Page 8 | DD's dad wants me to give up pork!

GrassIsGreener7 · 2022-11-21T15:32:37+00:00

The father of my child does not eat pork for his own personal reasons. I have always eaten pork and at the beginning of our relationship, made it clear I would still do so. I got pregnant and for various reasons we separated. Throughout my pregnancy, he started demanding I didn't eat pork as he didn't want his child to "eat" pork. I told him I can eat whatever I want and it caused many arguments. The baby is now a few months old and I exclusively breastfeed her. I have still carried on eating pork and DD's dad is furious about this saying I am going against his wishes about what food he wants his child to consume. I think he is being completely ridiculous and so does my family but wanted some unbiased opinions about who is being unreasonable here?!

Stravaig · 21/11/2022 19:24

This is the sort of thing you sort out before you choose to have a child together.

You should not have had a child with someone who eschews pork if eating it is so important to you; he should not have had a child with a pork eater if abstaining is so important to him. Or was it an accidental or even 'accidental' pregnancy?

Both parents have a say in religious and ethical beliefs, so now you both have to compromise.

Nottodaysausage · 21/11/2022 19:24

Redebs · 21/11/2022 19:10

Exactly this.
Prejudices are showing a bit. If OP said they were Jewish, Ethiopian Christian or another pig-avoiding faith, then there would be fewer 'rub it in his face and mind he doesn't kidnap the baby' type comments.

Show quote history

I'm not prejudiced at all, and didn't mention Muslims so I hope this comment wasn't aimed at me.
I work extensively within child protection and more recently with the red cross so I take controlling, religious, contrary men very seriously indeed.

Meklk · 21/11/2022 19:25

It's so sad that women can be manipulated in so many ways, even food! Why you should stop eating things you like???? I would cook a lovely pork pie for him next time. He can go and fuck off with his religion.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 21/11/2022 19:26

Reminds me of -

We don't eat pigs
You don't eat pigs
It seems it's been that way forever
So if you don't eat pigs
And we don't eat pigs
Why not, not eat pigs together?

Eat as much pork as you like OP, and I say that as a very unsanctimonious vegan.

Meklk · 21/11/2022 19:27

catandcoffee · 21/11/2022 18:45

Religion should be banned. Causes nothing but trouble.

All kids should be religion free until their 16-18 years old.

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 21/11/2022 19:31

If he didn't want his child eating pork maybe he should have kept his sperm out of the vagina of someone who does.

😂

I know someone like this, it is the mother - she has extreme control issues, and tries to keep the daughter from eating bacon by calling her school and checking, loudly telling her not to order certain things out at dinner. She of course reacted by not identifying at all with that religion due to the pressure and eats whatever she likes...So I guess women who are so averse to pork should refrain from pork infested sperm.

Meklk · 21/11/2022 19:32

Kikikik · 21/11/2022 17:35

Did you ever say he was a bad pork and now he has PTSD about pork?

Ha ha ha!!!! This!

ShandaLear · 21/11/2022 19:32

Redebs · 21/11/2022 16:37

This is the kind of issue you usually get sorted well before it gets to this point.
I avoid pig for religious reasons and would be nauseated if it was in my house, let alone having someone feed it to my children.
The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.
It's not a massive issue for you, but is for him.
Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children. You could eat it when he's not around and wash your face before kissing him, if that's what you still do.
Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

He was perfectly happy to have sex with a pork eater so he can’t have been that bothered about it. This is about exerting control, not about someone having the odd bacon sandwich.

LynetteScavo · 21/11/2022 19:35

I don't like pork, so don't eat it. I can see his point of view. He can ask, you can say no, and he can feel ikky about it. Only you get to choose what to put into your body. If you respected him, you'd probably refrain from eating pork while breast feeding, and would agree not to give pork to your child, but for whatever reason that respect is there.

It's fine for him to ask you, and you are quite entitled to carry on doing your thing. He'll have to deal with it.

FallingsHowIFeel · 21/11/2022 19:36

It’s a shame this wasn’t thoroughly discussed before the pregnancy.

I’m vegan, my partner ate meat/dairy/eggs when we met. We discussed this and then again before deciding to have children as to how we would raise them. If we couldn’t have agreed, I wouldn’t have had his kids.

However, as you have split up and didn’t seem to have made any agreement, I don’t think he has any right to even discuss this with you. And even if you had previously agreed, now being split up, would mean that you can do what you like. He can choose how to feed her in future when he’s has her, until she’s old enough to decide what she wants.

It’s probably more about controlling you rather than food. If he was that concerned, he wouldn’t have been with you in the first place.

SirMingeALot · 21/11/2022 19:36

Redebs · 21/11/2022 19:10

Exactly this.
Prejudices are showing a bit. If OP said they were Jewish, Ethiopian Christian or another pig-avoiding faith, then there would be fewer 'rub it in his face and mind he doesn't kidnap the baby' type comments.

Show quote history

I think the taking her away comment wouldn't have happened with anything other than a Muslim. However, there isn't a cat in hell's chance that any flavour of controlling male religious hypocrite telling a breastfeeding mother what to eat would ever be met by anything other than a wall of shove it in his face on here.

SirMingeALot · 21/11/2022 19:38

LynetteScavo · 21/11/2022 19:35

I don't like pork, so don't eat it. I can see his point of view. He can ask, you can say no, and he can feel ikky about it. Only you get to choose what to put into your body. If you respected him, you'd probably refrain from eating pork while breast feeding, and would agree not to give pork to your child, but for whatever reason that respect is there.

It's fine for him to ask you, and you are quite entitled to carry on doing your thing. He'll have to deal with it.

Where are you getting this 'ask' from? The OP says he demanded it, he argued with her when she refused and he's furious about her not doing what he wants.

teraculum29 · 21/11/2022 19:38

To be honest, if someone was constantly on about not eating pork, the more I would eat it

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 21/11/2022 19:40

@Redebs Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children.

It is her house, she can do whatever she likes. Why should she compromise? The law would say, she can feed her dc what she likes, in her own house, and he can do the same when the child is visiting in his own house. One party cannot prevent the other party from exercising their cultural rights in their own domain.

Lilgamesh2 · 21/11/2022 19:40

LynetteScavo · 21/11/2022 19:35

I don't like pork, so don't eat it. I can see his point of view. He can ask, you can say no, and he can feel ikky about it. Only you get to choose what to put into your body. If you respected him, you'd probably refrain from eating pork while breast feeding, and would agree not to give pork to your child, but for whatever reason that respect is there.

It's fine for him to ask you, and you are quite entitled to carry on doing your thing. He'll have to deal with it.

If he respected her, he wouldn't have asked her to prioritize his beliefs over her own.

Ans what about her own self respect? Why should she respect her own wishes less than his?

Gwenhwyfar · 21/11/2022 19:41

PinkyU · 21/11/2022 15:36

He needs to understand what breastmilk is, it’s a derivative of (your) blood products it’s not impacted by the type of foods you eat.

Then why do nursing mothers have to stop eating foods their babies are allergic to?

FallingsHowIFeel · 21/11/2022 19:42

Also, if you had agreed to not give pork you your child once weened and then went back on that, I would personally think you were wrong. But this is very different as it’s what you’re eating that he’s trying to exert control over.

FallingsHowIFeel · 21/11/2022 19:44

weaned

username8888 · 21/11/2022 19:45

He's your ex and doesn't live with you. Just say I don't eat pork. I couldn't stand all the drama. Then just carry on as before

LynetteScavo · 21/11/2022 19:47

If he respected her, he wouldn't have asked her to prioritize his beliefs over her own. I disagree with this, but I suspect there is not a lot of respect between these two people!

Ans what about her own self respect? Why should she respect her own wishes less than his? She shouldn't, but in a relationship (which they're not) people do tend to carefully consider the others wishes.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/11/2022 19:49

You were clear from the start, before you were pregnant, that you would be eating pork. If it was such a deal breaker for him, there's no way he should have got you pregnant.

Staryflight445 · 21/11/2022 19:51

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/11/2022 15:35

I would worry that this man is going to be controlling in other ways too

This!

LynetteScavo · 21/11/2022 19:52

Where are you getting this 'ask' from? The OP says he demanded it, he argued with her when she refused and he's furious about her not doing what he wants.

The OP actually said it caused many arguments.

Lilgamesh2 · 21/11/2022 19:54

"Exactly this.
Prejudices are showing a bit. If OP said they were Jewish, Ethiopian Christian or another pig-avoiding faith, then there would be fewer 'rub it in his face and mind he doesn't kidnap the baby' type comments"

@Redebs haha I guess there's always someone who wants to cry islamophobia. The ex is a knob, that's the issue here. He's not going to get a pass because he's got a religion.

P.S. Jews experience prejudice.

P.P.S there was a thread about French Catholic PIL taking baptism gifts from the baby. Lots of comments about not letting the DH and his parents kidnap the baby there too.

Darker · 21/11/2022 19:55

Personally, I would let it go. There are bigger things to worry about, and you’ll be eating what you like after you have weaned your daughter. It shows you can compromise.