DD's dad wants me to give up pork!

[GrassIsGreener7]

The father of my child does not eat pork for his own personal reasons. I have always eaten pork and at the beginning of our relationship, made it clear I would still do so. I got pregnant and for various reasons we separated. Throughout my pregnancy, he started demanding I didn't eat pork as he didn't want his child to "eat" pork. I told him I can eat whatever I want and it caused many arguments.

The baby is now a few months old and I exclusively breastfeed her. I have still carried on eating pork and DD's dad is furious about this saying I am going against his wishes about what food he wants his child to consume. I think he is being completely ridiculous and so does my family but wanted some unbiased opinions about who is being unreasonable here?!

I've edited my last post for clarification:

I don't like pork, so don't eat it. I can see his point of view. He can demand you can say no, and he can feel ikky about it. Only you get to choose what to put into your body. If you respected him, you'd probably refrain from eating pork while breast feeding, and would agree not to give pork to your child, but for whatever reason that respect isnt there.

He can demand and you are quite entitled to carry on doing your thing. He'll have to deal with it* or not as seems to be the case*

Young children need a balanced diet. But once she is 16 plus its her life choice if she decides not to eat meat.

Does he realise that the bacon on his burger came from a pig just the same as pork?

It's not a compromise because the ex hasn't made any concessions. That would just be her being a pushover.

Maybe she could agree to stop eating pork on the agreement that he eats pork to balance her reduced pork intake. That would be a compromise.

Do you eat pork @Darker?

That isn't a compromise, and there aren't many bigger things to worry about than the OPs co parent being a demanding hypocrite who thinks he's entitled to berate her for eating something he disapproves of. This is absolutely the hill to die on.

If the OP wants to be a dog in the manger it’s up to her. It just doesn’t seem like a particularly big deal to me and it’s an an easy win if she wants to establish a good cooperative co- parenting relationship.

He’s a bully. Be careful how much you let him into your child’s life.

Giving in to unreasonable demands not only isn't an easy win, but it incentivises further controlling behaviour from OPs ex. This is a boundary that needs to be asserted now.

What would I do?.

To be honest pork is not that important to me, but if he is so pious about it I would use it as a bargaining chip. I don’t eat pork if I get my own way in everything else, nothing unreasonable you understand just no hassle about
maintenence , custody, etc

So -he is very keen to apply religious-rules (on eating) to you and his daughter...

but not been nearly as strict in applying religious-rules (on sexual behaviour) to himself.

This sounds like a story as old as time!

Everyone needs a balanced diet, but no one needs to eat meat. Children a lot younger than 16 can choose not to eat meat.

It always amuses me how the men who are super strict about religious rules on diet and women’s behaviour are always happy to breach the rules of that religion on pre-marital sex…

Wasn’t so strict about religion when it suited him eh was he.

There can be no co-operative co-parenting relationship with anyone who believes they can dictate how an EX chooses to live their life - no matter how minor it seems. He knows she eats pork and chose to get her pregnant knowing she wasn't giving it up. Clearly because he's controlling enough to think he'd manipulate her into quitting once a baby arrived.

I would keeping my distance from him as much as possible and be careful how much influence he has over your daughter. Controlling men make controlling/authoritarian fathers and the last thing you want is for her to grow up thinking his behaviour is acceptable. If he has such strong views on diet, you should check what else he has strong views on that will adversely affect your her.

It's better to deal with bullies by asserting yourself otherwise they'll continue to take advantage.

Refusing to change her diet for his religion sets a precedent that he can't control her and that she's not subservient to him.

Either you are against eating pork too, or you are only used to dealing with nice respectful people.

OP was eating the burger. Not him.

Yes it is for religious reasons

There's nothing saying that it's wrong for a child to (well, they probably don't really anyway) 'absorb' pork through their mother's milk or something.

And you can eat what you want and decide what your DD eats at yours. This no reason why his wishes should trump yours.

My answer would be the same whether he was Muslim, Jewish, militant vegan or anything else BTW.

He sounds awful.

why don't you RTFT?

What are you on about? I've got a newborn baby, do you really think I have time to sit here conjuring up stories for Mumsnet? As I mentioned before, I have been bought up in a religious household myself and although I may not follow all the practices, it is still something that is important to me. I would never make a post to "whip up racial/religious prejudice" Where did you even get that from? I think the one talking bollocks is you.

My ex and I were together for years, so of course he saw what I was eating. We also have a newborn baby and he had paternity leave so was around very often. What do you want me to do, never eat around him again?

You tell him to take you to court.
Tell him that he can make the papers if he wants to become a laughing stock.
Also tell him that while you will be co parenting he has NO rights to try to control your actions and it is about time he accepts that.

LynetteScavo Everyone needs a balanced diet, but no one needs to eat meat. Children a lot younger than 16 can choose not to eat meat.

Maybe so, But as a child she needs to make sure she gets the right nutrients, and if she lives in a family of meat eaters on a budget.

Me too. I’m wondering if they do it as a fragrance.

As soon as he is carrying and feeding the child, he can decide

As a non pork eater myself, I do find it odd that he was happy to make a baby with someone who eats pork. I won't get near enough to DH to be able to make a baby if he's been eating pork, because he smells porky.

This isn't about the pork though. If it wasn't the pork, it would be something else.

Just to clear this up, (as I've seen pp's mentioning it) the religion is not Islam.