Ex wants NY party in my home

[NYpartypooper]

Me and my ex separated in the summer and he moved out into a house share. I’ve stayed (temporarily) in family home with DC but can’t afford to live here so am in the process of moving out (as soon as I can) but that won’t happen until January. He earns way more than me so can afford to keep on the house. Ex is still paying his share of mortgage and bills (well, he hasn’t this month but that’s the arrangement anyway!).

It’s his 40th on New Year’s eve and he’s asked to have a party in the family home. I have said no because I don’t think it’s appropriate.

My reasoning (in no particular order): It would be me doing all the pre-tidying (DC have a lot of toys!!). He’s got a new bunch of single friends who like to party - I used to partake in all that, but I don’t want it going on in my and DCs house when I’m not there. He’s got a new girlfriend (he doesn’t know that I know) (who incidentally he f%$@ed while he was still living with me), so when I said “I assume I’m not invited” he said “oh, erm, yeah you can come”… so how’s THAT going to work out?! I feel like it’ll be a bunch of strangers (I do know some of them) getting wasted in my house (and where are him and his gf going to sleep, in my bed?!?!) which I’m not comfortable with.

His reasoning: He’s still contributing to the house so he should be able to use it too. His words: I am ‘hogging’ the house.

AIBU to say no to the party?

naivety

Soz! Looking back I've picked the drugs part up from another poster by mistake. The main points still stand though. He doesn't need to have a house party that night.

Yes ,you know ,the real world ,where people dont make up outlandish scenarios based on nothing , about somebody they have never met .

YANBU. It might be his house, but right now it's your home. He can have a party where he is currently living, and where he currently calls home. In the same way you wouldn't let a landlord borrow your rented place back for a party, you are perfectly reasonable to say no to this.

When my ex moved out it would have been a cold day in hell before I would have let him back in to use the loo let alone throw a party for himself here and we had no kids together. Mind you he also never paid the mortgage from before he moved out either and hung around with complete undesirables...

Im not "a he" ,i dont know the guy
But i do know you sound deranged

The lady doth protest too much, methinks 😉

Ah I see, resort to bullying someone who has a different view than you. Classy.

Yes ok my cover is im a fat middleaged female carer for my diaabled child
But you have in fact sussed im a forty year male drug taking party animal ,well done Scooby!

The Nativity is quite cute in a way...but what a tangent.

Anyways, I live in the north east so perhaps it is a location thing, but in my world, at our age, we all have responsibilities and understand that you cannot and should not trash someone's home. Even my single friends can understand that.

Well in another life you can be like op's ex having a mid life breakdown and a misguided wish at best to commiserate turning 40 by having a party in your kids house, when his and their lives as extension has clearly imploded and trashing your kid's house is prob not cool at any age to be fair.

Most decent parents would probably be looking for ways to prioritise their kids wellbeing after skipping off with a new gf and leaving their mother high and dry, but not this loser, he has found a NEW set of party animals and his kids house appears to be the only venue he can think of to get his rocks off. Nice.

It is Shakespeare!

Since when has Shakespeare being a weapon to bully. I have honestly heard it all now 😂

Will there be drugs? As I wouldn't want anything getting anywhere children might touch/lick/find etc.

If just drinks I would maybe let him do it. But he has to full clean up and change the beds.

Well duh.

Are you really that simple? You do realise that by using that quote to try and put someone else down doesn't stop it being bullying.

Just like I could say to you "thou art as fat as butter" after poking fun at your weight. Would that not be bullying?

Or

"Thine face is not worth sunburning" after poking fun at your looks?

Or

"This woman's an easy glove, my lord, she goes off and on at pleasure" instead of calling you a slut.

Yup, can't weaponise shakespeare quotes at all.

My sister had a party in her house for her 50th. Nobody was drunk, nobody took drugs, nobody went upstairs to sleep in the beds. People chatted, had a bit to eat, then went home. Like most normal people once they are over the age of about 21.

The irony ...

Says the person commenting just as much as me on an online forum.
What problem have I dreamed up? The ex taking a load of drugs and trashing kids toys...oh wait...

And we're back to fun=off your tits in your world. You can have a few drinks without being drunk.

We don't have to have a house full of drug addicts and weirdos smashing up barbies and such like for the whole thing to be unpalatable. I rather feel the bar is incredibly, depressingly low on here.

Keep your children in clean homes, where their things are safe ~ not much to ask for in the grand scheme of things given they are already massively compromised by a useless, feckless father. As an absolute bare minimum the children should be prioritised.

The op said he waa a good dad so stop making stories up .

You suspect there may be drugs and that he will bring a new girlfriend into your bed when there was some crossover. That isn't appropriate. He can arrange a night out instead.

Totally this. If you do agree, strip the bed and he can make it up himself he wants to. Don't run around tidying. He can sort it out.

IF you agree.