Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

[Katelyn88]

before people pounce on me:
I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances.

Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ?

It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

We have a range of older people in our families who all desperately need extra care but are refusing help because they want their independence.

It seems to be one of those things where people think that they can cope but can't. We don't have kids but that means we won't be in the awkward position of fending off "help", we'll be forced to make proper arrangements.

It's heartbreaking actually, watching people decline & lose their previously high standards.

I’d like to live in a retirement community

😂

My aunt never married or had children. My mum (her SIL) and I arranged a care home for her and dealt with all her legal affairs by means of a power of attorney.

There is no guarantee your children will deal with things for you when you no longer can. You only need to look at some of the threads on here to see that.

If I'm not still caring for my sister who has LDs and other complex needs and I start to develop a health issue which will stop me getting anything out of life I plan to take my own life or arrange euthanasia (I'm hoping in another 30 years there will be some UK options) I have lived my life with a chronic illness which has been shit enough..i have no desire to continue on unnecessarily.

Jeez, this thread is depressing.

Hoping by the time I reach old age in 40 years (could be 60!) the Switzerland option will be more widely available

OK. So I'm going to organise all my affairs myself.

How?

What exactly do I need to do/can I do now (in my 50s)? I just can't see what I can do to avoid being abused in a care home, for example. I can pay for care, but what control can I have over what that care is like?

I actually hate these threads. I'm childless not by choice. It makes me feel even more shit than usual.

Many of us "plan" on dying before we achieve old age. I look at my genetics and have a feeling it won't be a problem... But if I do start getting up in years, I'll just do the best I can. As many have pointed out, having children is no guarantee that you'll have someone left alive and willing to keep an eye on you in your dotage. Some young parents on MN are likely being overly complacent over their own final years.

Another example. When DH was in hospital, a man in the bed opposite had no use of his hands. He couldn't get himself a drink, so he didn't have a drink unless someone else's visitor helped him . How could he have planned to avoid that?

Both my children have a progressive genetic disability - did not know this until they were both born. I will be caring for them. So having children did nor create an insurance policy for me.

@Blanketenvy I feel precisely the same!!!

Right?!

Don’t worry, lovely concerned parents who are just so terribly worried about us childless women in our old age (and definitely not being goady at all, oh no). We’ll pay people to look after us with all the money we saved from not having kids 😁

I don’t have an answer to this, but I do think it’s naive to be so sure you’ll have it all sorted by yourself before the time comes. My mum who always used to say “Just put me in a home” then changed it to “I’m not going to go into a home”. Time has a habit on creeping up on all of us and what seems obvious now - decisions about Dignitas, advanced planning, etc, have a tendency to slide when they become an actual reality. (In fact, on second thoughts, Time doesn’t creep - it races.)

What a ridiculous post. Most people do not think like this! Anyway, having children does not guarantee anything. My mum worked as a carer and there were so many elderly people she cared for whose adult kids didn't give a shit about them.

Same for my parents. They had 3 kids, one lives on the other side of the world, one has severe LDs and they are still caring for them into their 70s and I have a chronic illness so whilst I try am very limited.

Dignitas, unless I fall on hard times, in which case it's InDignitas all the way down...

I come from a notoriously long-lived family (especially the women), where people have a tendency to be doing the Times cryptic crossword and running up hills in their 80s on a Tuesday before pegging it on the Wednesday.

I very much hope that's my future.

If not, I will continue to regularly update my will (as I have done since I was in my early 30s) and will ultimately take myself off to Switzerland, assuming the law doesn't change in this country in the next 30 years or so.

My aunt never had children- my cousin (one of her other nieces) has had to arrange all her care, deal with the hospital recently etc.
My sister and I also have power of authority of her health but tbh I have two young kids and work full time. I see her and check on her. Would I do my for my own mum (if she was alive), yes!
if my aunt didn’t have her nieces she would be screwed!

No one wants to depend on kids! It’s strange how many of you think it’s in your control!! It’s not!

And in many cases deterioration is rapid. In a few years, things change a lot.

Did someone say dignitas? It’s not like you book a flight and just go there! There is huge legal and administrative process to complete. Who will assist with that!? What if you are not mobile or have dementia?

I’m 67 now. I have no children but it certainly wasn’t my choice.

My only living relative is my 96 year old Aunt in Australia.

There’s DH of course but I have a few concerns about his health lately.

I expect I shall just get along for as long as I can and then end up being one of those people who dies at home and nobody notices. At least I won’t be the burden that my Mother was to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Blanketenvy exactly I’m childless because I didn’t find a partner in life. Nothing worse than smug married people reminding you.

Exactly! You need someone to do the admin work

And people say child free people are selfish?!

Most people don't think about what you're actually saying OP. Basically, those without family (not just children) are incredibly vulnerable and completely dependent on: someone else's relative in a care home witnessing then reporting your poor care; one care worker reporting the other if you have a live in carer; a social worker being alerted to and following safeguarding processes; CQC inspection etc. If there's no one to visit you there's no one to notice you're being neglected.

As you've said, it's about providing the care, it's about ensuring it is of a decent standard and taking action if not.