YABU
I think this is the difference between the female and the male perspective. I really feel sorry for the OP’s husband and the over reaction here is at best ridiculous.
In 1999 I was in her husbands exact same position, on my stag night the group of guys I was with dragged me to a club after a pub crawl. I was absolutely smashed but they still took me, and they paid a girl to dance for me. There was strictly a no touching rule, this is how it is in these clubs.
I told my wife after about the events of the night and about the situation and she went berserk.
As far as DW was concerned, just like the OP here, this was a major thing, irrespective of the fact that I couldn’t remember half of it. I was just the same as OP’s husband, I was like, if the girls took you to a male strip club, I would not react like this and she was like “yes, but they don’t shove a pussy in your face” she was hell angry
My perception was it was no big thing, I was not cheating on her, I was not having sex with the dancer, frankly I was so smashed I couldn’t even remember half of it, I couldn’t even recall what she looked like, was she blonde, brunette, let alone what a flash of her might have looked like, IDK? it meant absolutely nothing whatsoever to me V DW who had all kinds of images in her head, was over exaggerating things and mind going ten to the dozen imagining all kind of things that were just not reality. Her perception of what a dance is, and my experience in reality were VERY different. These girls are doing two min strip dances on a constant cycle, guy after guy, to clear as much cash as they can in as shortest possible time. Half the guys don’t know what’s hit them its all so quick. Perhaps DW had seen some program of some footballer having some full hands on experience and sex with one, IDK but as I say DWs imagination and my reality were poles apart.
Anyhow, I was reminded of this dam event for probably the first ten years of married life. It got on my nerves frankly whenever it was brought up. Its all very good here the feminists baiting the OP and telling her to dump him etc but he’s probably a dam good guy, loves her and just caught up in a crap situation and unlikely to repeat it.
I can tell you I love my wife unconditionally and I am still married to her, she is my absolute world and I have never done or been in a situation like that since. I am annoyed at the guys that dragged me that club and yes, the lads with your DH could have behaved better, they could have stood by him better and not taken him to an adult club, could of, would have, should have, BUT it happened.
Your DH will learn from this, is unlikely to repeat it and my advice is to move on from it. Just forget the situation, it will mean absolutely nothing to your husband I can tell you. I have been married 24 years this year, two children at university now and it’s been fantastic, I have never done anything like that stag night since. Don’t let your anger of this silly event spoil your future.
Only YOU know what your guy is like, if he was out every night, on tinder or whatever meeting other girls and having affairs or visiting prostitutes sure dump him but he’s not. He ended up in a foolish situation, it happens. You have made your point, so I say give him a hug and tell him not to be so stupid in the future, back your man, be supportive, let it go. Life is far too short.
Good luck to you for your future married life, live. Love and leave a legacy together.