Oh silly little man, bless your heart. What you’ve described is what happens on the main floor. There are very tame main stage dances and main floor one on one dances, however, the aim of these is for us dancers to entice the men to seperate from their cash by having a 1:1 private dance. A private dance is definitely not illegal, is in very close proximity and is very intimate. Maybe some men like you think they’re getting a private dance when they’re just having a 1:1 floor dance so that’s why there’s so many men who claim the clubs are so tame? Not sure, but it would make sense why lots of men downplay the clubs?
I’ll describe what happens in the private dances my colleagues and I did. As I said before, these do vary between clubs. I worked across the country in 5 different clubs and it was exactly the same at all of those clubs. One was Spearmint, so they weren’t dirty seedy backstreet establishments, they were all ‘upmarket’ 🙄 gentlemen’s clubs. I cannot speak on behalf or about other clubs other than those I worked in.
A private dance was where the male (or female or even couple) were taken to a private side room by the dancer, and a bouncer would follow making their presence known. These days the male punters are asked to sit on their hands, they weren’t in my day but were explicitly told not to touch. If the man does touch, the dance will immediately end and the male would be escorted out of the club. Dancer would dance while stripping naked and stimulating sex on the customer’s lap (lap dance). We’d use our intimate body parts to rub up in the face and across the groin of the customer. We would expose everything. I’d estimate 6/10 of the men would have a sneaky lick of boobs and vulva while in their faces, happened so often that I just turned a blind eye to it). The whole idea of the dance was to make the man think he was getting sex because the majority of men think with their dicks and will part way with their money if they think they’re getting sex. Those were the words of one of the bosses I worked for.
Any man who I didn’t find attractive would just get the dance.
Any man who asked for extras would just get the dance. For all we knew, they could have been undercover cops trying to close us down. We were told every single shift to NEVER accept extras. Most men will not ever get extras because the dancer will find him repulsive (no offence, it just is what it is). I’m sure most of the customers found us dancers repulsive too because the comments on our bodies from about 95% of the men were disgusting. That’s largely why (these days, now I’m wise and old!) I’d never want to be associated with any men who visited a club like this because they feel the second they cross the threshold to the club and have paid their fee, they can be critiques of these women. If they think like that in a club then they think like that outside the club too. Most men would also view us as lesser human too because ‘we relied on them for money’. They made their stance known.
Now going back to ‘extras’ that you wanted to know about. Read this remembering I was a twat, and young and stupid. Those two men who I found outrageously attractive and I sensed their mutual attraction did not ask for extras. I gave them of my own free will and they were gratefully received. I gave them more for my benefit than theirs. (I’m not joking when I say these two men on seperate occasions were like Amazonian Gods, just wow!). It was entirely for my benefit because I was the idiot 19 year old who thought she had control over the patriarchy. One was oral sex (redeeming factor was I used a condom) and the other I stimulated sex on his lap until he ejaculated in his lap, while he used his fingers on me. My choice, no extra money. Those were my only two out of about maybe 5000 men? The dancers aren’t stupid, if they want to give extras they will find a loophole or a way to do so.
So yes, while every club may be different, this was the norm for the ones I worked at. In various locations across the UK. The ones in Europe are totally crazy, not a lot is off limits. It’s not the extras part that’s obscene though (well, it is), as probably 99% of punters won’t even get a chance in hell of getting anything extra. It’s just the whole seedy environment that’s wrong. The way a man can be so critical of women’s bodies because he’s paid for access to it. It’s wrong to be so intimate with another human when you’re in a relationship. Visiting a club is not a ‘minor indiscretion’. Forgetting to pick up milk from the supermarket when you said you would is a minor indiscretion. Visiting a club is one thing, but having a private dance is a premeditated and disgusting way to borderline cheat on your significant other. If your wife went to the house three doors down, took the man who lives there into the downstairs toilet, put some music on, did a sexy dance simulating sex in his lap, I’m sure most men would conclude she had cheated, so why is it different and accepted when this happens roles reversed in a club?