DD's dad wants me to give up pork!

[GrassIsGreener7]

The father of my child does not eat pork for his own personal reasons. I have always eaten pork and at the beginning of our relationship, made it clear I would still do so. I got pregnant and for various reasons we separated. Throughout my pregnancy, he started demanding I didn't eat pork as he didn't want his child to "eat" pork. I told him I can eat whatever I want and it caused many arguments.

The baby is now a few months old and I exclusively breastfeed her. I have still carried on eating pork and DD's dad is furious about this saying I am going against his wishes about what food he wants his child to consume. I think he is being completely ridiculous and so does my family but wanted some unbiased opinions about who is being unreasonable here?!

Ah just keep the peace and tell him you’re not eating pork. Then go stuff your face with lovely crisp bacon

This is the kind of issue you usually get sorted well before it gets to this point.
I avoid pig for religious reasons and would be nauseated if it was in my house, let alone having someone feed it to my children.
The law is relevant here, because both parents have a say in cultural matters like this and you are supposed to sort it out between you both.
It's not a massive issue for you, but is for him.
Could you compromise by not having it in the house or feeding it to the children. You could eat it when he's not around and wash your face before kissing him, if that's what you still do.
Just think how you would feel if he decided to start feeding the kids dog as a Korean treat!

I was only suggesting lying because he doesn't deserve the emotional effort of anything else, and it's a useful form of 'grey rock' with someone who's a complete fuckwit. But "fuck off" would also work, if you can be bothered with the fallout.

Just saying no won't get the point across strongly enough. He needs to come home to you butchering a pig in the front garden.

This

It doesn't make any difference if he is on the birth certificate. He can still make trouble.

You are in for a rough ride. He sounds very controlling and manipulative.
Don't tell him you've stopped, you give him an inch and he'll try to take a mile.
Just tell him it isn't up for discussion, you are eating pork, you will feed the baby pork when thr time comes and he is going to have to come to terms with it. There will be no further discussion.

He has no right to tell you what you can and can't eat.

If and when he has the child he can provide an alternative to pork. When she is with you.she.can eat whatever you serve her.

Is it for religious reasons ?

He does not have the right to tell you what you can and cannot eat.

Perhaps it might be best to have a third party present when he visits.

When he complains about his dc getting pork through your consumption just say that you completely understand it pisses you off that dc has some of his dna but such is life.
Alright don’t say the second bit but think it to yourself.

Please, please, do not ever even consider agreeing to his demands.

Dictating what his daughter eats when she is with him is one thing, but he has absolutely no right whatsoever to dictate what YOU eat. Or anything at all to do with your body.

I think I would suggest a contact centre for future visits. Then he won’t need to be offended by your lunch and you won’t need to be bullied about it.

Not eating an animal that has led a short life of misery,pain and heartbreak then died in extreme fear and violence is not pious.

When the OP is breast feeding she can eat what she wants.

However once she is feeding her child actual food then it is a different matter.

Most people don't feed pork, ham and other similar products to young children due to the amount of salt in them. When the child is older she simply needs to say she doesn't feed it to child in her house, not mentioning that grandma gives the child breakfast on Sunday and it is often a fry up (or similar).

Btw my dad didn't eat pork. He wasn't bothered if my mum ate it and they left it up to us if we ate it.

I gave up pork during pregnancy as DH is Muslim. It wasn't a massive sacrifice as the only pig I eat is greggs sausage rolls.

I suppose it depends on how your relationship is in general and how much eating pork means to you.

“It’s none of your business what I eat.”

On repeat.

I was going to come on and say he should have thought about that before he decided to have a child with you. It seems to be more about control than actual religious preference (if that’s what it is) I don’t eat pork for religious reasons too but wouldn’t expect anyone else to follow my dietary requirements.

I am vegetarian. I had been for many years before Dd and Ds were born
Dh is a confirmed meat eater
When we had the discussion about what way to feed dc it was non negotiable that they were raised as vegetarian (Ds now vegan) mainly because Dh was never at home for meal times so me making a separate meat meal for Dc was never going to happen.
(I am vegetarian because I cannot digest meat) FWIW I have never eaten pork. Partly religious reasons and partly because I never really liked the smell.

In this case though your Ex is being unreasonable. If he chooses to not feed her pork then that is up to him and what you feed her is up to you.

Maybe if he can persuade her when she understands more that there are better alternatives to pork then your Dd might give up pork herself.

He is BU

Your child isn't eating pork via breastmilk and even it was the case he has no right whatsover to tell you what you can and cant eat.

But you need to find another arrangement for contact. It really shouldn't be at your house. Dad can collect baby and take baby elsewhere.

Tell him to butt out and suggest he does some reading on basic biology/breastfeeding facts.

Exactly

I think you need to shut this down very firmly or next thing he’ll be going on about the baby not eating pork either. Practise saying a stick phrase- like “you can choose what you eat, neither me or DD have to follow those choices. This subject is closed.” But he sounds very unreasonable and controlling- I think you might want to find as many ways as possible to minimise contact if this is his attitude.

But it is a bit pious (not to mention hypocritical) to have sex with people and then after that demand they change their beliefs to abstain because you do so.

I’m a vegetarian. It’s important to me that nobody in my house eats meat… but I don’t enforce that by sleeping with people who eat meat then trying to bully them into vegetarianism.

He is BU and does not get to tell you what to do, ever.

That being said, it seems unnecessary to eat it in front of him. I assume he isn’t around all the time so for the times he is eating a bacon cheese burger kind of seems like you are trying to get a ride out of him.

I would admire his strong beliefs though - but they don’t seem to extend to finding a partner who shares them, do they?