I'm mentally very unwell atm and husband wants to have sex. I don't right now.

[SweetDreams1212]

I'm battling through a horrible mental breakdown at the moment. I have long term mental health problems and things have got extremely bad recently. I have anxiety, ocd, depression, self harm, possible adhd. It's taking all my strength just to look after my little ones (4 & 1 yo) and do my part time job. I'm struggling with sleep, I've lost weight, eating isn't easy sometimes. Last night I was so tense I couldn't even swallow water properly.

My husband is kind and supportive generally but he's said that he wants more sex and intimacy in our relationship. The thought of sex just fills me with added anxiety at the moment. I'm on meds, getting therapy in the next few weeks, seeing a psychiatrist after Christmas.

I love my husband very much but I'm at a point where I'm so low and life feels incredibly difficult that I don't care if he goes off to find someone else if he wants to have sex and I cant do thst right now. He said once a week would be good but I don't even want that right now. I need time to get better and I just feel pressurised.

I mean my aim is just to work on getting better sleep, not waking up every morning with my heart racing and shaking all over, to be able to eat. Sex is way down on the list of needs for me. But AIBU?

Disgusting isn't it. Shame on all these posters who are suggesting that he is being anything less than a shit partner, especially as OP has said that he turned down the opportunity to spend time with her watching tv unless she was offering sex. He doesn't want intimacy, he wants a shag.

Anyone who would have sex with someone who is so unwell they can't even drink fucking water can fuck off.

OP, I hope you're getting the support you need from somewhere ❤

Thank you, but I don't need teaching what empathy is. I think you are showing support for the OP now, after being called out by several people. You've changed your overall tone from 'hey, think of the partner's needs' to 'I didn't say that, all I'm saying is that it's a need for me!'

Not true, but then I'm bored of having to defend myself at this point so back on topic.

I think you are showing support for the OP now, after being called out by several people. You've changed your overall tone from 'hey, think of the partner's needs' to 'I didn't say that, all I'm saying is that it's a need for me!'

👆

To the above posters. This is a very early comment on the thread. Please read the comments threads properly before accusing people of stuff. Have a great day now.

Well, it would depend on how often he didn't want to. Someone upthread asked the OP when she and her husband last had sex, and someone else said that was not relevant. I think it is relevant. If it was last week, he is being completely ridiculous and a knob to boot. If it was 9 months ago, then he is right to be worried about the relationship as a whole (as well as about his wife's health). Sex is part of a healthy relationship. It doesn't have to be timetabled, but sometimes it is a good idea to do it even if you don't really fancy it. I'm not saying the OP should, obviously, as she has far greater challenges than "not really fancying it" - just speaking more broadly. I stopped having sex with my husband, and it contributed to the breakdown of our marriage (though I'd say the reasons I stopped having sex with him were very good ones, and the marriage was doomed anyway).

As to me being a cow - if everything else is well, then I like to feel desired and desirable. If my partner didn't want it, I'd start feeling undesirable, and that is a slippery slope for me (I have already mentioned I have a history of MH problems which are very similar to those of the OP, including not being able to swallow food or drink).

This situation could have been going on for years!

it’s ok for the husband to ask if his wife wants to be intimate

if it’s a long term or short term situation he needs to just not ask at all according to this board

but I think it was ok for him to ask

feeling mentally unwell does not mean people don’t dtd in-fact of course they do

the verbal abuse directed at men on here is off the chart most days

not sure if most on here are single or not?!

probably are actually 😛

*not sure if most on here are single or not?!

probably are actually 😛*

Presumably because all single people are bitter and depressed because they're not having sex, right?

A lesson in empathy followed by another passive aggressive post 🙄

Does a klaxon go off at Handmaiden HQ or something?

I don't think she can recall what she's posted. She's gone from demanding sex is rapey to sex is a need to demanding sex is rapey and thinks all these swerves are showing empathy. I don't think it's so much interest in OP's plight as 'look at me, all the sex I need with my raging libido!'

Mrs Danvers I don’t think bitter people are not having sex 🤣🤣

I just think nobody knows how long the situation has been ongoing so how can anyone comment on whether he is being unreasonable or not?!

I'm not single and I would guess that your prediction that most probably are is wrong.

Just because some/most of us aren't pandering to men doesn't mean that we are single.

the verbal abuse directed at men on here is off the chart most days

FFS, what is going on with Mumsnet? Verbal abuse directed at men is off the charts? On what fucking planet? Have you ever seen the rape and death threats women often get online on platforms like Twitter? Or maybe the subreddit like StruggleFuck that were up on Reddit? Where is that on The Charts? That’s actual verbal abuse, but sure, keep up the concern that women just aren’t being nice enough to men these days. 🙄

I agree @MrsDanversGlidesAgain

It's gone from 'me me me' to passive aggressive, sarcastic crap to back-pedaling. Like a form of gaslighting!!

Empathy my arse 😂

Gosh your tone comes across as quite aggressive Naunet

are you ok?

on a side note I’m away to see to my lovely family and make sure they’re all sorted for the next few hours…….

(not including dh as sadly he’s away tonight)

Awww poor menz not getting their dicks wet by their mentally ill wife 😭

Jesus Christ.

Oh no, does it? Nothing worse than an aggressive woman, is there?

No answer to where rape threats are on your chart then, and why mumsnet is worse than Reddit? No surprise there…

Have you read ops posts?

Hes being unreasonable whether this has gone on for 3 months or 3 years. His approach is just vile towards someone who hes supposed to love and respect.

How long this has gone on for is irrelevant in this situation.

Well they have a 1 year old. But I do wonder what OP set life was like before?

Why is that relavant?

This situation could have been going on for years!
If you are ill for years, at what point would you say that you should stop protecting your health and do something you feel unhappy about? How many months or years can you put your health first?

**How ( I need coffee)

Did… did you read the OP?!

If you’re too ill to have sex, you’re too ill to have sex. You don’t pass the six-month or year-long or “insert arbitrary length of time here” mark and suddenly go, “right I’m still too ill but it’s been a minute, pork me up, I’m not doing my wifely duty. Don’t worry, it still hurts/I’m not in the mood/it will physically or mentally destroy me, but as it’s been X amount of time I’ll simply shut my eyes and grit my teeth. Is there a stick I can bite down on?”