppression by choosing to feed on demand.

I really feel that you're making a mountain out of a molehill here for several reasons...Teachers and the children work very hard to perfect these plays and I can tell you I have nothing but admiration for those teachers! As others have said, in general most don't go on for hours for obvious reasons so, unless you live miles away from the school why has it become such a massive issue? You perhaps don't express milk or you would have possibly mentioned it as this would have been the obvious answer, especially as your baby is now 4 months old...Much as you seem to feel entitled to special favours because you're breast feeding, I do think you will have to work around the rules by doing as others have suggested with moving the feeds a little if you want to see the play and, from another perspective how would your two little boys feel if you didn't go to watch them? You're their Mum too and your baby won't starve if you're a little late with the next feed!!!

But if it’s their experience what are they supposed to say? Babies aren’t a hivemind any more than Mumsnet is: on this thread alone we’ve had “breastfed babies don’t cry” and “leave them with a bottle of expressed milk”, “they’re mostly asleep at four months”, and “they feed every three to four hours by then”, none of which mirrors my experience. (And I was on the side of OP going in without her baby! Picturing the baby with the aunt in the school corridor, really.) And anxiety plays a huge part. It’s not anti-breastfeeding to be honest about the huge spectrum of experiences that EBF encompasses.

Feeding in demand is common. But not being able to leave a baby at all by 4 months sounds awful. No haircuts, no dental appointments, nothing that does not involve being constantly with your baby.

@stuntbubbles That is a very reasonable comment. I gave up breastfeeding because I was sick of my baby constantly clamped to my breast. I started a thread on here about it and was told that it was not normal by that stage.
I felt I got a bit of a life back when I stopped.
But sorry this is a derail.

We'll agree to disagree.

@User3billion 100% agree.

These high pressure nativities hyper focused on the children's performances with no children allowed in the audience sound pretty joyless and stressful.

@antelopevalley Aren’t we all just freewheeling down the derail highway at this point?!

The relentlessness of breastfeeding probably did contribute to my PND, in retrospect – but then again there were also a million other contributors! – and it was a joyous relief when she was properly on solids and I was FREE. For a whole two-three hours. I’m sorry you were told on here it’s not normal: I think there’s a huge spectrum of normal!

Ultimately my feelings on it all are: breastfeeding can be great and has lots of benefits; thank goodness for formula and everyone it helps; babies are delicious; babies are tough; it’s really great when they stop being babies and you can do something else.

A very sensible resolution, @WinnieLovett - I hope you enjoy it.

A word of warning - take tissues - there is something very tearjerking about a lot of infant school children singing Christmas carols!

They can survive for a couple hours by 3-4 months

One of mine could. another couldn’t survive long enough for me to shower. They’re not all the same.

People on here don’t seem to realise that you can be playing with, reading to and cooking for your older child while breastfeeding. It doesn’t mean the older child isn’t getting attention or that the op won’t be able to watch the show. Once established, bf is something you can do while you get on with life.

Hairdresser and dentist etc I took baby with.

i think this is pretty poor. In my previous job I organised lots of events and always made exceptions for ‘babes in arms’. I can’t imagine someone is going to kick off about not bringing a toddler just because a tiny baby is allowed. It seems odd to me.

'Fair all round' What about those with a 7 month old baby? Basically, now the new rules suit you, it's all of a sudden 'fair'.

They’re probably not checking baby ID at the door but I’m sure a fake one is easy enough to knock up.

Hilarious The point I was making that the OP caused such a fuss, claiming how unfair it was etc but now the new rules suit her, it's all of a sudden fair. What about single parents who have a toddler with them? They'll miss out. But the OP still thinks that the rules are 'fair'. How entitled.

A good and sensible resolution, OP! Pleased the head stuck to her guns but glad you can watch the rehearsal. All sorted.

Proving once again that someone kicks up enough fuss they will get their way. Especially the over entitled ones who thinks the world revolves around them (yes, I mean OP)

I personally thing it's a silly rule. Our school have one silent performance as they record and the rest they are happy for siblings to be there.

To be fair, someone hellbent on bringing their cranky baby into an audience, regardless of who else it affects, is hardly going to be the gold standard of consideration for other people.

I am glad OP is happy with the resolution, I wouldn't be. There's still large group of parents that schools alienating - those with toddlers for example, single parent families, those with no family close by. I've been a parent of school age child for almost 7 years, I've attended christmas concerts, assemblies, meetings and I am yet to witness one of these being ruined by baby or child in the audience. Carers come prepared with snacks, toys etc and worst case scenario leave briefly.

Presumably not you, but similar people ruined my experience of my children's plays (and not just nativity, but they had much bigger parts in plays further on). Nothing disrupts a play more than a squirmy toddler! By the time they're taken out it's way too late. Even worse than a grizzly baby!