Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's dad wants me to give up pork!

268 replies

GrassIsGreener7 · 21/11/2022 15:32

The father of my child does not eat pork for his own personal reasons. I have always eaten pork and at the beginning of our relationship, made it clear I would still do so. I got pregnant and for various reasons we separated. Throughout my pregnancy, he started demanding I didn't eat pork as he didn't want his child to "eat" pork. I told him I can eat whatever I want and it caused many arguments.

The baby is now a few months old and I exclusively breastfeed her. I have still carried on eating pork and DD's dad is furious about this saying I am going against his wishes about what food he wants his child to consume. I think he is being completely ridiculous and so does my family but wanted some unbiased opinions about who is being unreasonable here?!

OP posts:
BestSelfBlah · 21/11/2022 17:03

Smile, agree and then eat whatever you like.

Kanaloa · 21/11/2022 17:03

Redebs · 21/11/2022 16:37

This is the kind of issue you usually get sorted well before it gets to this point.
I avoid pig for religious reasons and would be nauseated if it was in my house, let alone having someone feed it to my children.
The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.
It's not a massive issue for you, but is for him.
Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children. You could eat it when he's not around and wash your face before kissing him, if that's what you still do.
Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

That’s not what compromise means. Bowing down to an ex’s unreasonably demands is not a compromise.

They can certainly compromise reasonably by both feeding their child as they wish in their own homes. And presumably if you’d be so ultra nauseated at the idea of anyone feeding your child pork that would be one of your criteria when sleeping with people? You’d choose people who don’t eat pork.

carefulcalculator · 21/11/2022 17:03

YANBU to eat whatever you like but YABU to have someone so controlling in your house. I think you should stop inviting this man in.

IntrovertedPenguin · 21/11/2022 17:04

I would purposely eat a bacon sandwich in front of him every time.

If he cared so much about bloody pork he wouldn't of gotten you pregnant. Controlling muppet.

lieselotte · 21/11/2022 17:07

I don't like pork and don't eat it so I have certain amount of sympathy with him. But my DH and DS eat it. I don't mind as long as I don't have to cook it (I will put sausages in the oven but that's it).

As you don't live together he doesn't have to live with your pork eating so it's all very silly of him! Agree he doesn't get to control you.

Gumreduction · 21/11/2022 17:07

My son wants me to hand over all his Halloween sweets.

Not. Going. To. Happen.

Simple as that OP

SillySausage81 · 21/11/2022 17:09

Most people don't feed pork, ham and other similar products to young children due to the amount of salt in them.

What? You do know unsalted, unprocessed, uncured pork exists, right? Pork chops, pork loin steaks, pork medallions, pork belly... it's all just the meat with nothing else added

Ofcourseshecan · 21/11/2022 17:09

He’s not a partner at all! They separated during the pregnancy.

OP, am glad you’re no longer with this controlling prick, for DD’s sake as well as yours.

SirMingeALot · 21/11/2022 17:10

Redebs · 21/11/2022 16:37

This is the kind of issue you usually get sorted well before it gets to this point.
I avoid pig for religious reasons and would be nauseated if it was in my house, let alone having someone feed it to my children.
The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.
It's not a massive issue for you, but is for him.
Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children. You could eat it when he's not around and wash your face before kissing him, if that's what you still do.
Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

Then the onus is on you to ensure you don't have a child with someone who does eat pork. Also, what you describe here is not a compromise. You are all the way in the wrong and the advice you give here is terrible.

itsnotdeep · 21/11/2022 17:10

Well of course he's being totally unreasonable.

Have you agreed that your dd won't eat pork when she's older? Or is that still up for discussion. I can see that will be a very contentious issue.

Original poster
GrassIsGreener7 · 21/11/2022 17:11

Yes it is for religious reasons. I have grown up in the same religion but not as strict as him. He has always known this. I think her not eating it when she's under his care is fair enough though.

OP posts:
SillySausage81 · 21/11/2022 17:11

Redebs · 21/11/2022 16:37

This is the kind of issue you usually get sorted well before it gets to this point.
I avoid pig for religious reasons and would be nauseated if it was in my house, let alone having someone feed it to my children.
The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.
It's not a massive issue for you, but is for him.
Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children. You could eat it when he's not around and wash your face before kissing him, if that's what you still do.
Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.

An ex absolutely does not have any say in what a breastfeeding mother eats. Did you read the OP? Even if she was pregnant and they were married, he'd have fuck-all business telling her what she can and can't eat, let alone this situation.

SillySausage81 · 21/11/2022 17:16

Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

Oh, and if my husband suddenly came home with some dog meat to feed to our kids I'd be pretty bemused, however, if he was Korean and had always expressed from the start of our relationship that he regularly eats dog then that's something I would have had to make a decision about long before having children with him, rather than wait until we've got a child together then spring it on him that I want him to change his habits.

Notthetoothfairy · 21/11/2022 17:20

GrassIsGreener7 · 21/11/2022 16:02

He has come over to see the baby today and I was eating a burger with bacon in.

Show quote history

This was wrong of you.

Next time, you should be eating a pulled pork burger with crackling and bacon, and maybe a couple of chipolatas for good measure 🥓 (you diluted it too much with the burger).

Kikikik · 21/11/2022 17:25

KarmaStar · 21/11/2022 16:49

Not eating an animal that has led a short life of misery,pain and heartbreak then died in extreme fear and violence is not pious.

Oh look the vegan brigade. Dare you go research what the average vegan diet costs in animal life.

My pork is much older and happily raised roaming my fields and destroying everything for fun!

TheClitterati · 21/11/2022 17:26

tell him to go pork himself.

Don't discuss what you eat with him anymore

GabriellaMontez · 21/11/2022 17:26

Redebs · 21/11/2022 16:37

This is the kind of issue you usually get sorted well before it gets to this point.
I avoid pig for religious reasons and would be nauseated if it was in my house, let alone having someone feed it to my children.
The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.
It's not a massive issue for you, but is for him.
Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children. You could eat it when he's not around and wash your face before kissing him, if that's what you still do.
Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

What law is relevant here?

BeanieTeen · 21/11/2022 17:29

Well I guess if he feels so strongly about it he shouldn’t have had unprotected sex with someone who enjoys eating pork - lesson learned. What an idiot. You sound well rid of him.

Artygirlghost · 21/11/2022 17:32

''@TeaAndJaffacakes · Today 15:39
If this really mattered to him then he should have only dated/married women who follow the same religious food rules as him then''

This.

You made it clear to him from the start you would not follow the same diet/religious rules as him.

He has no right whatsoever to tell you what to eat.

Pixiedust1234 · 21/11/2022 17:32

@Redebs what law is that?

serenaisaknobhead · 21/11/2022 17:33

Child isn't only his.

When he has child on his own he can feed what he likes and vice versa.

EpicChaos · 21/11/2022 17:35

Unless he's offering to take over breast feeding duties and we all know he's not, tell him to do one!
He's just trying to control you and your behaviour, if you let him get away with it now, what else will he demand you do/don't do, for the next 18 years?
Asking someone to give up roast pork/bacon/sausages, etc., is the thin end of the wedge, tbh!

Kikikik · 21/11/2022 17:35

Did you ever say he was a bad pork and now he has PTSD about pork?

Conkersareback · 21/11/2022 17:36

KarmaStar · 21/11/2022 16:49

Not eating an animal that has led a short life of misery,pain and heartbreak then died in extreme fear and violence is not pious.

But he's fine with other meat, he's no pious vegan!

RecordPlayer · 21/11/2022 17:39

PinkyU · 21/11/2022 15:36

He needs to understand what breastmilk is, it’s a derivative of (your) blood products it’s not impacted by the type of foods you eat.

This isn't accurate though? Plenty of women have to cut out certain foods because of their baby's allergy. My little boy comes out in a rash if I eat the food he is allergic to before breastfeeding him.
But I still don't think OPs ex has any right to decide what she should eat. While she's feeding baby with her body, she decides what baby eats.