I just don’t want to go

[Ijustdontwantto]

Supposed to be going out for dinner with friends tomorrow and I really don’t want to go. I need an excuse …

24 hr food poisoning.

That sounds a bit pants, OP.

I'd either be feeling "under the weather" or would have an upset stomach.

Ok, so they aren’t actually saying anything you just feel bad after. It sounds to me like you compare yourself unfavourably , you said some very horrible things about yourself , when you see them all together do you just feel like you can’t compete or are not in their league. But they don’t actually do anything to make you feel this way?

I'm surprised how many people are advocating OP makes a lame excuse not to go. It's not fair on the other friends or the restaurant, to let everyone down. Go, make the best of it, and don't accept future invitations

I think you should go and just resolve to say upfront next time that you can’t make it. I hate when arrangements are made and people drop out with no good reason. Don’t be a flake!

I’d go with feeling a bit run down. As it’s quite non specific but fair enough. And lots of people feeling run down at this time of year.

I do like them. I just don’t like being in a group with them in the evening when there’s booze. Things get a bit mean and it feels I’m the one on the receiving end, mostly because I am the fattest, ugliest and least ‘successful

Not sure why you like them then.

Don't go, just say you are feeing rough. You don't need to elaborate - 24 hour bugs are a thing.

So do I but it sounds like they only want her there as a butt of their not very funny or pleasant jokes. And if it's a group I can't see the issue anyway, they can still go, it's not like you are letting down one person.

Why not? Sounds ok to me, if it's your thing? I don't like hot chocolate, but...

If it helps, it may not, I nearly pulled out of something very similar last week - for similar reasons of feeling not quite great last time we all went out. That I was the one that didn't 'fit in'.

This time, don't know what it was, it gelled - one of them admitted she'd been feeling down the last time we met and that explained her being a bit of bitch to be honest. She was better this time. And, not just because of that, the dynamic was different. I was in a different place too.

Maybe worth one more go?

I will admit I did have my early get out excuse ready too - but didn't have to use it.

We met up earlier too, so didn't get as drunk - that helped.

I had similar for next week but then an afternoon hospital apt came through for my dad on that date - the perfect excuse - I need to take him so won’t be back until late.

Wait until the last minute then text "Sorry, I'm not going to make it after all. Maybe next time?" That way you've left yourself the possibility at least of being invited again.

I would go and just say after a few pokes that that's enough taking the piss out of me tonight, who's turn is it now? And if it carries on then a firmer Setiouly, stop it now.

Then never make plans with them again.

I had the same dilemma this time last year, I ended up going, I didn’t enjoy it. I’ve politely declined all the invites this year which have not surprisingly dried up.
I’m pleased I went and didn’t bail out.

In that case, don't just dismiss your feelings as being too sensitive, since this clearly bothered you and last time you were left with bad vibes about it all to the extent that you have written this thread wondering how to pull out of it again.

I think it's good that you are considering exactly what it is about the group dynamic that you don't like and sometimes it is hard to put a finger on "tone" but it doesn't make it any less real.
E.g. I do remember a putdown when I cycled to a meeting, a woman saying out loud to all assembled with a merry tinkly little laugh "Oh look at you.. on your bike!!!" basically calling everyone's attention to it and laughing at me. I ran this by two trusted friends who said it wouldn't have bothered them and they meant it. but I know I wouldn't speak to anyone like that - which in a way is part of the test of whether you are being over-sensitive or not.

You also need to ask yourself why you think you are ugly etc in comparison to these people instead of worrying about them. I'm sure you are not, but maybe you could try to think of ways you can become more confident in yourself. Find new activities/people that do make you feel good.
Having said that, They still invite you, and its probably not for entertainment, since you are friends with some of them on a one-to-one basis, and I don't believe anyone would seriously invite you in order to bully you. Although i do appreciate that the group dynamic needs a good kick. In a way, I'd feel sorry for them that their conversational skills are so limited that they are basically using the Lads Banter technique. Best of luck with what ever you decide to do. There's no right or wrong in this one.

Yes, Covid is the answer, don't say you've done a test, just that you think you have it. Or (if you have DC) say that you're afraid that one of your DC has covid.

Covid symptoms !!

Hacking cough. Tell them it’s not covid so it’s not a lie-lie, but you can’t/won’t sit in a restaurant coughing all over everyone.

Professional liars on this thread.

I've cancelled something this week just said 'sorry I can't make Friday , hopefully see you soon ' don't have to lie.

Sorry going to have to pass tonight, I was up half the night as woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. My bed is calling 😂

Just go you might enjoy it. I sometimes feel like I can't be bothered but always glad I went. Beats sitting at home.

YABU - what if the other friends decide they don't feel like it either and leave the organiser in the lurch? This is a thing that happens - I've had a friend who was on the bus to dinner when all 3 guests called and cancelled for reasons that basically amounted to them not being bothered ('A bit tired', 'A bit skint', 'Long day at work' etc).

Whoever organised dinner has done a nice thing inviting you and in my books unless you have a really good reason (genuine illness, family emergency, family event that gets booked in afterwards) you honour invitations, because otherwise you are letting people down.

Whoever organised dinner has done a nice thing inviting you and in my books unless you have a really good reason (genuine illness, family emergency, family event that gets booked in afterwards) you honour invitations, because otherwise you are letting people down.

Hear hear

I have a friend who frequently cancels last minute for reasons like “got too much on”. It’s particularly galling as the date has often been chosen based on her busy schedule. Not nice to know we are expendable rather than cancelling any of her other stuff. Or she could just make the effort even if a bit tired.