I just don’t want to go

[Ijustdontwantto]

Supposed to be going out for dinner with friends tomorrow and I really don’t want to go. I need an excuse …

You might enjoy it this time. If you don't go you'll never know.

If you go and are hating it you can always pick up your phone, study it intensely and then say you're sorry but you're going to have to leave. If anyone asks just be vague and say a problem's come up, you're not really sure what's going on. Make sure you leave enough money to cover your meal.

I'd be insulted if my friend didn't come to an event just because they didn't want to without any real reason (e.g it's not because of money or other commitments or a busy December so something has to give). I'd be reluctant to meet them after to be honest. It'd be hard to not take that personally?

You don’t have to go, just say you are ill or that you have double booked.

But sometimes things like these are the price we pay for our social groups. You only meet every few months anyway.

If this becomes a habit and you frequently cba- I’d be wary of not being invited next time. You might end up even damaging your 1:1 friendships.

Don’t just say you’re not coming. I don’t understand how people keep friends when they take that approach, most folks would be furious if they made arrangements with someone and the person ducked out at rhe last min and didn’t even bother their arse to explain why.

in this instance I’d do a little white lie and say you’ve the shits or something to save f feelings, and next time don’t agree to go. If you don’t enjoy it stop saying yes.

Nearly everyone would, it is unbelievably rude to cancel on someone with no explanation as to why

I agree, which is why I need an excuse.

Just say you’ve got the runs, have tried Imodium but nothings cutting it and you don’t want to be a party pooper, literally. Give some sauce about how you’re gutted to be missing out , jealous of their night on the tiles, and deeply apologetic for letting them down.

then next time say no, as it’s not ok to do this to friends.

I think you either have to go or have an honest conversation about why you don't want to.

Imagine how it feels to be let down at the last minute. Is that the friend you want to be?

I hate it when people pull out at the last minute. OTOH it’s a biggish group and my attendance won’t matter, and I genuinely feel uncomfortable with them as a group.

She’s an even worse friend if she says I know I agreed to this but quite frankly I don’t want to come I don’t enjoy your company and didn’t last time, so count me out, which is the truth of it.

What if 90% of the people attending had this attitude?

You ate something 💩

So why did you agree to go? The time to decline was when the invitation was made surely?

Do you want to be invited again? We had a “friend” who kept doing this, it became tedious so we stopped inviting her, problem solved.

Then that would be awful for the person left standing, which I can quite see.

However, I don’t want to spend the evening being metaphorically poked at which is what happens when the group are together. It happens infrequently enough that I can ‘yeah sure great idea’ but now it’s imminent I’m admitting to myself how much I really don’t want to go.

If it's a big group then it's easy; it would be much more difficult if you were just meeting one or two others.

Just say you can't get childcare or that you have to work late - anything that they can't find out later you were lying about!

In future, just don't agree to it then. Go this time, though: it's not fair and they may be really looking forward to seeing you. I have a friend who constantly pulls out of things last minute and it's just rude.

I’ve never done it before @byvirtue … it does get tedious I quite agree but you don’t always know how you feel about something until later, tbh.

You've 2 options.

1. Suck it up and go this time, and decline any group invites in the future
2. Pick one of the many white lies people here have suggested to you!

I don’t know, it’s hard because there’s a lot of ‘good natured’ taking the piss, but a lot of it seems aimed at me (but I could be being sensitive.)

In other words I don’t know if I am the problem or not!

How big is the group? If it is a small group then it is a bit rubbish to pull out at the last minute without a good reason. If a few people did that then you'd leave one or two people without anyone to go out with which is rubbish one day before.

If you genuinely don't enjoy their company and would feel better for not meeting up with them then better to stop making plans.

If it's a big group then it matter less. Do what you think will make you happiest.

Hard to say. I don’t want to be friendless (who does) and isolate myself. OTOH I don’t like feeling like the comedy turn either. And I genuinely can’t work out if I am or if I’m being very prickly.

I don't agree with this.

What if everyone attending had the same attitude and cancelled last minute?

Just say "Sorry, feeling really run down not going to make the dinner tommorow" Sometimes it's fine to cancel, particularly if there is a big group.