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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hendo - Feel like crying!

521 replies

TeaPlzx · 21/11/2022 12:37

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

OP posts:
LoveBluey · 22/11/2022 20:16

This is why I hate group events like this. I'd feel just the same.
I went on a hen once where I literally only knew the bride, was really nervous about it but said yes and paid my money. Then got a formal invitation in the post (weird!) and it listed the 4 drivers who would be doing the 5 hour journey and taking the others. My name was on the list despite them not asking me if I was happy to be one of the drivers.

supertato32 · 22/11/2022 20:17

And this is why hen dos are such a crap thing to do! Your mate seems very self absorbed, why can't she sleep in the crap room? I seriously hate hen dos, the people they organise them mainly don't take into consideration people's personal budget and you end up paying a small fortune, when you could have actually gone on a weekend away with people you actually like!

Decent people don't expect their friends to get out a small mortgage to put on a hen do and they definitely don't shove their mates in a crap room!

supertato32 · 22/11/2022 20:26

@MorningMeditation this exactly! Sorry, they haven't given two shits about you and you're probably lovely and wouldn't make a fuss and that's why they've put you in there! I'd say something

Luckycatt · 22/11/2022 20:29

NeedAChangeAsIAmSoooOuting · 21/11/2022 17:09

Ask her to swap and see what she says.

This is a good idea, seeing how the organiser told you you'd have to sort any swap yourself. Swap with her!

I'm with you OP. It's rubbish that everyone else has a lovely bedroom and you don't even get a bed. I'd be really pissed off.

I also don't mind sharing beds, so I'd do this: send a message to the group, all cheery and smiley face, saying no thanks, you don't want to sleep on the floor. You'll go in one of the doubles that only have 1 person in them. If anyone in those rooms are funny about sharing, then THEY can go in the floor.

LuckyDipForTheEuro · 22/11/2022 20:31

I'd absolutely love a room on my own not sharing! It's a bit shit as it doesn't sound as nice for the price but it doesn't sound personal. Enjoy closing the door and not having some random person snoring!

Hen dos aren't package holidays, it's always arranged somewhat on the hoof by some friend of the bride who probably is juggliing their job and family and fifteen people's needs. It's not going to be perfect for everyone.

Luckycatt · 22/11/2022 20:32

All these posters who would rather sleep in the floor than share a bed with someone - OP you just need to see if one of the lucky single guests with a bed feel the same way as PPs and swap!

Upwiththelark76 · 22/11/2022 20:33

I’d be pissed off for sure . This is why I loathe them

oceanbleu · 22/11/2022 20:34

I keep reading the title as 'hen doh' and it's really bugging me when I see it in active threads. That's all Confused

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/11/2022 20:45

Reasoning is fine but you should pay less.

moggie22 · 22/11/2022 20:50

Such a difficult situation. You have every right to be pissed off. Looking at the photos it seems as if you're room isn't even comparable to the others. I'm surprised such a room exists in such a fancy cottage even if it is designed for kids.

But as you've rightly said, your options are limited. Either dig your heels in regarding a swap/refund and piss everyone off. Or accept the shit room graciously and feel short changed all weekend. I'm not sure what I'd do either.

As others have said there are some benefits to having a room to yourself. Use it as a dumping ground for your stuff and see if you can jump in with one of the others? I'm sure nobody will care once the drinks have been flowing.

YADNBU to feel how you do but equally I'm not sure I could make a big fuss about it because even if you managed to negotiate a swap or some money back I think you'd feel pretty bad then too.

FerryYaBerryLa · 22/11/2022 20:52

I thought initially this was a post about Henderson’s relish.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 22/11/2022 20:53

Yanbu. A discount should have been offered......must say I'm amused by the difference in hysteria when it comes to women hiring a.stripper considering the fire and brimstone being peddled on the thread about a few blokes going to a strip club 🤣🤣🤣

swirlypinky · 22/11/2022 20:55

They should have done a draw on arrival

Simples

Morestrangethings · 22/11/2022 20:57

TulipsTwoLips · 21/11/2022 12:40

The reasoning is quite fair but paying the same is not.

Yep, I agree.

User0610134057 · 22/11/2022 21:03

Like others I’d just be really glad I had it to myself and was not having to share!

Cas112 · 22/11/2022 21:05

I couldn't be upset about that no, your the most reasonable one to place in that room and to be honest you won't hardly be in your room except to sleep so it's not worth making a fuss over

StaunchMomma · 22/11/2022 21:09

I'd let them keep the money and not go, I think. I'd be pissed knowing I'd paid the same as others when I'm sleeping on a mattress in the kids room.

They should have booked a larger house if they knew someone was going to have to sleep in a child's room.

Chummychoos · 22/11/2022 21:09

I have recently experienced the awful hen weekend saga and all its pit falls and politics. In all honesty it will probably be a blessing having some space to yourself, so while I understand you feel disappointed about the allocation you might find it is actually the best room in the house 🤣

Brefugee · 22/11/2022 21:15

I thought initially this was a post about Henderson’s relish.

same! vaguely disappointed that it isn't (perhaps we should start one)

Morestrangethings · 22/11/2022 21:18

“That does seem unfair to be honest. As the Bride, she should offer to take the smaller room because at the end of the day she is lucky that you are all going along. I know it's her wedding etc., but this is added expense and in her position I would be privileged that my guests cared enough about me to pay out so much to spend a weekend with me.”

I agree with this opinion about the bride.

PickyEaters · 22/11/2022 21:21

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PickyEaters · 22/11/2022 21:22

Hen dos should be banned, basically. They always suck anyway. And lead to bad feeling/falling out/war. Someone is always hard done by, left out, too skint, ignored, etc.
Let's start a MN campaign to ban hen dos!

tillyandmilly · 22/11/2022 21:28

I wouldn’t go - just get a refund

MorningMeditation · 22/11/2022 21:32

PickyEaters · 22/11/2022 21:22

Hen dos should be banned, basically. They always suck anyway. And lead to bad feeling/falling out/war. Someone is always hard done by, left out, too skint, ignored, etc.
Let's start a MN campaign to ban hen dos!

I’ve been on some great ones. My friends are lovely though and wouldn’t treat others like this. We make sure everyone is happy.

And no strippers involved. 🤮

FerryYaBerryLa · 22/11/2022 21:32

Brefugee · 22/11/2022 21:15

I thought initially this was a post about Henderson’s relish.

same! vaguely disappointed that it isn't (perhaps we should start one)

When I saw the title I thought it had been discontinued 😂😂