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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hendo - Feel like crying!

521 replies

TeaPlzx · 21/11/2022 12:37

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

OP posts:
Georgiah82 · 22/11/2022 21:34

Everyone jumping in saying "this is fair"....WTF?! OP, I'm with you on this and I'm pissed for you. The only way this would have been fair, is if the organiser had fairly discussed this with EVERYONE fully before allowing people to pay their hard earned cash. She did NOT. That is not something that gets missed or forgotten about and I would bet my last penny that she had discussed with others and deliberately said nothing to you fully expecting you to be too 'nice' or not confident enough to 'make a fuss' and would shut up and put up. She has deliberately taken advantage of you. I would be making it very clear to the selfish organiser that I was unhappy and expected recompense. I would have preferred the option to find somewhere else and pay for a taxi than be lied to and treated so disrespectfully and lumbered with a kids bunk bed or a bloody mattress on the floor! That's just plain nasty and disrespectful. She just couldn't be bothered to spend that extra time finding something that worked for everyone. You wouldn't pay for a 5* Hotel and not complain about getting a bloody hostel! Not to mention you've given up your hard earned holiday/free time for this. Fully expect this person to not take responsibility for her behaviour and will try and make you out to be the bad guy for this too!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/11/2022 21:36

Why can't the pregnant person share, leaving a room free for OP and someone else take the mattress on the floor? Presumably the pregnant woman shares a room with her partner at home.

It's unacceptable that this villa was chosen despite not having enough decent accommodation for all. I'd ask for a rebate and go find a hotel room somewhere, with my own bed and bath.

If you feel you can't do that, then I'd request everyone take a turn in the shitty room, so that you only have to spend one night in it.

These aren't friends, btw. They are quite willing to treat fob you off with second-class treatment.

MorningMeditation · 22/11/2022 21:39

Develop a bad back. You will then be in the running for a bed. Bad backs are worthy of a decent bed just like pregnancy, being the MIL or being related to someone there. They won’t know what to do. Cheeky cunts.

Summerofsyn · 22/11/2022 21:41

Well why can’t see take the small room.

SilentHedges · 22/11/2022 21:48

@TeaPlzx I can relate. I was in a similar situation recently at a family get together. Large Manor house, slept 22. My only request as a menopausal woman was if I couldn't have an ensuite, then could I be allocated a room at least near a toilet. Instead myself an OH had the room the furthest from the toilet (a good 50ft night stagger away, yes the place was huge). It was clearly the worst room (the others were huge and beautiful) and it reeked of ingrained cigarette smoke, so much so the smell woke me up.

It sends a clear message that we're not that important or dont need to be "impressed". That's the issue.

In your situation OP I'd love a room on my own rather than share with someone else, but I totally understand how you feel and it has less to do with money and rooms, and more to do with being treated in a second class fashion.

Youdoyoubabe · 22/11/2022 21:50

I would probably suck it up. I would get that room because my friends would know that I wouldn't give a toss.

I would suggest making a bit hilarious deal out of it though. For example: invite everyone to pre- dinner cocktails in your boudoir tomorrow night!

nannykatherine · 22/11/2022 21:52

pictish · 22/11/2022 18:16

No you wouldn’t.

Yes I would

Ukholidaysaregreat · 22/11/2022 21:58

I read this as Hendo's - the spicy Sheffield sauce. Very disappointed this is not Hendos related. 🤣

Travellingraspberry · 22/11/2022 22:10

@TeaPlzx Do you think you might be able to ask if you can move your mattress into one of the larger rooms? I know you'd still be on the floor but will at least be in a more luxurious room!

Confusedfirsttimemama · 22/11/2022 22:10

I really understand your frustration and I think I’d feel the same in your situation. Their explanation is fair (albeit more fair on the others) but it’s a bit cheeky to expect you to be paying the same. Lots of people saying you’ll only be in there to sleep and that’s true but it’s also where you’ll probably be getting ready etc and spending a bit of downtime if you need it. Is there anyone on the hen who you can talk to about how you feel? You may feel better just by getting it off your chest without expecting anything from it. Good luck and hope you have fun x

Alvinne · 22/11/2022 23:03

rookiemere · 22/11/2022 18:00

Well done on your update OP.

When you get there, if anyone mentions their room and how luxurious it is, I'd ask wistfully to see it and then give them the grand tour of your box-room. I'd like to think someone would be prompted to at least suggest you have a few drinks paid for or something. If asked about the room, I'd shrug your shoulders and say "well I guess someone had to stay here" but don't overly downplay it as it is a bit rubbish.

Would you seriously do this passive aggressive shite? No one likes a martyr.

MsLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/11/2022 23:21

My old boss always had the policy that he would take the worst desk in the office. If anyone then complained about theirs, he would offer to swap. It’s a sound approach.

BlackberryCat · 23/11/2022 00:28

nannykatherine · 22/11/2022 21:52

Yes I would

There was a thread on MN recently where the woman did check into a hotel rather than sleeping on the sofa bed she’d been assigned and it caused a huge upset.

Is it really worth potentially ending a friendship over this?

Baconking · 23/11/2022 06:18

Luckycatt · 22/11/2022 20:29

This is a good idea, seeing how the organiser told you you'd have to sort any swap yourself. Swap with her!

I'm with you OP. It's rubbish that everyone else has a lovely bedroom and you don't even get a bed. I'd be really pissed off.

I also don't mind sharing beds, so I'd do this: send a message to the group, all cheery and smiley face, saying no thanks, you don't want to sleep on the floor. You'll go in one of the doubles that only have 1 person in them. If anyone in those rooms are funny about sharing, then THEY can go in the floor.

So OP should ask to share a bed with the organiser's daughter and still pay £300? 🤣

Brefugee · 23/11/2022 06:40

When I saw the title I thought it had been discontinued 😂😂

DON'T EVEN THINK THINGS LIKE THAT!

Brefugee · 23/11/2022 06:46

Is it really worth potentially ending a friendship over this?

is it really worth potentially ending a friendship by charging someone the same and then giving them the absolute shit option that is in no way remotely comparable with any of the other rooms?

It's like paying for the Holiday Inn express and ending up in the box room of a youth hostel.

FWIW on that other thread i was fully in support of the one who left to get a hotel room, and if i were in OPs position and had the cash i'd be doing the same here.

burnoutbabe · 23/11/2022 08:28

Why would the mother or law or pregnant woman want to share a double bed with anyone? And still pay £300. When there is a bed the other person (younger and not pregnant) can use. That would just be mad.

supertato32 · 23/11/2022 09:52

The thing i find bizarre about some of these 'is it worth potentially ending a friendship over' replies is, why would you want to be friends with someone who has no respect for your feelings. The best way to have handled this situation is for the organiser to say to EVERYONE that there is a smaller single room, which someone can have for a reduced rate! Some people don't care about rooms and would happily pay less for it! The fact the organiser didn't even make an effort to find a place EVERYONE would be comfortable in and then just decides who should have the shit room, suggests she has no respect for the OP's feelings! I would be over the moon if my friends all wanted to spend £300 on a weekend celebrating me and my wedding. I would no way want one person feeling inferior by telling them they're sleeping in a crappy room and expecting them to pay the same amount! And all my good friends wouldn't act like this either...

HarrietsweetHarriet · 23/11/2022 09:57

A stripper? Really? In 2022?
That would be me out.

BlackberryCat · 23/11/2022 11:33

The thing i find bizarre about some of these 'is it worth potentially ending a friendship over' replies is, why would you want to be friends with someone who has no respect for your feelings.

Because usually with a hen do, the bride isn't the one organising things. The bride-to-be will just want to turn up and have a nice time and have good memories. No bride-to-be wants to deal with drama and fallings out and people squabbling over rooms. So, for the sake of the bride-to-be's feelings, I'd just suck it up and not make a fuss. You really don't want to be the asshole who spoiled her hen do because that's something she'll never forget. It's 2 nights on a mattress. The OP will survive and if she's a good friend she'll make that sacrifice.

Brefugee · 23/11/2022 12:01

. So, for the sake of the bride-to-be's feelings, I'd just suck it up and not make a fuss. You really don't want to be the asshole who spoiled her hen do because that's something she'll never forget.

the person being shoved in the cupboard under the stairs isn't the one spoiling the hen do though. It is the one who CBA to organise either somewhere where they could all have a nice room, or failing that have the awkward discussion before they left for the destination. My feeling about why they didn't do the latter is that if that person then said "nope, I'm not coming if i have to have that room give me my money back" - everyone would have to pay more.

EmbarrassedNameChangeDontJudge · 23/11/2022 12:24

I don’t understang why the preggo one can’t sleep on the floor?
We don’t even know how far along she is, but even if she was about to pop, why couldn’t she take the crappy room?

I know this is solved now op, but I was wondering, are you the only single person?
Often times single women get treated like a second class citizen, so would explain why you got shitted on…

Flyinggeesei234 · 23/11/2022 13:34

HarrietsweetHarriet · 23/11/2022 09:57

A stripper? Really? In 2022?
That would be me out.

@HarrietsweetHarriet The thread is about the room arrangements. But full MN judgemental cliché points anyway!

Movinghouseatlast · 23/11/2022 14:09

Flyinggeesei234 · 23/11/2022 13:34

@HarrietsweetHarriet The thread is about the room arrangements. But full MN judgemental cliché points anyway!

Funny how there are threads running currently about women being devastated by their husbands having private lap dances. From what I've seen male strippers ate more like lapdancers, putting their cocks very close to women's faces.

Flyinggeesei234 · 23/11/2022 14:20

Movinghouseatlast · 23/11/2022 14:09

Funny how there are threads running currently about women being devastated by their husbands having private lap dances. From what I've seen male strippers ate more like lapdancers, putting their cocks very close to women's faces.

I am at a loss as to what this has to do with the thread.

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