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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hendo - Feel like crying!

521 replies

TeaPlzx · 21/11/2022 12:37

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

OP posts:
Namechanger355 · 23/11/2022 14:24

You’re being precious

sounds totally fair to me

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/11/2022 14:29

Brefugee · 23/11/2022 12:01

. So, for the sake of the bride-to-be's feelings, I'd just suck it up and not make a fuss. You really don't want to be the asshole who spoiled her hen do because that's something she'll never forget.

the person being shoved in the cupboard under the stairs isn't the one spoiling the hen do though. It is the one who CBA to organise either somewhere where they could all have a nice room, or failing that have the awkward discussion before they left for the destination. My feeling about why they didn't do the latter is that if that person then said "nope, I'm not coming if i have to have that room give me my money back" - everyone would have to pay more.

Agree with this.

In OP's shoes I'd be tempted to "test positive for Covid " the day before departure, and skip the whole do.

OMG13 · 28/12/2022 16:27

Mmmmm. Not fair but reasoning is ok bar the final decision. Should definitely have discussed it with you first. Is one option to share with mother of the bride or thee pregnant guest - in a twin room or is there room for a mattress on the floor there, so you get part of the benefits, ie nice room and en suite, albeit sharing? Just a thought.

Benjispruce4 · 28/12/2022 16:58

Hen do.

JaneJeffer · 28/12/2022 18:32

Yeah I think it's over by now Xmas Hmm

Quirrelsotherface · 28/12/2022 19:04

Also disappointed that this isn't about Jordan Henderson. There's only one Hendo.

AdobeWanKenobi · 28/12/2022 19:42

Benjispruce4 · 28/12/2022 16:58

Hen do.

Gosh I’m so glad you pointed this out all these weeks later because nobody else on this huge thread has and I’d have remained totally in the dark.
thanks.

SnackSizeRaisin · 28/12/2022 19:59

TeaPlzx · 21/11/2022 12:58

It's not so much the room size, or even the added extra touches, it's that my bed is a mattress on the floor. The bunk beds would only be suitable for kids.

I suppose I feel £300 to spend two nights on the floor just grates at me. I would have at least liked to have been made aware/given the option to share instead prior. I'd rather have shared with a close friend and have a decent bed, I think.

I think you're being silly about this. Bunk beds are standard singles so fine for an adult. And a mattress on the floor is no different to a bed once you're in it. An able bodied 29 year old should be fine sleeping in either of those options. The organiser is sharing a bed. You have your own room and bed.

JaneJeffer · 28/12/2022 20:17

@AdobeWanKenobi Grin

TeaPlzx · 28/12/2022 23:54

Knew I should have just gone with "Hen party" in the title... 😜

I feel an update is in order. The hen do was a few weeks ago and I had a lovely time. When I first arrived, there were comments by others, who were a little uncomfortable/surprised when they saw my bedroom was a spare/kids room.
The MIL to be actually offered to swap bedrooms, which I politely declined and I assured everyone I was quite alright with the room I'd been given. By this point, I genuinely was fine with it and really did just appreciate the fact others had acknowledged my room was a bit crappier. It also wasn't as bad in person as the photos had made it seem.
As the weekened progressed, I spent very little time in my bedroom and the time I did spend in there, I was (as many suggested would happen) very pleased to have my own space. A fair few of the ladies got heavily intoxicated and were up until wee hours and I was grateful I could head to bed when it suited me, without the worry of a room-mate drunkely throwing up on me in the night! 😅

tl;dr: Hen do went well. I was grateful to have my own space. Room wasn't as bad as expected.

Thanks all for your input and hope everyone had a lovely Christmas.

OP posts:
OldFan · 29/12/2022 00:54

Glad you had an ok time OP x HNY

Solonge · 29/12/2022 08:55

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/11/2022 14:29

Agree with this.

In OP's shoes I'd be tempted to "test positive for Covid " the day before departure, and skip the whole do.

Me too….it was a thoughtless allocation.

Quirrelsotherface · 01/01/2023 22:07

Thanks for updating, OP. Glad you had a great time in the end.

Augend23 · 02/01/2023 06:46

Thanks for updating - and glad you had a good time after all :)

harrassedmumto3 · 02/01/2023 09:50

YABU. I'd much rather have a crappy room on my own, than a swanky shared one.
Stop your moaning and just get on with it. I am cringing that you complained to the organiser about this.

harrassedmumto3 · 02/01/2023 09:54

MorrisZapp · 21/11/2022 13:15

Why do you need to sleep on the floor if there's a bunk bed? Bunk beds are full size singles.

Because she's determined to feel miserable and shortchanged.

harrassedmumto3 · 02/01/2023 09:56

And for those saying the organiser should put herself in the small bunk room, why the fuck should she?!

AdobeWanKenobi · 02/01/2023 10:25

harrassedmumto3 · 02/01/2023 09:54

Because she's determined to feel miserable and shortchanged.

And yet she had a really good weekend.

ODFOx · 02/01/2023 11:32

Great news! Thanks for updating 🙂

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 02/01/2023 22:06

Fab update

aren't you glad you did not cancel 🙂

SavoirFlair · 02/01/2023 22:14

harrassedmumto3 · 02/01/2023 09:50

YABU. I'd much rather have a crappy room on my own, than a swanky shared one.
Stop your moaning and just get on with it. I am cringing that you complained to the organiser about this.

I’m cringing more that you’re berating the OP for something in the past , considering she has literally just updated us all on how well she enjoyed it five messages ago.

so quick to put the boot in @harrassedmumto3 , guess the clue is in the username right?

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