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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hendo - Feel like crying!

521 replies

TeaPlzx · 21/11/2022 12:37

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 22/11/2022 17:46

Mumsnet ads are on point

Hendo - Feel like crying!
MrsPetty · 22/11/2022 17:48

Oh I really feel for you. I’d be pissed off too mostly because it puts a downer on the weekend before it’s even started! I suggest a mind set change. Get some really nice candles - maybe battery ones. Bring your own cosy with you … a nice blanket some battery fairy lights etc. I’d go all out to make my room the cosiest by far, the one people wished that they had and take one for the team. It’s only a couple of nights …

MsRosley · 22/11/2022 17:54

TulipsTwoLips · 21/11/2022 12:40

The reasoning is quite fair but paying the same is not.

Yes.

rookiemere · 22/11/2022 18:00

Well done on your update OP.

When you get there, if anyone mentions their room and how luxurious it is, I'd ask wistfully to see it and then give them the grand tour of your box-room. I'd like to think someone would be prompted to at least suggest you have a few drinks paid for or something. If asked about the room, I'd shrug your shoulders and say "well I guess someone had to stay here" but don't overly downplay it as it is a bit rubbish.

YDBear · 22/11/2022 18:09

Yes, this. If I was organising anything and there was a crappy room to allocate I would use it myself. You give the guests the best you have and make do yourself with what’s left—isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work?

nannykatherine · 22/11/2022 18:14

I would check into the nearest lovely B&B and not pay the £200

pictish · 22/11/2022 18:16

nannykatherine · 22/11/2022 18:14

I would check into the nearest lovely B&B and not pay the £200

No you wouldn’t.

WimbyAce · 22/11/2022 18:17

I wouldn't be happy either, you have spent a lot of money and the bedroom sounds awful. I would be embarrassed if I were the other guests.
Also re the pregnant ones, I was heavily pregnant and slept 2 nights on a sofa bed q happily, it wasn't an issue at all.

maddy68 · 22/11/2022 18:18

TeaPlzx · 22/11/2022 17:01

I don't see it this way.

Others have made valid points that, although yes, my room is considerably less "luxurious" and my sleeping options are questionable, compared to the king-size master bedrooms, many others are sharing those rooms (only preggo and MIL aren't sharing). If I request some money back (which I'd find a bit cringe and petty), others could easily do the same.

The other option is asking someone to swap rooms with me, which even if they said yes, would potentially make for an uncomfortable vibe (they may feel pressured to say yes but not want to) and I don't think it's reasonable for someone else to be forced into that room either.

I could request my money back and refuse to go at all, but this would make me really sad, I'd feel I'm missing out on what would otherwise be a fun weekend and it would probably cause tension between my friend and I.

Alternatively, I accept the room I have. I pinch a lamp from someone else to make a cosy vibe. I have multipe duvets and pillows to choose from. I'll be able to make calls in peace, I can go to bed whenever I like without being disturbed by a roomie, I can wake up when it suits me, I can dance about my room naked if I so wish. Putting myself in a postivie mindset will also set me up for a more enjoyable weekend with my friends. Being miserable and bitter about it is going to ruin the time for me and possibly other.

In hindsight, do I wish the organiser had spoken with me first? Yes. Was her communication (or lack of) poor? Yes. Can I change those things? No.

I'm glad you have reached that conclusion.
Enjoy your own space. It's really tricky being on top of each other. Especially with excess alcohol enjoy your weekend

Lynz78 · 22/11/2022 18:19

Can understand your disappointment but perhaps look at it another way the organiser and her daughter are paying £600 for their room. Also as you paid your money for the room you might not get it back. I never did for a hen do I cancelled on after the organiser kept adding on more costs.

Poppyblush · 22/11/2022 18:22

Dont contribute to the alcohol and swipe a few bottles to take home! They are CFs!

napody · 22/11/2022 18:25

Brunilde · 21/11/2022 12:47

Her reasons are entirely fair. Someone had to have that room and tbh with weekends like this it's the chance to have fun and spend time with friends that matters, not what your room is like. If you're going on a couples holiday the room might be more important, for a hen do does it really matter? If it's a decent weekend you won't be in there much

I'm another who was with you until I read the pretty watertight reasoning.
So the organiser is sharing? She wouldn't put her sibling (?) or whoever she knows well enough to share a double with in with you, would she?

napody · 22/11/2022 18:27

Saw your update. That's the spirit! Have a great time.

napody · 22/11/2022 18:29

Oh, and did anyone else open the thread worried that they'd changed the recipe of Hendo's relish and that's why the OP felt like crying? Just me?

kateandme · 22/11/2022 18:29

Your being a really good friend op.and putting the silliness of cost aside I think you'll be more than ok. Get to Lidl and but some battery powered fairy lights they've just got all in.itl make a nice cosy warm snug.
Will you post a link to the accomadation so we can see though.

JaneJeffer · 22/11/2022 18:31

kateandme · 22/11/2022 18:29

Your being a really good friend op.and putting the silliness of cost aside I think you'll be more than ok. Get to Lidl and but some battery powered fairy lights they've just got all in.itl make a nice cosy warm snug.
Will you post a link to the accomadation so we can see though.

She's obviously not going to out herself like that and end up in the papers!

viques · 22/11/2022 18:32

but if you cop off with the stripper you will be really pleased you aren’t sharing.

WHAT? I am just trying to put a positive spin on the situation…..

kateandme · 22/11/2022 18:32

JaneJeffer · 22/11/2022 18:31

She's obviously not going to out herself like that and end up in the papers!

Ah fair enough stupid me sorry.

Thinking2022 · 22/11/2022 18:33

I feel your upset but now she has explained don't let it spoil the event. Enjoy your privacy as you sleep. Hope you can enjoy the rest of the break

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/11/2022 18:34

I was wondering what on earth a ‘hendo’ was, so at least that’s sorted.

FWIW, OP, I think you ought to be paying less for ‘lesser’ accommodation.

StrawberrySquash · 22/11/2022 18:34

Saw your update, OP, very sensible of you. I think these things are always tricky because the rooms are never equal, but how do you do costs if you don't just have everyone pay the same? It becomes a nightmare for the organisers. And I say that as someone who often ends up sharing a room on holiday when others get their own because it keeps overall costs down for the group. I figure it's swings and roundabouts. Although I was a little put out one holiday when one woman started boasting about her fancy room when my friend and I were in very much a children's room. I thought that was a bit tone deaf.

momtoboys · 22/11/2022 18:41

The reasoning is reasonable but I would agree that you should not be paying the same as everyone else with nicer accommodations.

Whataretheodds · 22/11/2022 18:44

Good on you OP^^

Islandgirl68 · 22/11/2022 18:44

I can understand the reasoning for allocating the rooms, but you should not be paying the same. They all have 5* rooms and you have (the maids room), so I can see both sides, but you definitely not be paying the same. That's the problem when their are no twin rooms.

Solonge · 22/11/2022 18:45

You cant really fault the allocation of rooms...but without discussion? I went to my daugher in laws hen and was allocated a two roomed garden shed....for me and brides mum. I really didnt mind and thought it was quite funny....but different circs. I think you need to decide if you are willing to make this an issue... or quietly get on with it. It doesnt sound like they were being mean to you personally....