Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

[Pontipinetree]

Not sure what to do - usually gift nieces and nephews and godchildren some money each Christmas (have always done this per child). However one family is huge and getting bigger ! So where all the others have 2 or 3 children one family has a lot meaning we give £20 per child but it’s manageable when it’s £40 or £60 per family but then one family is getting into the hundreds so we thought this year with things a bit more difficult we would just do £50 for each ‘set’ of children in each family.
It’s got back to us that this isn’t fair that we’ve always done £20 per child and this is relied on especially so this year and I feel guilty.

If you give money do you do it per child or just per family ? It just seems a lot when one family is so big compared to the others ?

AIBU to change things to just a set amount for everyone ?

My nieces and nephews are family/humans in their own right and treated as individuals.

I don’t set a budget per child as within reason I want to get them all something that they’ll be happy when they open but that doesn’t necessarily mean expensive or equal cost.

My thoughts on your situation:

The youngest few of the eight (presuming there’s young kids as this seems like a recent issue) is probably drowning in handy down toys/clothes/books or too young to really realise what gift giving is about. They’d get a small wrapped stocking filler.

The primary age kids would be given a craft type activity kit that’s personal to them but also inexpensive.

Secondary age kids would be given a voucher/cash for £20 (if their parents are hard up they probably don’t get pocket money/get new things/their own things).

It’s not the kids fault their parents decided to have so many kids and they’re already missing out compared to their peers. A box of quality street and a board game isn’t thoughtful and they’ll know that they don’t mean much to you. But then again, lots of uncle/aunts don’t particularly care for their nieces/nephews but don’t be surprised if you’re not invited to their weddings/loose contact once they fly the nest.

Nieces and nephews should all get the same as each other so you could reduce the amount for everyone.

Godchildren I think you can treat differently if you want to.

Give a much as you can afford. But I would give the same to all the children - so do you pot and divide them by the nieces and nephews rather than by family. It's presents to them, and they shouldn't be punished for having siblings.

People expecting gifts is awful. What a way to bring up your children.
A gift per family is gone and very generous. I’d be tempted to send them a card with x number of trees have been planted in your name written inside.

You do what you can afford, but id divide the whole lot by the total children, as a child that was treated differently because of 4 siblings and constantly left out of family events because there was more of us I can tell you it sucks.

We used to watch all our cousins and aunts and uncles go on holiday together and not be invited because there was too many of us. Its shite and nothing the child has done.

Presents and amounts is always guaranteed to piss people off!!

@Bleachmycloths couldn’t you see it was on a par with “haven’t you got a TV?”. Fuckwittage is still fuckwittage even when you present it as an oh so funny little “joke”.

I would give a gift card .of the same value to each family for the children. It would not depend upon the number of children. You are giving a gift not meeting a financial obligation. I might add a box of chocolates or a large box of holiday sweets to go along with the gift cards.

When gifts get to be an entitlement or an obligation , you have truly lost the spirit of the holiday.

Give a much as you can afford. But I would give the same to all the children - so do you pot and divide them by the nieces and nephews rather than by family. It's presents to them, and they shouldn't be punished for having siblings.

That seems fair after a fashion, but they are still being punished for having siblings - it's just that all of the cousins are punished. Aside from the fact that, if they are

That chopped off what I wrote?! It was meant to say:

Give a much as you can afford. But I would give the same to all the children - so do you pot and divide them by the nieces and nephews rather than by family. It's presents to them, and they shouldn't be punished for having siblings.

That seems fair after a fashion, but they are still being punished for having siblings - it's just that all of the cousins are punished. Aside from the fact that, if they already believe themselves to be 'entitled', they/their parents might question why they got less - and then that puts the 'blame' on their new baby siblings (who never asked to be born), it can be easier said than done to reduce it accordingly: If there were previously X children altogether, and then another is born, you might end up with a very strange - and obviously down-adjusted - amount if you split the previous budget fairly. "Look, aren't Aunty Sue & Uncle Mike kind - they've put £16.83 in cash in your card!"

It’s not a problem for the family that has an only child but why should 2/3 or even 4 siblings get less spent on them each?

I think all children should receive equal, my DN’s shouldn’t get less each because only one of my IVF cycles was successful.

🙄🙄🙄

On the unpopular Christmas opinions someone replied to my comment about cash being a cop out gift saying that they were annoyed with their PIL because they stopped giving cash and started buying gifts. They used to use it towards the car service and MOT in January and that £££ was part of the budgeting.

I would give the same amount to each dc.

But if the number of dc I was buying for got higher I would spilt the budget equally between them, so would reduce the amount each.

I'm starting to think they're using your cash to pay for their Christmas expenses. Im not sure the chikdren are getting it. If I were you, I'd send each family, a box of chocolates and a game. If finances are limited, then a selection box per child.That is a lovely thoughtful present.

On the unpopular Christmas opinions someone replied to my comment about cash being a cop out gift saying that they were annoyed with their PIL because they stopped giving cash and started buying gifts. They used to use it towards the car service and MOT in January and that £££ was part of the budgeting.

Nothing wrong with an adult doing that, with money that's given to them (for them) if it helps - it's still a much appreciated 'treat', if you're skint, to not have to worry about the cost of your car service. You still shouldn't expect it, though.

It's a completely different matter if you're taking money that was given to/for your children and spending it on your own mundanities (or on your own treats, for that matter).

I'm starting to think they're using your cash to pay for their Christmas expenses. Im not sure the chikdren are getting it.

It is rather looking that way, isn't it? Aside from anything else, if the number of children is rising so rapidly, some of them must still be very young - so it's not like they are going to be upset (or even know) if they get something from Poundland or a bag of chocolate buttons that clearly didn't cost anywhere near £20.

I'm really starting to wonder if the parents just pocket the money - meaning that not only are OP & DH expected to hand over £160, but the (older) children are probably also thinking them mean - and wondering why Auntie Sue & Uncle Mike never give them anything at all, not even a selection box.

At best, I reckon the money is spent on presents for the kids, but they are then given in lieu of the parents buying anything/as much - and, as above, never credited to the actual givers.

It would be interesting to see the reaction if you started giving them personalised presents - with "To Charlotte love from Aunty Sue & Uncle Mike" printed/embroidered on them - things that can't easily be passed off as coming from somebody else or flogged on FB Marketplace.

@lieselotte (the two kids in the two kid family can still get £20 each)

So you would give 2 of your nieces or nephews £20 each plus biscuits, and the rest of your nieces and nephews just biscuits?

That hardly seems fair on the kids and seems like quite an odd way to do Christmas in real life.

If I had 8 children I would tell people not to buy for them at Christmas or just a token gift. Bloody rude saying it's relied upon.

If I had 8 children I would tell people not to buy for them at Christmas or just a token gift.
How odd. I mean it’s normal to say your children don’t need anything but why particularly do you feel children with seven siblings should be more forcefully excluded from gift giving? Are they in your eyes less part of Christmas?

My siblings have between 1 and 3 dc each. I have 2. I give all the nieces and nephews pretty much the same thing/ same budget. I don't know what they give each other's kids. We all love each other and everyone says thank you!

@Pontipinetree what does this family buy for you?

And, @IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble I hope your extended family come to realise you don't get anything and make it up to you in other ways?

Honestly, I think if they’ve decided to have 8 children then they need to accept that this might reduce the amount that others can spend on each child. I’d reduce the amount given to all the children in the family. At the rate they’re going, eventually it’ll be £1 per child but cross that bridge when you come to it.

It boils my piss that people can just have 8 children and then whine that other people aren’t giving them enough money. Personal responsibility, ffs!

But your siblings children and your children do not add up to the 7 plus one on the way children of ONE family the OP is talking about. It's doesn't matter how much she loves them £160 on the children of ONE family is a lot of money to find.

Yes, this is the way I see it too