Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

It’s quite simple really, if the school say no siblings just don’t take siblings. If you can’t leave them for whatever reason then you can’t go can you. It’s sad but hopefully one parent/grandparent can go to see the nativity.

So you’d take two 4 month olds who scream blue murder when they want feeding, and who cares if nobody can hear the play over the howling? How lovely.

I don’t understand the vitriol - working in a school, realistically we ask for no siblings. Mum turns up with babe in arms. She isn’t going to barge into the hall. She’s going to queue up with everyone else and walk in and the school aren’t going to consider it trespassing because they know she is a mum with a child at the school who has been invited to attend. The ‘no sibling rule’ isn’t law. It doesn’t mean she can’t set foot in the school. It depends how she feels about it. Probably intimidated and belittled and. made to feel unwelcome judging by many posts. If it was me, years on from when I was more concerned about not causing other people to be inconvenienced in any way by my existence, I’d just walk in with my baby, as I do believe that in terms of equality legislation the school wouldn’t want to ask me to leave. Realistically my baby would be happier being fed than being left with someone in a car for a couple of hours.

That is your view. You could also enter into a dialogue with the school to clarify their position on bringing in small babies who are breastfeeding. If I satisfied with their response you could challenge it and/or complain. It is your right to do this.

The voice of reason

At 4 months she should be able to manage a couple of hours after a feed and not need you on constant standby. Perhaps start to bring the timing of her feeds slightly forwards in the lead up. If possible express and freeze milk so your sister can offer this as a back up, but not sure how necessary this is, surely the nativity will be a fairly short event.

She doesn’t have to ‘manage’ though. She can just feed her baby the way she has been doing in line with every bit of advice and support she has received until this point. Maybe the midwives in hospital should alter their guidance to say don’t feed on demand, actually consider bringing feeds forward, express and freeze milk so your sister can feed your baby and be aware that primary schools do not welcome babies that cry to nativity plays, harvest festivals, Easter services and so forth, but don’t worry they are only short. You and your baby will be fine, your baby won’t become dehydrated and you should really learn that, although you are perfectly welcome to feed your baby in cafes, restaurants, on buses, in libraries, sometimes people feel very uncomfortable about the fact that you will feel you have an equal right to share space with other people, and they will insist that although you are welcome, your baby is not. But that is just life, not discrimination. So keep up the good work now, get the latch right, feed constantly if needs be to build up your supply, relax, try not to feel uncomfortable feeding in front of others… it won’t be until about the four month mark that people will start feeling that your presence is an inconvenience to them.

Huh?! Unless she is unwell or some other factor (which OP hasn’t mentioned) a 4 month old baby wouldn’t typically feed more than 2 hourly. If OP is in in U.K. right now dehydration is very unlikely. OP/her baby also seems to be feeding on something of a schedule.

I was encouraging the OP to go if she wants to and not feel she has to miss out if she cannot get an exception to attend. I never made any comment about breastfeeding in public or anything about what should or shouldn’t be allowed at the nativity. Having a rant is not helpful to the OP.

The voice of reason

Ha, good one!

You said she ‘should’. I simply questioned why should she have to change what she is doing in line with other people’s views. You say ‘having a rant’ is not helpful to the OP. I doubt the OP will ever return for us to find out. I most definitely am concerned to help the OP and will rant as much as I like about it if that is what you call people have a discussion on a discussion forum

I don’t understand this place

@restingbitchface30

Would you honestly take 4 month old twins into a nativity and not give a s if they started getting restless , crying etc and disrupted the play

I really don’t get it 😞

Irrelevant as a school is NOT a public place. Stop posting shit that you think you understand when you have no proper knowledge of the legislation.

I have as much right as you to post my opinion and won’t be bullied about it. The ‘rule’ that the school imposed is not legal. It is a request. It has no legal basis and would not be enforced. Your attitude is thoroughly unpleasant an unsupportive to the OP. We are talking about a mum wanting to watch her children in a nativity play. Not a complex discrimination case that only qualified solicitors can pass comment on.

Your opinion is BS though and you have again stated that the rule isn't legal and it is totally within the right of the school to do this. You are again spouting your opinion which is factually inaccurate, but please feel free to continue to do so. And you're right, it isn't a complex case but a very simple one.

@NastyPastie

The OP doesn’t NEED to have her baby with her , she has a partner / sister who can sit with the baby

If the baby feeds on demand how on earth does she know the baby will need fed then at the time she would be at the play

If OP is in a routine 30 mins out isn’t going to kill mum or baby

What OP will have is two deviates little boys who didn’t see their mummy at their Nativity

OP isnt being discriminated against because she is breastfeeding

The school rule is no siblings - the day is about the kids in the show I’m sure you could give them that

Seems harsh to me. DD school always state that babies are welcome as long as we leave if they cause a disturbance. DS used to breastfeed right through (he was virtually welded to my boob at 4 months, no chance of bringing feeds forward or back!).

So tell me, when a HT imposes a ‘no sibling rule’, how would it actually be enforced? Is it a request, issued by the HT to guide parental expectation and behaviour or is it a legally enforceable rule, if broken sanctions to be applied by the judiciary after reporting to police and case being prepared for CPS? If a parent raised a complaint against this ‘rule’ the HT would use their skills in diplomacy and apply commonsense to resolve the issue. As a Headteacher you can create rules for the children of the school, and apply your own sanctions, but you are confusing rules and requests and guidance issued by schools with laws, such as no parking etc. a headteacher can’t apply to the courts if a parent brings a sibling to the school nativity. At a push they could pursue the complaints policy internally and ban them from the premises but very unlikely, particularly given the sensitivity of this issue.

This is why I gave up breastfeeding at 4 months. I did not want a baby welded to my breast nearly all the time.

@NastyPastie

Of course the school can enforce the rule
If every parent turns up with a sibling the venue would then have too many people in attendance and health and safety rules would be broken 😞
God forbid the fire alarm went off and a mad rush happened and you couldn’t t get to your child because there was too many people in your way you would be the first to complain about it 😞

He bf until 2 years, on demand, I loved it and he loved it.

DD on the other hand was bottle fed from 3 months and was like clock work.

Oh, come on! A 4 month old is not going to realise if you feed her half an hour earlier than usual (whatever usual is - you must have the discipline of a saint!)
And as an ex-teacher, there is nothing worse than a crying baby in the performance.

I would not be the first to complain about it. I understand completely how school events work, and understand the constraints on seating and the fire restrictions. Why would the headteacher allowing a person to bring a four month old baby lead to the catastrophic scene you paint?

@cakecoffeecakecoffee But you can't do anything! Having a baby virtually welded to your breast means going anywhere you have to carry a baby positioned carefully. It is so bloody limiting. Hated it.

@NastyPastie

Because if the school allows one sibling to the play then other parents will believe their own personal reasons to being the sibling along is as equally important
EG
How do you say to a single parent who has no one to look after the sibling sorry but for the foreseeable you won’t see any shows because no siblings allowed unless your breastfeeding them
Going to be a lot of 2/3 year olds hanging from their mums breasts 😂