School keeps asking for parents to join in in the middle of the working day?!

[artline200]

I am new to the whole school emails thing, but my son has started at a pre-school attached to a new infants school. Teaching is great, we love it. But they are asking for a lot of parent participation, which I feel quite trapped by. It will be a friendly request, such as come in at 2pm to celebrate the children’s achievements in the mini marathon. To attend I would need to take time off work to go. And if i don’t go will my son be sad that he’s one of the only kids without a parent there? It breaks my heart to think that.

The latest email, which has really wound me up, is an invitation for parents to join children at 12pm for christmas lunch. I have to pay for a lunch I don’t want, and take time off work to be there. And on top of this if my child would like to see Santa and receive a gift I need to pay £6. This isn't exactly optional as I can’t be the only mum who doesn’t join for Christmas dinner and doesn’t buy my kid a ticket to see Santa. Imagine how he would feel, for a teacher to tell him, no your mummy can;t come.

Am being I unreasonable to think that these kinds of things should be on a Saturday and legitimately be optional, rather than in the school days when many parents are working? or at least kept to a minimun and dates sent out at the start of term?! It creates such an unfair divide for children and puts so much pressure on working parents who already have to take time out for school holidays, inset days and sicknesses.

It's always been like this. Luckily my son has 4 aunts so between them, my mum and me someone was there nearly every time. Bloody annoying isn't it and makes you feel crap.

It must be on the ofsted agenda at the moment about parent engagement and participation. I work part time (teacher)
amd do attend primary school events on my days off but can’t on my working days. The last assembly I went to I felt really sorry for the class who did the assembly as for some reason it was only to parents and not the whole school. There were about 4 of us on the audience - the other 3 were grandparents. There seems to be more at the younger class things than the older classes too. We are often invited in for workshops (maths, reading) so we can help our children learn at home. I don’t need these workshops as I teach primary. But I’ve attended a couple as my DD is desperate to have me there but again there’s only a handful of parents and often grandparents there. Our primary used to do Xmas performances in the evening but these stopped after she had been there a few years and went back to day time ones. I now have to take unpaid leave to be able to attend. Parent guilt just gets stronger.

You are expecting the school staff to work Saturdays?!

Just don’t go. Lots of parents will be working. Teachers can’t take time off so they get it. But if SAHP or those who work flexibly can go to stuff why shouldn’t they - they work PT to do this stuff.

No one can do everything.

I feel your pain!! I receive constant requests to attend things during the school day. Including an email just this morning which stated, “if you would like to be part of the PTA please attend the meeting at 9am tomorrow”. Well yes I would like to be part of the PTA, but no I can’t rearrange my work schedule with less than 24 hours notice in order to attend the meeting. There are also meetings which I feel are more ‘compulsory’ in nature, such as school residential trip information or maths/English workshops, which are also held during the school day. I appreciate that some people don’t work, but most parents don’t or can’t decide to completely give up their career or their income. Why should their children be disadvantaged (or just plain disappointed) because teachers don’t want to hold the meeting after school hours? I appreciate that school staff should not be expected to work at weekends, but most parents have to arrange their schedule so that somebody is available after the school day. Would it be such an inconvenience to hold the meeting/performance/harvest festival/song/maths workshop/Egyptian dance/book reviews at 3.20?

Would it be such an inconvenience to hold the meeting/performance/harvest festival/song/maths workshop/Egyptian dance/book reviews at 3.20?

A lot of this stuff is for the children, e.g performance.nativity and to hold them after school means some parents would take their children out. It's not about parents, they are invited but don't have to attend.

Do you have any idea how tired the young children are by 3:20 after a full day at school? How tired the teachers are after projecting their voices all day? No one gives decent performances at that time, except once a year maybe. Really question how people can be on a parenting website when they seem to know nothing about children.

£6 for Santa? Moneygrubbers!

Would it be such an inconvenience to hold the meeting/performance/harvest festival/song/maths workshop/Egyptian dance/book reviews at 3.20?

😂

This is nothing new. It’s always been an issue for many parents. Don’t best yourself up about it. It can’t be helped if you can’t attend

Yes I totally agree these should be kept to a minimum. If it’s a social, a Saturday, or not at all. My issue is the lack of advanced notice as I need to give quite a lot of notice to book annual leave. It doesn’t get better unfortunately and can be very stressful. Unlikely you would be the only one who doesn’t attend though.

You will get used to it and not worry so much.

you absolutely will not be the only parent not to go. DH and I will each try to manage the very occasional thing but the majority of it we don’t do, it’s just not possible. DD says it’s usually about 50/50.

I feel like this at my kids school. Loads of other parents seem to be able to go to these things -
makes me feel awful.

When my child was in primary school there were loads of parents who couldn't attend school events. Sometimes a grandparent would attend but other times there wouldn't be anyone. It's an invitation, not a summons.
Pay for the santa ticket and I'm sure your child will have fun.

Gosh, “seems to know nothing about children”, seems a little harsh, unnecessary & derogatory!! I am no expert, nor do I pretend to be, but I do have 3 primary school aged children and just wanted to share my opinion. It was merely a light-hearted observation.

Well, you are not unreasonable to find it inconvenient, but you are a bit unreasonable to want things done on a Saturday. Teacher have two days off a week, and you want them to give one of them up. And I promise you, you are not the only working mother who is not able to attend each and every event, or even the majority of them.

I used to see a few grandparents at our preschool and primary school events. A nice opportunity for them to get involved if they live close enough?

They need to be school time because that is when staff are paid to be there, but you won’t be the only parent not there.
Having said that at our school many of us work but have flexible jobs or wfh so can come in for the odd thing. I recent found out a ‘school gate friend’ works and vice versa. One of the benefits of post covid London is that fewer people are full time in face to face.

The activities are during school hours because that’s when they are at school!
Some parents will go, some won’t, some will sent auntie or grandma, some won’t.
£6 for a Santa gift is reasonable. It’s a non- issue op.

Indeed, that was a weirdly aggressive comment.

My 3 DCs’ nursery always does Halloween, Christmas, and end of year events from 5:30-7:30pm so that parents can attend. Staff are paid overtime and seem to genuinely enjoy it (often go out for a drink together afterwards). The kids do just fine, even approaching bedtime, because it’s an occasional thing and feels special!

My older daughter’s school also does their main annual fundraising event on a Saturday. Teachers and parents volunteer, and it doesn’t seem controversial.

The school also does things mid-day every now and then. Last year in my 5-yo DD’s class, the parents of 23 out of 25 kids showed up, because most of us are WFH and have a degree of job flexibility. The two boys whose parents weren’t able to come (shift workers) were absolutely devastated and cried for a solid 20 minutes asking why their parents weren’t there. It was gut-wrenching and made me honestly want to boycott future school-hours events (although I’m not sure if I’ll be principled enough to do that, knowing that my DD would then be only one of three kids without parents present… ugh)

I think finding a GP, aunty/uncle or family friend to attend is a good idea. But I also think schools should limit school-time parental demands. It’s obviously do-able, no matter what other posters say!

My kids school does things like this and it's usually only 4 or 5 parents attending as other are working. I would just pick 1 or two events and attend. Overall I think these things are beneficial to the children

It's nothing ne. My DC are in their 30s now but when they were at infant school the Head was moaning about the small number of parents that came to a class assembly at a PTA meeting. I suggested sending out a list of dates at the beginning of term so people could book leave as many couldn't with only a couple of days notice. There was always a newsletter at the beginning and end of each term so it could be in that. Apparently that was impossible even though there was a list for the current and next term on the notice board in the staff room where we had our meetings. The Head continued to moan about low attendance/always the same people the rest of my time there.

I had a very understanding and family oriented boss. I went to all the nursery parties. I'd leave work and then go back. No pay was ever deducted.
Can you not leave and then return to work?
I'm not an American.

Sorry. I don't live in Britain.

Fun if you work a couple of hours away. Don't think there would be a boss alive happy with that.

There are obviously going to be different opinions on this one, but there is more behind this than taking account of everyone's interests.

If society is going to have a working population, then education needs to big up going to work. Already schools big up achieving qualifications, but adding into the mix an attitude of : 'Oh well, you chose to work. Hey, you chose to move away from your family to work. Losing one grandparent is misfortune, but losing two is carelessness' almost, is just a misalign.

It's not right that people should feel penalised for having friends who are all in the office and parents who are miles away or have passed away.

I think that everyone needs to acknowledge that there is a better way of proceeding, eg. noticed at the start of every term and not too many of these within school hour events.
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Schools are all about making kids feel equal, hence uniform at secondary level. Being the kid whose parent can't come is not nice, even if you are only in the minority and not on your own.

Taken to its logical conclusion, what has Santa got to do with the curriculum? What about families who don't celebrate Christmas and don't believe in Santa or are trying to big up not being materialistic? Philosophically, how does laying on Father Christmas pan out in diverse Britain? The kids won't feel happy about missing out on a gift. Wouldn't a teacher dressed up as Santa ana visiting the classroom be sufficient honouring the festival for the purpose of historical learning?

It's just a bit too much and over the top.