Ex wants NY party in my home

[NYpartypooper]

Me and my ex separated in the summer and he moved out into a house share. I’ve stayed (temporarily) in family home with DC but can’t afford to live here so am in the process of moving out (as soon as I can) but that won’t happen until January. He earns way more than me so can afford to keep on the house. Ex is still paying his share of mortgage and bills (well, he hasn’t this month but that’s the arrangement anyway!).

It’s his 40th on New Year’s eve and he’s asked to have a party in the family home. I have said no because I don’t think it’s appropriate.

My reasoning (in no particular order): It would be me doing all the pre-tidying (DC have a lot of toys!!). He’s got a new bunch of single friends who like to party - I used to partake in all that, but I don’t want it going on in my and DCs house when I’m not there. He’s got a new girlfriend (he doesn’t know that I know) (who incidentally he f%$@ed while he was still living with me), so when I said “I assume I’m not invited” he said “oh, erm, yeah you can come”… so how’s THAT going to work out?! I feel like it’ll be a bunch of strangers (I do know some of them) getting wasted in my house (and where are him and his gf going to sleep, in my bed?!?!) which I’m not comfortable with.

His reasoning: He’s still contributing to the house so he should be able to use it too. His words: I am ‘hogging’ the house.

AIBU to say no to the party?

Why exactly does it sound like there maybe drugs ,why are posters making lots of dramatic scenarios up with drug and drink fuelled adults rampaging through the house

And you now him do you? 🤣🤣

Obviously I meant know, not now 🙈

And the OP said in her first para that he hadn’t paid this month.

You said that well, a REASONABLE adult.
He sounds like an entitled wanker who has zero consideration for what his ex and his kids are going trough. Also the OP mentions not wanting to stay home in case he decides to let himself in 😉

Im not stating my opnion as fact i dont know the guy
But an awful lot of posters have made up ridiculous situation ,s about drugs and peopld wrecking the house .

But an awful lot of posters have made up ridiculous situation ,s about drugs and peopld wrecking the house .

^^ because that’s such an unrealistic scenario….🤔

Well yeah about a random stranger you have never met.

It may be his house but that doesn't mean that he can hold a party in it before you have moved out.

Stand your ground and say no, invite a couple of friends over to yours on NYE instead of going out.

He can have a moving in party after you have gone

Well you have either been to some spectacularly boring NY parties, but generally speaking people get very very drunk, single men may want to have sex not unreasonably with other single people.
People smoke, take more drugs than many are willing to acknowledge on here, are sick, drop drinks and most parties I have been to at least one glass is dropped and smashed. And I live in middle England!! So no way op! You would be CRAZY to agree to this, say no and put an end to it.

And you want your kids around that the following day? Picking out chunks of vomit out of their doll's hair? Finding shards of glass? It is disgusting.

Seriously.

I wouldn't want to come home to the aftermath of a new years eve party in my house either tbh. I'd just say the house will be a disaster because of upcoming move. I'd probably not pay for mortgage until he's ponied up his half either unless it will effect your new mortgage.

I’m sure the op has her reasons to be concerned. Quite ironic of you to mention that we don’t know because we don’t know the guy but you don’t know either unless you’re the ex. Which wouldn’t surprise me because of how invested you are in defending him.

Is he holding this month’s mortgage payment hostage until you agree to this stupid idea?
Uh, no…
CMS…0

Alternatively have a party yourself, do you have any single friends with kids they can have a sleepover at your place.

I would also not be happy about this!

We are talking about 40 odd year olds not 18 year olds but again you are extrapolating

Ah see I only party with adults in their 30s-40s.

So a party can only be fun if you take drugs and shag? I think you need to reconsider what you think fun means

So now im the new girlfriend 🤣🤣🤣

I had no idea that people stop trashing stuff when being pissed if they approach 40. I also had no idea that it’s only 18 year olds who use drugs and those who are 40 years or older per definition don’t.

Interesting.

😂How do you KNOW how old they are???

In my experience the teenagers are far better behaved. Nothing worse than a bunch of drunken male mid lifers that find themselves washed up and single and having a stab at being young again.

You clearly know nothing about how these things work either. Inevitably people post the party on SM and you end up with a shit load of people that were definitely not invited....

DONT DO IT OP

Firm “No” from me.

It might be his house too but he sounds like an asshole.

How can he be a “good” dad if he can’t even be bothered to pay the mortgage when he agreed to do so and is putting his family in financial difficulty? Solid dude right there!

Also if he can’t even pay the mortgage what makes you think he’s going to clean up after the party in the morning?

Tell him to sow his oats and play the oldest guy at the disco elsewhere.

It's about the details.

If he wanted to invite some friends round, who were well known to you, for some drinks, takeaway/ pre made food, music and a catch up, perhaps on to a club after, that type of party, that might be one thing. These sorts of friends would understand the lie of the land and respect your space and children's belongings so you wouldn't have to do a massive tidy up. It could maybe be a nice gesture to let him do so, since he is in a shared house, on the proviso that a thorough cleanup is done and bedrooms are out of bounds.

But it's not that. He wants to invite a load of party animals you don't know for a big sesh. You suspect there may be drugs and that he will bring a new girlfriend into your bed when there was some crossover. That isn't appropriate. He can arrange a night out instead.

Just let him know that yes, it's his birthday and partly his house but you don't want people you don't really know coming for a big party in your children's space. If he's moving in then he can have as many parties as he likes but that is your decision. It's not about you wanting to use the house on the night, simply about the security and safety of the house. Nothing personal to his new friends but you don't know them. Added to which, you would need to put in quite a lot of work beforehand that he doesn't seem to have factored in. Suggest that he has a night out and postpones the party until he moves in.

Did you not ?
You see in my world people 40 + dont tend to want to go out trashing things etc because they have grown up and grown ouf of all that ,some 18 year olds wont either but from my own personal ecperience of being 18 once it was more likely to happen as many couldnt handle the booze

Consider how many NY options he has besides trashing the house you are living in with young children, I would say he is deliberately trying to upset you and stir things up.

Say no, and don't engage with him again.