To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

I don't tell my childfree friends this, but when people deliberately decide never to have kids, I secretly find them a bit immature, like they can't handle the sense of responsibility that comes with parenthood. You only truly experience adulthood when you have children.

I find these threads fascinating.
Because I knew I always wanted children and being a mother defines me (and I am very very happy with that!), it’s like getting an authentic insight in to other humans that might as well be a different species to me when it comes to our views on having children

Oh, dear lord.

^now this is just…. Odd!^

You are 100% the inspiration for the Pregnant Women Are Smug video.

(And your childfree friends know you think this, by the way.)

😂😂😂

Angela Merkel gently sobs and plays with her Barbies, Kamala Harris hides her head in shame

There are women running the world and changing the face of human history, but you’re more ‘mature’ and ‘adult’ than them because you’ve reproduced. That’s the thought process of a rational mind. Sure.

I know 5 couples who do not have children. 4 of them chose to not have any . They all have amazing lifestyles . They travel , eat out almost every night , some have second homes abroad . It’s very clear to me the benefits of not having children. I love my DC but bullying issues , SEN issues , school gate politics have all wrecked my mental health . If us mums were more honest about the impact of having children. , I think it would be obvious which is the easier choice.

You should tell your friends your opinion.

This is the winning comment!

Let’s leave my very simple reason aside and talk about one of my oldest friends.

When was 8 her mum was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. She had to take care of her mum, brother who was 3 years younger and and still go to school. Her father died when she was 4. We are from a country that has very little social welfare help so she had to rely on her small circle of support which honestly was rarely provided. She cooked, cleaned, helped her brother, she became a carer when she was supposed to be playing in the dirt and loving life. When we were 10 or 11 we had a school assignment, what did we want to be when we grew up. She wanted to be an air hostess (when that term was still used) spending her life seeing the world with no husband or children to look after - her words.

She’s not a pilot but she does have her own business and sets her own hours so she’s free to travel when she wants. She is married but stuck to her no children plan. I’ll tell her she’s immature with zero concept of being an adult! 😂

It's interesting to me from all angles. I want kids, like kids, am currently pregnant. However, the idea of motherhood defining me is wholly alien to me. I don’t know anyone (of the women close enough to me for us to talk about this stuff) who feels consumed by the maternal urge in quite that way. However, I get that it’s how some people feel and it’s interesting to hear about it. I respect your stance.

Similarly, the idea of having a visceral repugnance to the idea of having kids is also pretty alien to me. However, I get that it’s how some people feel and it’s interesting to hear about it. I respect their stance.

What I don’t get about threads like this are the people who can’t go ‘oh, someone feels differently to me about this, how interesting’ and instead take it as some sort of personal attack that must be battled at all costs.

Haven’t RTFT.

Isnt it enough that, just like the OP ‘always imagined having children’ other people never imagine children as part of their future?

My sister never really imagined kids as part of her life. She had a small wobble - or more of a period of considering whether it was really what she wanted - at around 38/9, when she knew it was coming to the end of her fertile years. But decided to stick to her guns.

She’s happy enough. I’m sure she could list many reasons why she is glad she doesn’t have kids, but none of those were reason alone for her decision. She just didn’t really want them!

I agree with this wholeheartedly

Haha yeah if that’s ‘proper adulthood’ - you are welcome to it 😂

your childfree friends secretly feel sorry for you @Snowisfallinghere

No, you do not, as evidenced by your ‘it’s unbelievable’ posts earlier. They’re still there and we can all see them. You’re the exact sort of person I’m talking about.

I think people who can't comprehend why one wouldn't want kids must have a very empty life and small imagination.

I have three kids but will also enjoy my life when they've fled the nest and miss my pre kid days. Oh the free time! Friends, hobbies, more brain space for my career, I'd live in another country half the year, volunteer for some charities close to my heart, have sex at 2pm on a Saturday on the dining table. There's loads of life to enjoy outside of kids.

So 15 year Jenny three doors down who got pregnant by accident at a party, still lives at home, expects her parents to look after little Johnny while she makes dancing TikTok videos is more mature than Angela Merkel and Kamala Harris?

Understood.

If you had them, you would stop getting silly questions about why you don't have them. Surely that's a positive.
Aha, gotcha 😁

@RandomMusings7 ahh damn, you got me 😂

Thanks for telling me what I believe based on your interpretation of my posts.

Haha good one. This is a joke, right?

But it’s ok for you to tell others you don’t believe them based on their posts?

Jeeee i'm sure that teen mom with no education, no job and no partner in sight is just sooo much more mature and sooo much more responsible than me! How lucky her kid must be!

Likewise, the dude who has 3 kids by different baby mammas who he sees once in a blue moon and doesn't pay gor is simply such a more evolved human specimen, just by virtue of having unprotected sex!

See how idiotic your opinion sounds?

Apparently so! @Snowisfallinghere had enlightened us all.

Because I don't want children. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't feel a void or a urge which society tells me I should fill with children.

That’s right cornhasthejuice. It’s why I’ve always been baffled as to why Karen Matthews never ran for MP of Dewsbury, as she’s so grown up after all.