Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

Don't be silly.

Hard to argue that exclusion of breastfed babies is absolutely essential to the running of a nativity play when schools all over the country allow them to come.

Tell that to all the children who have put in loads of work and are really excited to show it off - only for no-one to be able to hear because of younger siblings

I don't think a mum should be denied entry with a newborn in a sling! I would not have been happy leaving my newborns as I fed on demand. You would be holding the baby and people wouldn't even know unless the baby cried in which case you could go out, totally different to taking a toddler!

That’s not how assessing whether a legitimate aim works.

If the school considers that the best thing for its performing students is for there to be minimal disruption from younger children, then that is a legitimate aim. It doesn’t need to be “essential” - just better. The fact that other schools have a different view is neither here nor there.

*whether there is a legitimate aim, that should say.

(Needless to say, the proportionality test is met by the school permitting younger children during the rehearsal.)

Four months isn't a newborn. Many kids that age go to nursery all day.

Glad it's worked out for you but please sit at the back and go outside the moment your baby even murmurs.

@WinnieLovett i agree it’s unreasonable. I wouldn’t have been able to attend if this was the rule at our school. We have no family nearby and I wouldn’t leave my 4 month old breastfed (bottle refusing) baby with a babysitter and tbh I’d struggle to get a babysitter for a short time as they are usually minimum 3 hours where I live (london). My husband works a very demanding job and doesn’t get time off for these things. But even if he did- he’d want to attend, not be with the baby.
I think it’s entirely reasonable to request to hover at the back/sit at the back just in case baby cries. But in my 6 years of experience, if a breastfed baby cries you just stick a boob in it anyway. I’ve attended lots of “quiet” things and also travelled in the quiet carriage numerous times with a breastfed baby. To

be honest I think many of these replies are from people who possibly don’t breastfeed/understand breastfeeding. An hour is a long time to leave an exclusively bf 16 week old baby who hasn’t been left before.

it’s the same at weddings. I get the no kids rule. But babes in arms/breastfeeding is different in my opinion. I once had to attend a wedding without my 5 months old. I had to drive to our hotel and back 9 times during the wedding. I couldn’t drink and it was absolutely shit. I wasn’t able to relax and enjoy it. It’s easy to set these rules/agree with them if you haven’t had lived experience of it.

i would push back and say the above if I were you. Or just turn up with baby and sod them.

Agree! Absolutely agree.

That’s reasonable and inclusive for all. Enjoy the rehearsal.

Give over, you loon.

Good update, OP! Glad you can go and glad it’s equitable for all babes in arms.

I asked you to cite the case you rely on, or point out which part of my legal summary was wrong, and am still waiting for you to do so. I will draw an inference as to why you have not done so.

The PSED relates to the decision making process and what you have to take into account, it doesn’t impose a duty as to what the outcome of that consideration should be as long as the decision making process complies.

@Lulusays
it’s the same at weddings. I get the no kids rule. But babes in arms/breastfeeding is different in my opinion. I once had to attend a wedding without my 5 months old. I had to drive to our hotel and back 9 times during the wedding. I couldn’t drink and it was absolutely shit. I wasn’t able to relax and enjoy it. It’s easy to set these rules/agree with them if you haven’t had lived experience of it.

why on earth did you keep going back? why did you go at all?

I feel like maybe you haven't read the full thread.

I've been consistently clear that I understand that the school can make this choice, but that it is a shitty and discriminatory choice to make.

Clearly the school though so too when it was raised, and I'm pleased there has been a reasonable outcome.

I’m surprised you say that because I’ve been posting on the whole thread, about why it isn’t discrimination.

I also have said I don’t support them banning siblings.

So yes, I have read the thread. I’ve responded to your specific post which seems to talk about the ultimate decision made regarding the PSED, rather than the decision making process.

"Except the breastfed siblings can’t be left,"

Eh? What's happened to breastfed babies since mine (now adult) were at that stage? It was perfectly easy to leave them for a couple of hours, either with a bottle of expressed milk, or, in an emergency, a bottle of water (which wasn't needed - a cuddle sufficed).

They are fit and healthy and don't seem to have come to any harm.

I understand that the school can make this choice, but that it is a shitty and discriminatory choice to make.Clearly the school though so too when it was raised, and I'm pleased there has been a reasonable outcome.

I doubt very much that the school thought anything of the sort. It reached a compromise when that parent who thinks they’re special kicked off.

No. Rude.

And having worked very hard on many school plays that's a risk we weren't taking. (Used to happen in the early days)

Surely you realise not everything can be designed for your personal convenience? The no sibling rule is there so that the children can enjoy performing their nativity okay and parents can hear them and not have them drowned out by younger children and babies.

As others have said it's only for an hour max - let your husband look after the baby.

@Nanny0gg

It's. A. School. Play.

It's a family occasion. It's not "ruined" by families being able to share the experience & you suggesting it is, is just as rude.

Life is far too short for school staff who have ideas of being West end directors. I've worked in both mainstream & SEN schools, I've done lots of plays, ALL were inclusive.

Inclusion and acceptance is key to a happy & successful school, not how quiet your audience is at a school production.

@BloodAndFire that is a very good point! To be honest it don’t know why I went. It was good friends of ours and in an epic location and I was craving seeing my friends and dressing up. I had FOMO and just desperately didn’t want to miss out. It was really really taxing though. At one point (10pm) I fell into a knee deep puddle (this was also during storm Desmond). Looking back I think I was suffering from temporary insanity 🤣Bless my parents too as they had to deal with a deeply unhappy 5 month old and our 2 year old 🫣. The same mates now have a baby and had to attend a wedding with a baby same age- baby was allowed though 😏.

Agreed. The fact that their concession was allowing her to attend when there won’t be an audience (rather than an actual performance) is telling.

Agree.

Not to mention that maybe the performing child could get a little of its parent's exclusive attention for a change, instead of being overshadowed by baby.