Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

Can she feed in a sling? Big coat over the top, you wear a hat and dark glasses, no one need know so long as she stays latched on.

Failing that can you watch the afternoon performance with DH/a friend outside the room with the baby, then DH watches the evening performance?

i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position

But babies and toddlers still cause disturbance to the performance in this day and age! Having a newborn as well as school age kids is by its nature inconvenient for a couple of years. Nobody is "putting you in a position", they are prioritising the parents and children involved in the play, and rightly so.

Very standard for these things. If they make an exception for you, they have to for everyone.

In my experience (having exclusively breastfed 4 children until 12-18 months of age) they don’t tend to cry when the milk source isn’t there!!!! If they are fed before the performance they will last until after the performance!!

I find it really amazign that in 4 months your baby has never had to be even slightly delayed for her feed (15 mins early, 30 mins late). As long as she's with someone she knows they should be able to distract her for half an hour while you watch the performance. Babies (BF or FF) can be noisy and disruptive. So can a parent shufling out of those low PE benches trying to get out with said noisy baby so as not to disrupt the performance (which already will be prone to distraction and not entirely seemless).

I have to say the whole "being put in this situation" in "this day and age" is pretty dramatic.

There are always parents who wont sit near the door and duck out asap if their baby cries. There are always children who have worked hard on a single line only for it to be drowned out by a baby or toddler.

I remember one of the teachers holding ds2 outside the hall so I could watch DS1's nativity.

The children really work hard on their Christmas plays.

At four weeks I'd agree but four months is kind of the time feeding intervals stretch out so you shouldn't have to miss out. Will she take a bottle and you could pump some milk? I went to hairdressers when DD2 was 3mo and was away a couple of hours and left a little milk. She did take it from DH, albeit slightly suspiciously! I was out again on Fri night for longer this time (she's 5mo now) and again she took a bottle fine despite not having tried one for a couple of months.

The DCs school always did a "dress rehearsal" the day before for families with tiny ones. Can't you campaign for that? I always preferred it tbh. There was much more pressure on the DC for the "official" ones.

Send dad to watch & he can film it on his phone?

God I'd be jumping at the excuse to miss the nativity..

But really, just feed the baby a bit earlier. She can't need a feed precisely to the minute at those times.

So your hungry babies never cried even when their feed was late? Depending on how often OP is feeding she may not be able to feed that much earlier. 15 minute walk to school, 10 minutes standing around waiting and getting seats, 30 minutes show, 5 minutes whilst the teacher wakes lyrical, 10 minutes getting your two kids out with all their stuff, 25 minutes home is now nearly 90 minutes. I

They should be doing a performance where siblings can attend. Many parents don't have a support network so have little choice but to attend with siblings or not at all.

As PPs said the children often make less noise than grownups anyway. I was shocked at how much chatting was going on during DC's harvest festival, the head had to use her teacher voice on parents!

How dramatic. Why can’t you feed the baby a bit earlier?

Surprised people are saying this is standard practise, DD went to 5 different primary schools (military family) and that was never the rule in any of them.
Seems very harsh, don't understand why they can't have two performances, one with children and one without, not everyone has access to childcare.

Surely a 4 month old can go 90 min between feeds on one day for a single feed? I say this as someone who has breastfed two kids for over a year and is currently on a third newborn.

It’s a fair enough rule because some kids would ruin it for others.

You want to see your dd's play. Other dps want to see and hear theirs!!
Downside of more than 1 dc imo.

Thank god there are some schools enforcing this rule - I used to get sick of crying babies and noisy toddlers drowning the kids on stage out. And for all the ‘I’d just take mine out’ there are plenty of parents who did not. Ever. Either sort it out or don’t go - it isn’t about you, it’s about the kids on stage. If you seriously cannot leave a 4 month old for an hour tops then don’t go. Don’t make a ridiculous fuss feeding back to the poor school who probBly get more complaints about noisy siblings.

What a great idea. I hope that your school does this.

I’ve lost count of the amount of school plays I’ve sat through where people bring babies/preschool children and they have spoilt the enjoyment for everyone else. Little ones fuss and cry/whine and the parent won’t leave the hall as they don’t want to miss it….sod everyone else!

If you want to go, you’ll work it out.

Ok, this isn’t new…most nativity plays in primary schools have 2 performances. Dad goes to one. You go to other-if baby needs to be fed just before/after ..take dad along with baby and he waits in corridor, you sit where you can see him .. but feed just before you go in.

Totally normal and tbh a completely reasonable rule.

I don't think this is an issue at all either. Baby gets top up feed (whether they're due one or not, you offer it) just before you leave. This will keep them going whilst you are gone for the 30min performance (nativity plays are super short!) and you leave pumped milk or formula with DH for emergency/jsut in case?

My DC only has one during school time. If they have this rule I wouldn't be able to watch it as we have no family nearby. It really isn't as easy to "get someone to watch" if you don't have anyone.

i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position

What has ‘this day and age’ got to do with anything?!

As a teacher who once saw a really excellent school Christmas production totally ruined by parents letting younger siblings cry and scream over the children speaking, despite being asked to step outside if they started making a noise, I think the school are being very sensible. They are prioritising their own pupils.

Totally normal IME not to have siblings there. You just have to adapt. Unfortunately if an exception is made in your case then everyone will want the same.