Page 21 | Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

Katelyn88 · 2022-11-21T20:49:09+00:00

before people pounce on me: I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances. Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ? It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

Coffeepot72 · 30/11/2022 10:54

This is a subject I often think about, then because I've no answers, I push it to the back of my mind ....

Soothsayer1 · 30/11/2022 12:22

In the old days caring for an elderly parent meant a couple of years of helping them with their shopping while you were in your 40s, then they died.
These days caring for an elderly parent means decades of 24/7 hands-on care starting when you're in your 60s, I'm not doing that, I'm going to spend my golden years relaxing and going on holidays just like my parents did.

Blossomtoes · 30/11/2022 15:01

Soothsayer1 · 30/11/2022 12:22

In the old days caring for an elderly parent meant a couple of years of helping them with their shopping while you were in your 40s, then they died.
These days caring for an elderly parent means decades of 24/7 hands-on care starting when you're in your 60s, I'm not doing that, I'm going to spend my golden years relaxing and going on holidays just like my parents did.

No, it didn’t. My aunts and my mum were looking after my granny who had dementia until the eldest of them was 73, my mum was the youngest and she was 61 when her mum died. I did everything apart from personal care for the last 18 months and I was 62 when my mum died. I was long past my “golden years” at that point.

antelopevalley · 30/11/2022 16:37

Soothsayer1 · 30/11/2022 12:22

In the old days caring for an elderly parent meant a couple of years of helping them with their shopping while you were in your 40s, then they died.
These days caring for an elderly parent means decades of 24/7 hands-on care starting when you're in your 60s, I'm not doing that, I'm going to spend my golden years relaxing and going on holidays just like my parents did.

Not true. My mother in law cared for her elderly parents for years. They died about 40 years ago.

antelopevalley · 30/11/2022 16:40

And my gran who was born in 1906 cared for her mother into her seventies - her mother died in her nineties of dementia.
There are a lot of myths around. The difference was my gran left work and lived on her husband's wage. They were in a rented council house and were fine financially, so it was financially possible. I could not do that now. I need to work financially for my family, but am about the same age as when my gran left work.

Grantanow · 01/12/2022 13:55

We have no surviving children so it's down to self help or our youngest in-law with PoA. Both our mothers expected us to look after their old age needs which we did but they took no thought for ours. The Tories should sort out social care. They should also make voluntary suicide legal otherwise it's a trip to Switzerland at some legal risk to helpers.

Passthecheeseboard · 01/12/2022 14:52

I’m hoping I will still have my faculties and will be able to look after myself and be independent🤞🏻… I did jokingly say to my niece and nephew “so who’s looking after me when I’m old” and they were fighting over who was going to look after me which was cute 🤣 … I’m sure they would change their mind if I had dementia and was peeing everywhere and smearing poop on the walls or became violent. To be fair I wouldn’t actually expect them to look after me, and if I had a dementia diagnosis I would probably unalive myself before I got to that stage.

I work in a care home and the thing I’m going to say is you would be surprised how many elderly people never see their children, and who’s children don’t replenish toiletries or clothing when needed. The amount of residents who have to wear lost property knickers because they don’t have their own is really sad…

antelopevalley · 01/12/2022 15:12

I have two DCs but both have a life-limiting disability as does my DH (undiagnosed before we married and had kids). So I have had children, but will probably end up alone when elderly. I have zero idea what I will do. I am simply living my life as best I can in the here and now.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/12/2022 18:27

Changeyncchange · 23/11/2022 16:25
MrsSkylerWhite

not being willing to provide care for an elderly parent doesn’t make someone an arsehole.

“I disagree but it's likely we have different definitions of support. I mean anything from moving in with a parent and delivering hands on care to supporting them to arrange private care and an online shop etc. I suspect you are just thinking of the former example”

Yes you’re right, actually. I wouldn’t see that sort of assistance as “care”, though. Rather just admin. I do think there is way too much expectation on, usually middle-aged (or sometimes even elderly themselves) women to sacrifice their happiness/prospects/own health to provide physical care for parents.