School keeps asking for parents to join in in the middle of the working day?!

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I am new to the whole school emails thing, but my son has started at a pre-school attached to a new infants school. Teaching is great, we love it. But they are asking for a lot of parent participation, which I feel quite trapped by. It will be a friendly request, such as come in at 2pm to celebrate the children’s achievements in the mini marathon. To attend I would need to take time off work to go. And if i don’t go will my son be sad that he’s one of the only kids without a parent there? It breaks my heart to think that.

The latest email, which has really wound me up, is an invitation for parents to join children at 12pm for christmas lunch. I have to pay for a lunch I don’t want, and take time off work to be there. And on top of this if my child would like to see Santa and receive a gift I need to pay £6. This isn't exactly optional as I can’t be the only mum who doesn’t join for Christmas dinner and doesn’t buy my kid a ticket to see Santa. Imagine how he would feel, for a teacher to tell him, no your mummy can;t come.

Am being I unreasonable to think that these kinds of things should be on a Saturday and legitimately be optional, rather than in the school days when many parents are working? or at least kept to a minimun and dates sent out at the start of term?! It creates such an unfair divide for children and puts so much pressure on working parents who already have to take time out for school holidays, inset days and sicknesses.

Yanbu to be disappointed about missing it.
YABU to think that school events should happen outside of school hours.
YABU to think that nobody works on Saturdays, while suggesting that an event could take place on a Saturday. Who is to supervise? Oh yes, those people who would have to go to work, and miss their own child's Saturday event.
Whoever suggested school xmas lunch as an emotional event YABU, countless people will be missing out on their actual xmas lunch due to work, circumstance etc.

It won’t be in the “working day” for many people, as surely people work differently, different hours, shifts, being self employed, working nights, weekends, flexibly and/or from home, this is especially true of working parents. Our schools move events around for this exact reason, eg they put inset days on different random weekdays, hold events mornings, afternoons, evenings. So as to not unfairly penalise working families who for example, work every Monday but have Fridays off, or work shifts.

Every family I know works odds and ends of shifts and here and there and extra hours and crazy times like ships passing in the night especially when children are small.

YABU for saying there are working hours and non working hours yet expecting everyone else to work on days you don’t want to. I work every Saturday and Sunday, what would I do with weekend events?

Why should the school put on something at the weekend? Do teachers not need breaks?

You won't be the only one not there. But also, could anyone else go instead? My nephew had his grandparents at Christmas dinner as parents were both at work. They don't live nearby so they all loved it as a special treat.

But maybe you could take some leave to go do it for very special things. Use the rest of the day to do some Christmas shopping without your son there.

My kid's school do this too. It's annoying as a working parent (without a SAHP partner). I am luckier than some though as I wfh and can sometimes juggle my schedule. But yes, I do find it frustrating, espeically in an area with a LOT of SAHPs that always make it, and it's also just a handful of kids without parents there.

I turned up for parent teacher meetings, the end of year assembly and any drama performances my children were in (which tended to be in the evening) and that was it. I also attended fairly painful music recitals - where everybody clapped wildly for every body's child no matter how wincingly awful it was on the basis that they would clap equally loudly for your child.

I've made 2 things in 10 years for my first, when I was off on mat leave with my second, who I've never made anything for. I struggle to even get to parents evening with my shifts. It's horrible at first but you quickly realise it's not just you who can't. Please don't worry 🤍

It's just one of those things. When I was a child my parents never came to any events. not one. I don't remember feeling distressed or disappointed by that. Similarly, neither I nor my dh will be able to attend anything for our children. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life.

Could you ask for a grandparent to go instead to some of these things? If not, I think as long as you pay for the santa and present the staff will look after him and he will be alright.

Mine is year one and I went to something the other day to observe a phonics lesson, only a few parents could actually go. My son was excited to have me in there but the children who didn't have parents there were absolutely fine.

You do realise that many, many people don't work "office hours" . Every wedding, party, school fair, hen party, family reunion, weekend get-together with friends,baby shower, children's show etc held on a Saturday I've been to in my entire working life has come out of my annual leave. But I was able to volunteer at my kids' primary school once a week for years on my day off. Most things are already held at weekends. Leave some things for those of us who will be working then, and don't make school staff work even longer hours than they already do.

Just don’t go if you can’t!
They happen at these times because this is when your children are at school. Weekend school events are not a thing due to that fact that staff don’t get paid to work on the weekends.
The moaning about this winds me up so much.
Schools have to offer this kind of parental involvement- it’s part of what Ofsted expect.
They are not doing it to piss you off. It’s actually quite stressful and disruptive sometimes.
Just don’t go, or send a grandparent if you’ve got one available.
Your child will NOT be the only one who’s parents are working.

Your child won’t be only one without an adult. If you want to go book leave to key ones eg Christmas lunch. It can be any adult - dad, grandparents. A colleague from abroad had friend’s parents who were effectively stand in ‘grandparents’ for things like this.

You will not be the only parent not there. Explaining to your son that you won't be there while others are is hard but you need to work. If there are other family members who can attend eg grandparents then he wouldn't be the only one with a grandparent there instead. This will be the same when he's at primary too.
Saturdays wouldn't happen because staff aren't paid to work weekends.

YANBU to want to be at your child's 'events'
YABU to want them on a Saturday - that's not practical or fair on the staff.

The pre school is U charging extra for Santa. Who does that?! It's normally the caretaker in a nylon beard at my kids school.

What do you hope they’d do instead??
Just not bother?
All the kids miss out on doing it because you can’t come?

It's really shit for the kids whose parents can't make it. I'm fortunate to be in a very flexible job, so either DH or I could always either move things around to attend or book leave. I found it really hard seeing the kids whose parents couldn't come, they looked so lost and sad - the staff were busy talking to the parents who attended, when really they should have been giving the kids without a parent there extra attention.

I do wish nurseries wouldn't do this, as even though it was really nice to see DS during the working day, it's not fair at all on those parents who can't take time off because their shifts don't allow it.

I’m a working mum myself by the way, I missed my kids celebration assembly last week. It was a shame but it doesn’t mean I don’t think they should bother.

What do you hope they’d do instead??
Just not bother?
All the kids miss out on doing it because you can’t come?
Secretly, yes. But obviously that is ludicrously unreasonable of me. Hence secretly. It would make it easier for me though.

I would do everything in my power to have at least one parent attend parents evening, Christmas concert and sports day. All others of a parent/grandparent/other family member can make it then brilliant, if not don’t worry. Your child won’t be the only one whose parents can’t make it.

Generally speaking it’s easier to work ft when nursery age (nursery open 7-6 ) than infant school age.
I’m always a bit bemused when mums say they will go back when they start school. Holiday childcare usually doesn’t taken until 5 and there’s lots of random days like this. I worked pt and had flexibility to juggle. DDs school did a grandparents day as they recognised lots of attendees and volunteers were grandparents not parents.

I don't know what the solution is, but it just seems sad for the same children who are always "adult less" at these things. And actually I do go - like I said I makea lot of effort to manage my schedule so I can go to most things because I don't want my kids to be the kids sat with the TA at the with a breadstick and a pear watching all these friends eat a home prepared spread with their mums (because it's always the mums) at the "parent/child picnic". It just seems a bit mean, so yeah, I do think they shouldn't do some of the things they do for that reason.

For achievement assembly if you are friends with other mums you can buddy up - Harry’s mum will clap for you (and take a video if that’s allowed)

I have a flexible job, but I'd hardly be at work if I went to everything the school invited me to at the last minute. A phonics introduction meeting this week, a meeting with the school counsellor next week, a guide to how they teach the times tables the week after, a trip for which they want parent helpers...

I've long stopped feeling guilty. I go to the class assemblies and the important stuff and the rest I ignore. DC seem to cope although the oldest keeps nagging me to burn a day of annual leave to support a trip, no thanks

Teachers already miss all (or at least the vast vast majority) of their own kids events , and then you want them to leave their kids on the weekend to give you and your kids a show or outing. No - that is unreasonable.

Go to what you can. Miss what you can't. That's what everybody has to do - not only you.

You absolutely won't be the only parent not attending. Lots and lots of people have jobs that mean they can't do this.
It would be impossible to facilitate on a Saturday,teachers don't work weekends.