I'm mentally very unwell atm and husband wants to have sex. I don't right now.

[SweetDreams1212]

I'm battling through a horrible mental breakdown at the moment. I have long term mental health problems and things have got extremely bad recently. I have anxiety, ocd, depression, self harm, possible adhd. It's taking all my strength just to look after my little ones (4 & 1 yo) and do my part time job. I'm struggling with sleep, I've lost weight, eating isn't easy sometimes. Last night I was so tense I couldn't even swallow water properly.

My husband is kind and supportive generally but he's said that he wants more sex and intimacy in our relationship. The thought of sex just fills me with added anxiety at the moment. I'm on meds, getting therapy in the next few weeks, seeing a psychiatrist after Christmas.

I love my husband very much but I'm at a point where I'm so low and life feels incredibly difficult that I don't care if he goes off to find someone else if he wants to have sex and I cant do thst right now. He said once a week would be good but I don't even want that right now. I need time to get better and I just feel pressurised.

I mean my aim is just to work on getting better sleep, not waking up every morning with my heart racing and shaking all over, to be able to eat. Sex is way down on the list of needs for me. But AIBU?

Dunno, I just said sex is a need and got thrown to the lions den.

She gets to tell us how much sex she gets and how bitter and depressed the rest of us are if we aren't.

What has DH actually done wrong here?

You really need to ask? Seriously, what’s wrong with you?

Making her feel pressured to have sex but then saying he's too tired to cuddle up on the sofa for half an hour?

OP feels she 's being pressurised into sex she doesn't want to have. Right there in the opening post.

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You realise the op is in survival mode right? She is basically just about capable of surviving right now. She is very very unwell. Whether her dh wants or needs sex is irrelevant. She can't cope with it right now.

Imagine you're on that dessert island and you're barely alive, you have just enough energy to get water and food but that's it. You're probably not up for a shag are you? And if your husband magically turned up on that island when you're in that state, you'd probably want him to help you survive and get off that island and be a bit pissed off if his priority was getting his leg over.

Wrong. I said I'm the one who gets bitter and depressed when I don't get laid.

Back to topic please. This is about the OP and his twa-t of a husband.

Dunno, I just said sex is a need and got thrown to the lions den.

@Sandra1984 That's because sex is not a NEED. It's a want. Whilst you might determine you'd whither up and die without sex, much like anyone would without consuming water which is a NEED, that doesn't apply to everyone.

Your tone is off, you've been passive aggressive, sarcastic and for most of the thread, you've posted a pile of shite. This thread is not about you and what your sexual wants/needs or whatever are, but you have posted about yourself a fair bit.

Well you came to the right board op.

this man will get verbally assassinated left, right & centre for daring to request such a thing

i don’t know how long you have had issues for but at least you are addressing them

it can be exhausting and draining supporting a partner with MH struggles.

if you don’t want to be intimate at least suggest he takes time out to do things he enjoys

the relationship revolves around all of you not just you or him for that matter!!!!

Don't think there's any need to be rude. There's very little from the OP in this thread. Other than the throwaway "pressure" comment, she hasn't explained anything. I wish her all the best, of course, in her health and marriage. A lot of assumptions being made in the thread though. Just wanted a clear idea of the setup.

You were corrected when you wrongly said sex was a need like food, and that when someone hasn't been rogered regularly it can explain why they are an arsehole.

An arsehole is an arsehole. No sex might enhance the arseholeyness for sure, but that's the arseholes problem to fix. No one else's.

She thinks she’s special/liberated when in fact she just sounds like an abusive, coercive male.

Verbatim from your post

We all know you can't survive without air but you can survive without sex, but then you'll become bitter and depressed

You're addressing other posters there, aren't you? not talking about you.

And yes, everyone's sex drive is different, mine is quite high, like the OP's partner if I don't have regular sex all weeks I become grumpy, stressed and unhappy

So talking about two different things - you'll (other posters, generally) and I (that's you, specifically).

Well you came to the right board op

this man will get verbally assassinated left, right & centre for daring to request such a thing

whereas a woman who had a husband going through chemo for example, and wanted him to ‘give’ her sex once a week that he didn’t want, would get nothing but sympathy, right?!

You’re deluded.

There's very little from the OP in this thread. Other than the throwaway "pressure" comment, she hasn't explained anything.

The OP may have only made a few posts; however, there is more than enough information without asking - What has DH actually done wrong here?

Is sex a need in the context of the ops thread.

That’s entitlement, no a need.
Men will not drop dead from not having sex.

*not a need

Oh okay great. I must have misunderstood. So why were you saying, "yes, everyone's sex drive is different, mine is quite high, like the OP's partner if I don't have regular sex all weeks I become grumpy, stressed and unhappy. Sex is absolutely a need" if not to show support for the partner?

What I find baffling is how a man can work full time, have two very young children (and all the domestic graft that goes into that), see their wife unwell and suffering and yet getting their dick wet is the main priority for them... I can’t imagine being married to a man so selfish let alone wanting to be intimate with him.

@takealettermsjones Oh okay great. I must have misunderstood. So why were you saying, "yes, everyone's sex drive is different, mine is quite high, like the OP's partner if I don't have regular sex all weeks I become grumpy, stressed and unhappy. Sex is absolutely a need" if not to show support for the partner?

There's something called "empathy", very important in all aspects of life and specially when having a partner. As much as sex is a need for me I would never sex pest a partner who was ill, that's just rapey and wrong. I'm showing support to the OP because I believe that's just what her husband is doing which is pretty wrong IMO.

Doesn’t scream love, does it?