Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

[Katelyn88]

before people pounce on me:
I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances.

Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ?

It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

The ageing process is unpredictable. You can be well and living independently then a stroke, heart attack, fall or sudden illness can incapacitate you. So it’s wise to have someone in your life who can advocate for you if the need arises. It doesn’t have to be your child.

On the other hand I am assisting with arranging my mum’s future care and she has fallen into the pattern of just responding ’you’ll have to ask my daughter’ to every minor query. It’s like she’s given up and just placed her life in my/our hands. She has a number of childless friends, many of whom are older than her (in their 90s) and they are a lot more independent and engaged than she is. It’s partly a personality thing but if she didn’t have kids she’d be forced to maximise her own abilities. Definitely food for thought for me as I age.

I hope that you will make a statement covered all emergency situations that might mean you are unable to sort out your own care. You can place this with a solicitor who will notify your adult next of kin if you are unable to make your own care decisions. Also arrange for a power of attorney so that your next of kin can access the finance to pay for your care needs. If you truly don’t want your next of kin, adult children and other family members to be troubled at all by your care then you can work through how to tackle this legally so that your wishes are known and your finance can be safely accessed (payment of bills, house costs, personal needs in care such as clothing, wash items, a person you pay to look after your non medical needs.) You can get this in place asap so that your wishes are known and no one in your family will be troubled.

You've said you wanted people's opinions but then proceed to vehemently argue against them.

I'll arrange comfortable care for myself with all the money I've saved through not having kids.

Seriously though, I'll make reasonable provisions for the unknown but ultimately cross that bridge when I get to it, like anything else in life.

Here in Jersey assisted dying could very well be possible in the next few years. If that comes to pass then I wouldn't hesitate if my health were to deteriorate to a degree that made it a reasonable possibility.

So what exactly have you/will you do to avoid it? How will you make sure yiu get the care you're (presumably) paying for. How will you make sure you get passable care in hospital?

As I said earlier. Trying to keep on top of this stiff for DH was practically.a FT job. The treatment I saw him and other getting was almost more traumatic than losing him.

I'd love to known if there's an answer I'm missing because it feels.hopeless atm.

They way things are going I'll work until i drop down dead.

They'll probably devise a system where they monitor your finances/capacity and send you out a pill to take when you're unable to look after yourself and can't pay for care to help you shuffle off this mortal coil

I have a kid and another on the way but I do NOT want them to care for me in my old age. I will refuse even if they want to. No way Jose. I will be moving into a city centre small flat when I’m 60, and when I can no longer manage that I will sell it and go into a care home. If they want to visit me that will be lovely.

So many elderly people can’t plan their own care. By the time it’s realised that care is needed, the person is way too far gone mentally to arrange anything.
Any earlier and the elderly person doesn’t think they need care when really they do.
I would imagine the amount of people saying ‘oh, I’m not capable of taking care of myself in my own home now. I will phone around nursing homes and pop myself in one’ is pretty few and far between.
As for all those saying ‘well I hope there is a magic pill I can take’ no. There won’t be. There won’t be dignatas either and although you may be lucky and die peacefully in your sleep before any reall I’ll health problems properly set in, that’s unlikely too.
Most likely you won’t realise you need care and it will fall to someone else to make the care arrangements for you. If you have no children then neices / nephews , younger cousins or family members. Or children of friends. Or the state.

I don't think anyone's saying they're financial resources, but they will need to do lots of practical things to ensure you're safe and cared for, even if you pay for it all yourself. I'd love to think "the system" woukd work without them, but sadly that's not my experience and I don't know what I need to put in place to protect myself/my children from it.

It's not even necessarily in old age, DH needed this sort of care at 53.

Lay down in a ditch until I die. Then the buzzards overhead can have at me!

Whatever plans anyone has for old age cannot be certain to come about. That’s true whether you have children or not. Hopefully our relatives will help us if it is necessary. After all, they will inherit all the money we didn’t spend on children😊

Do any people on here actually have any very elderly relatives?
There can be a hundred reasons why you won’t be able to arrange your own care. So many elderly people have huge personality changes in later life, or get confused and muddle things up. Or refuse any help even though they desperately need someone to come in and help!

Yes which is why I said what I did. I will select my own care home while I still have my faculties and the moment anyone notices anything suspect I will admit myself.

What an odd post 🤔 Who has kids with that in mind?? I had mine for spare organs 🤭

All any of us can do either if we are child free or have children is prepare for the worst and hope for the best, non of us can predict the future.

So... Do people like make their own carers? Do they go "hey, let's get pregnant, time to make some future carers for ourselves"
Because if not, then they also didn't plan for old age care.

Going by how it's moving and caring personally for , or even just supporting, parents is becoming unaffordable because people need to work ft usually to afford living, we will all end up equally fucked. Kids or no kids.

It's not that hard to select a nursing home and set up a standing order.

There's some major denial going on in this thread. Aging is a slow process, a continuum that you don't really notice. And you are very likely not to be the same feisty decisive clear thinking person at 80 as you are at 40. You are very likely to become timorous, hesitant.

That made me chukle a bit.

Seriously, why these kind of questions are not stealth boasting, when an op stating their salary and asking others theirs is?

Some posters might be childfree not by choice.

If you need a nursing home, you are incapable of choosing one and setting up a standing order. The majority of residents have dementia.

That's not what OP is asking though. Who's going to hold the care home to account, for example?

Plus when you're young 60 seems forever away and properly old. I know women I theirn70s and 80s who are still maintaining a large house and garden (which they wouldn't give up for the world) and running marathons and others who've needed full time care in their 50s. You can't possibly say now what you'll want then. (Just.like you have no idea what kind of parent you'll be before you have children!).

The same with the dignitas idea. IME the reality is that people hold onto life. No-one want to die while they're capable of living. The high profile cases have been relatively young people with slow degenerative disease that doesn't affect their mental faculties. Not people slowly dying of old age/dementia.

But what if you don’t believe you need the care home yet but in reality you do!? My MIL felt perfectly normal. Couldn’t understand why she would need any help what so ever. Adamant she wasn’t going to let anyone assist her and would argue she was fine and got so cross. In reality she had advanced dementia and was going for a number 2 and shoving it in cupboards and taking her dress of in the lounge and standing stark naked.
5 mins later she couldn’t remember a thing about it.
If someone was to say to you right now- you are not capable of living independently. There are problems and you need to go to a care home. What would you say? Ok then. Right oh off I pop. Many people with dementia feel just like you do right now! Totally fine!

😄😄😄

Who will make sure you are getting good quality care and not neglected in a care home? also who will pay care home fees and manage finances? Don’t say “me!” I’m obviously talking about when you can’t do things on your own anymore.

No because that the easy bit. Getting the care home to call a doctor when needed, getting the hospital to give proper care if admitted, avoiding shockingly common abuse in the care home etc etc.....all needs someone advocating regularly and hard.