Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

[Pontipinetree]

Not sure what to do - usually gift nieces and nephews and godchildren some money each Christmas (have always done this per child). However one family is huge and getting bigger ! So where all the others have 2 or 3 children one family has a lot meaning we give £20 per child but it’s manageable when it’s £40 or £60 per family but then one family is getting into the hundreds so we thought this year with things a bit more difficult we would just do £50 for each ‘set’ of children in each family.
It’s got back to us that this isn’t fair that we’ve always done £20 per child and this is relied on especially so this year and I feel guilty.

If you give money do you do it per child or just per family ? It just seems a lot when one family is so big compared to the others ?

AIBU to change things to just a set amount for everyone ?

CF’s!

8 kids, wtf. Is it a blended situation?

Woahhhh. Perhaps £10 each.

They get what you can afford and are happy to give ,they cant demand

I guess it depends on whether you see it as gifts or people.

I think you take your budget and divide by the loved ones (nieces, nephews and godchildren) in your life. You don’t punish some kids for having siblings.

I always give the same per child but everyone apart from me has two children. I can see it could get expensive with loads of children.
The 'relied on' thing is a bit odd, do the children actually get the money?

My parent sends the same amount to each adult child to distribute within our household as we see fit. I think that is fair and works very well since we live in different cities and don’t open presents together.

I have nieces and nephews from assorted families that are of very different sizes. I do adjust my gift budget per child by a bit, though I don’t keep a hard budget per family. It’s more that the side of the family that tends to have smaller families, the kids get bigger gifts. The side of the family that tends to have bigger families, I spend more total on the family, but the amount per child is a bit lower. I make sure all children opening gifts together get similar gifts, but if the families are only related through my marriage, they don’t necessarily have any reason to ever see one another at Christmas.

I agree. I always treat my nieces and nephews the same.

In your plan OP a family with 2 kids, they get £25 each and the one with 7 only get £7 each.

Better for everyone to have £10 each surely?

They are taking the piss. Set equal amount per family and split per child. If it was 2 v 3 child per family i would probably be saying different but 7 (going on 8 children) is frankly ridiculous and they need to get sterilised

Definitely give them all the same amount, even if it's a smaller amount. Surely the kids with 7 siblings gets less the rest of the year than the smaller families do so they would benefit more with say £10 each rather than watch an only child who has the moon on a stick receive £20 while they get £5.

Selection box each and family game or similar

How many children do you have ?

I

I give to each of my nieces/nephews individually the same regardless of who their parents are. If £20 is too much they would all get reduced equally. The gifts are from you to the children, who their parents are is irrelevant.

2

My son got one of these for his birthday. He is 13 and still enjoyed it having his name on.

They are £10 but when I googled to find out the price there is a 20% off code so I assume that would cover delivery if you are buying a couple or more.

There are Santa's and polar bears that can be personalised too.

Something different.

That’s not the OP’s problem to fix though, that’s on their parents.

Well if it’s relied in then they shouldn’t be having an 8th dc.

Give what you can afford and ignore the message from mil.

Wow! A gift is a gift and should be greatly appreciated not replied upon! You give what you feel happy with. Whoever told you they rely on it is taking the piss out of you!

I really think family gifts are the way to go from now on. This is a huge amount of money (to me anyway). I honestly could not afford it. I expect you also give during the year for the many birthdays aswell? Do you have children who receive also from them. I feel because you haven't mentioned them you are the childless couple who are expected to have all the money. Your generosity is not appreciated and a new approach to Christmas needs to be taken I think.

That’s a really good idea ! Thankyou

Yes we do birthdays , It’s funny because everyone else said they totally understood and how it’s been hard for them too etc and it wasn’t a problem except for one family. I do feel guilty but we just can’t stretch to it this year. We always host on boxing day too and that is a lot as well and we can’t do it anymore as everything is so much more expensive

we don’t give the gifts on that day though as obviously that would look unfair if each child gets different we give the money gift in the Christmas card we give a few days before Xmas

Well no, but who would want to compound it? These are children OP loves, not fictional characters and presumely she gains joy from them giving gifts.

That said with £50 for each family the 2 child families are actually getting more so maybe this is why I’ve been criticised.

You're giving money to the children though, not the parents? So give equal money to the children. If it needs to be less per child then so be it.

Are you the person with more than 2 kids though? OP should not have to stretch herself that is not what Xmas is about how terrible.

I would do selection boxes or something OP.