DD's dad wants me to give up pork!

[GrassIsGreener7]

The father of my child does not eat pork for his own personal reasons. I have always eaten pork and at the beginning of our relationship, made it clear I would still do so. I got pregnant and for various reasons we separated. Throughout my pregnancy, he started demanding I didn't eat pork as he didn't want his child to "eat" pork. I told him I can eat whatever I want and it caused many arguments.

The baby is now a few months old and I exclusively breastfeed her. I have still carried on eating pork and DD's dad is furious about this saying I am going against his wishes about what food he wants his child to consume. I think he is being completely ridiculous and so does my family but wanted some unbiased opinions about who is being unreasonable here?!

I was referring to when the child is old enough to eat solid food of course

I think if he hadn't approached this from such a controlling standpoint it would be fair to agree to not feed the child pork. However, given his starting point is so extreme you need to be extreme in your position too and inform him you'll feed the child pork every day to counterbalance his anti-pork extremism.

What next when your Daughter grows up?

So he gets his own way once child is eating solid and OP gets no say? Is that what you're saying?

So he might reasonably expect you not to feed pig to the child, if you both have the same religious background?
I don't think it's reasonable for him to tell you what to eat, but can understand that he wants it to be avoided for the child.

Religion should be banned. Causes nothing but trouble.

"@Redebs
I was referring to when the child is old enough to eat solid food of course"

Apologies I would have written my last response to you differently if I'd realized this. Thought we were talking about the mums diet.

Nothing wrong with him not eating it. Nothing wrong with dd not eating it when she’s with him. Or you not eating it if you eat with him.

but In your own home on your own time etc? So why you want.

This is a very good point.

No he couldn't reasonably expect that, because he will have known that OP isn't as strict as him. I use the word strict advisedly since he's evidently not observing the parts of the religion that forbid him from having sex outside marriage.

Just as something you may want to consider, and would be wise to in my opinion -
Apply for your dds passport and keep it in the safest, most secret place you can think of. I wouldn't put it past someone like this to attempt to take the chil when she's older to teach her more 'traditional' ways of living

You need to bundle up the baby and meet this man at a cafe, not in your home. Buy good quality winter outerwear for the baby and suck it up.

Letting him into your home has given him ideas about the role in your life he is entitled to play. You need to nip this in the bud. Do whatever it takes.

Tell him to put his remarks on the subject of the baby's diet in writing. If he has anything at all to say on the topic of the baby, it has to be emailed or texted to you.

If he says anything when you meet him in the cafe, you can tell him to put the remarks in writing. If he doesn't want to do that, tell him you will send him your notes of the conversation and if he wants to amend them he can, but if he doesn't then your notes will constitute an accurate summary of his remarks.

You are dealing with a controlling (and therefore abusive) man. You will need a record of his attempts to control you one day. Let him compile the record himself in his texts and emails to you.

I would hope that a hard nosed stance by you at this point (requiring written communication) will cool his engines.

Does he have parental rights/ his name on the birth cert?

Carry on eating what you want. If he wanted to have a baby with someone who doesn't eat pork he shouldn't have made a baby with someone who does.

The fact that the OP has a DD concerns me given this man’s attitude.

So now it’s pork, give it a few years and he’ll be demanding that she wears the hijab. Someone who is that controlling will likely stop at nothing when it comes to controlling their child, even more so if that child happens to be female.

As fr the poster who says the law is relevant, only in so much as that there isn’t a court in the land which would tell a breastfeeding mother what she can and can’t eat, or what she can and can’t feed her children. As long as it’s legal.

If your baby is not yet registered, DO NOT put his name on the birth cert.

Go on your own to register her.

The OP hasn't actually said he's Muslim. There are several religions that forbid pork. They generally take a dim view of sex outside marriage too, but that doesn't appear to have been a problem here.

She should be comfortable eating it when with him too. It's her body.

Same as if he tells her what to wear. Or what medical treatment she's allowed. She calls the shots as it pertains to her body.

Even if he wasn't her ex. Even if he was otherwise a lovely person and a decent husband.

She has ONE life. She must live it for herself. Bacon butties and all.

He could pork off?

He is going to discover surprisingly soon that his ability to dictate what his child consumes is extremely limited. He can control the good entering his house and even ordered in restaurants, but children are often eating without parents present at school, play dates, and activities even from a very young age. His daughter will be free to make her own selections at those times.

He's ridiculous. Eat what you like - maybe avoid eating pork products when he's around.... though I guess it would be hard to hide them if he has access to your fridge!!

As someone suggested upthread, better to meet in a public place, or is there anyone you would trust to facilitate meetings for now? Keep him out of your home as much as possible.

Exactly this.
Prejudices are showing a bit. If OP said they were Jewish, Ethiopian Christian or another pig-avoiding faith, then there would be fewer 'rub it in his face and mind he doesn't kidnap the baby' type comments.

Unless it’s something obviously harmful to their health it has literally nothing to do with this man what you chose to feed your child when they’re in your care. If he feels so strongly about it he can file for custody citing his reasons.

Not my experience.

Absolutely no way should you change your eating habits.

What's his beef with pork????