DD's dad wants me to give up pork!

[GrassIsGreener7]

The father of my child does not eat pork for his own personal reasons. I have always eaten pork and at the beginning of our relationship, made it clear I would still do so. I got pregnant and for various reasons we separated. Throughout my pregnancy, he started demanding I didn't eat pork as he didn't want his child to "eat" pork. I told him I can eat whatever I want and it caused many arguments.

The baby is now a few months old and I exclusively breastfeed her. I have still carried on eating pork and DD's dad is furious about this saying I am going against his wishes about what food he wants his child to consume. I think he is being completely ridiculous and so does my family but wanted some unbiased opinions about who is being unreasonable here?!

It’ll show she’s a good little girl who will do what the big man demands.

I assumed/guessed he was Jewish. It really doesn't make any difference what religion he is though.

It’ll show she’s a good little girl who will do what the big man demands.

That's your take.

Alternatively, play the longer game and pick your battles. Religion can be very emotive in families...

If you emulate the immoveable object you risk provoking the unstoppable force.

The OP asserting a boundary about what she gets to eat is picking her battles.

I’m surprised at the amount of people telling OP to compromise etc as though she’ll be doing herself a favour by backing down and being on a restricted diet for no reason. She can eat what she likes and so can her dc under her care. The double standards of some religious men are sickening and they will only stop being so entitled when more women say NO. Compromise works both ways and the ex needs to bloody learn that rather than trying to control what OP eats. Give an inch he’ll take a mile in the name of whatever his religion is. I’m sure women do it too but men are on a different level.

Oh and i really don’t think he cares all that much about his religion, it’s more him trying to justify his current way of control over the OP so op feels guilty and gives in. Didn’t bother him before so he can stfu.

A lot of projecting going on there…

Have bacon for breakfast, sausages for lunch and chops for dinner. None of his business and if he imposes these beliefs on the child they will probably resent the culture too.

Bacon will always win over your child sooner or later @GrassIsGreener7 .

It smells and tastes notoriously delicious, so much so that it was the downfall of many a vegan (including me.)

Is your child going to be a certain faith?
I do understand where you are coming from but if you are both a certain faith I can see why it might be important to him.
I was never given meat on Good Friday. It's something I have continued with my own children. Now they are older they know my views but it's their decision. But when I had the choice as to what I cooked they didn't eat meat.
In fact I still only fish on a Friday.

But they're not OP's family, are they? She's no longer with the baby's daddy, as she says in her first post, and I don't get the impression they were ever married so his family and siblings are nothing to her.

I don't say this lightly but I really think this is one of those rare occasions when 'fuck off' probably says everything you need to say @GrassIsGreener7

Are you OP’s ex?

I don’t even eat pork but it’s really easy to see who is being unreasonable here. It’s textbook controlling behaviour by a man using religion when said religious practices didn’t bother him when he was actually with the op. It’s odd you can’t (won’t) see that. I can only think you don’t eat pork yourself and think your view is the one people should follow regardless of how ridiculous it is to demand someone follow your practices just because you said so in the name of ‘compromise’ and other bullshit buzzwords to put women back in their place.

You just tell him you're the mother, you make the decisions. Not him. Also, if you are the main parent, you make the decisions, not him. It's not his place to tell you how to eat or raise your child and you need to make sure he knows it.

I'd be tempted to eat pork in front of him very slowly.

I hate being bossed around though, so that is just me 🌭

Bossy people make me 😡

Putting aside the childish responses of 'if he asks me not to do it, I'll do it even more, just because', type reasoning, you need to bear in mind that both parents are raised Jewish and OP sure does know what a Big Thing this is.

Lots of people change when they become responsible for the next generation: some stop antisocial behaviour or drugs; others rediscover their faith. Life suddenly gets serious.

You also need to also bear in mind that the Jewish faith and Jewish identity are closely connected. Whether or not someone follows some of the 'rules' has a big symbolic effect on how much of a Jew they are. In Judaism, the 'race' gets passed down on the female line from mother to daughter. Men are supposed to support this in the family through practical and other measures.

OP is looking for moral support in her decision to resist cultural pressures towards keeping kosher. That's fine; it's what social media does best. But without an understanding of the cultural background of this couple, it becomes a completely different story of 'controlling man and brave abused woman' which it may, or may not be.

I don't think he is Jewish. I'm from Jewish background and believe me, he would NEVER make her pregnant without marriage if he would be so strict with religion. That would be an end of the world for him. Also, he would ask her to be kosher too.

Not true. My 'uncle' is Jewish and won't touch pork but had 3 kids with my aunt without being married to her back in the 70s and happily still attends our family get togethers.

Sorry if I've misunderstood your point though.

If it's for religious reasons I can understand his point of view however you told him from the start you wasn't going to stop eating pork and made it clear. The fact he continued the relationship knowing this and then having a child with you I don't think he really thought it through and probably thought he would change your mind. I made it clear on what way I wanted any children we had were going to be brought up before we had kids as I wanted to make sure we were on the same page with them. It is his problem and you're not being unreasonable as he knew from the start xx

He is not a "real" Jewish then. In any religious Jewish family they would cut you off if you would have kids without marriage. Also, you wouldn't be able to marry or get pregnant someone who is not Jewish.
But in this cases men just using religion as a "tool " to dominate with his beliefs.

If it's for religious reasons I can understand his point of view

what…. That anyone close to him should also stop eating pork irrespective of their religious perspective?

I don’t eat pork or shellfish. My husband does. My children don’t eat pork or shellfish. My husband has never had an issue with it. When they are older (as in can cook or buy their own food) they can choose to if they want.

just like he had a baby with someone who eats it, she had a baby with someone who doesn’t and they both have to be respectful of that.

I would say, I will eat it now and again for compromise, however when baby is weened I won’t feed her pork. when she is in her teens it will be her choice and that you will neither encourage or discourage her to eat it.

you are going to have years of cops renting ahead. There are going to be things he may want to do and you won’t like it as much. If you will be looking for him to compromise on day then you need to start as you hope to go on.

Coparenting not cops renting 🤦🏽‍♀️

Her eating the food she wants is not him compromising.

Just be careful this isn’t early stage controlling and abusive behaviour; I saw this because once I got pregnant with my child my ex started these little things, he didn’t want me watching certain programmes because they disrespected his views, or reading certain papers, eventually it because he didn’t want me going out the house, eventually the threats started then came full blown coercive control. These things start so small but just keep your eyes and ears open.

Then you don't not eat pork or shellfish. You occasionally eat pork or shellfish. If it was a deeply held principle you wouldn't at all. I'm a strict veggie for ethical reasons and would not expect the father of my (hypothetical as yet) child to alter his diet at all. The time to have had those discussions would be prior to choosing him as a partner/ conception.