School keeps asking for parents to join in in the middle of the working day?!

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I am new to the whole school emails thing, but my son has started at a pre-school attached to a new infants school. Teaching is great, we love it. But they are asking for a lot of parent participation, which I feel quite trapped by. It will be a friendly request, such as come in at 2pm to celebrate the children’s achievements in the mini marathon. To attend I would need to take time off work to go. And if i don’t go will my son be sad that he’s one of the only kids without a parent there? It breaks my heart to think that.

The latest email, which has really wound me up, is an invitation for parents to join children at 12pm for christmas lunch. I have to pay for a lunch I don’t want, and take time off work to be there. And on top of this if my child would like to see Santa and receive a gift I need to pay £6. This isn't exactly optional as I can’t be the only mum who doesn’t join for Christmas dinner and doesn’t buy my kid a ticket to see Santa. Imagine how he would feel, for a teacher to tell him, no your mummy can;t come.

Am being I unreasonable to think that these kinds of things should be on a Saturday and legitimately be optional, rather than in the school days when many parents are working? or at least kept to a minimun and dates sent out at the start of term?! It creates such an unfair divide for children and puts so much pressure on working parents who already have to take time out for school holidays, inset days and sicknesses.

I was one of the mums who was able to go to everything including one lunchtime with child in reception. The rest were either 9am or 2pm. What I noticed was for the lunch, hardly any parents turned up other things about 50% turned up. For nativities and plays nearly all parents came.
They have to have them during school day as all children can attend and teachers are there too. After school, kids too tired or got clubs etc. Teachers are busy lesson planning, marking and general admin. On Saturdays there are other things going on and teachers need family time.

I should add, teachers wouldn't be paid to work on a Saturday anyway. There isn't enough government funding as it is.

I am a grandmother and recently attended a Harvest service which my granddaughters school was holding during the morning. Nearly every person who attended was a grandparent. In fact the head teacher thanked the grandparents for supporting the children. What I'm saying is the school don't expect working parents to attend.

How do you make doctors appointments, they're in the middle of the day

I think most of us get that doing things on a Saturday isn't practical. Most of us understand that schools have a parental engagement target from Ofsted.

What schools could do is not whinge about lack of support from parents at events during the school day. That doesn't help anyone.

I would simply ignore the constant invites.

You are working and can't attend. End of story.

Many parents will be in the same situation or have other commitment.

Schools just send the same messages to everyone on their database and they know full well many parents won't be able to attend.

A lot of people don't make GP appointments. They put off going, unless it's really serious. I expect a lot more are paying for the online doctor services, which they access at a time to suit them.

Well unfortunately schools aren't a service you can access at a time that suits.

When I was teaching I wasn't allowed to make GP appointments in the school day. I was once given special dispensation to make one for 8:30 am, and get to work half an hour late.

My head even used to insist that we phoned up to attempt to change hospital appointments! We all just lied and said we'd tried but the hospital couldn't offer anything after 4:30 (which I'm pretty certain the hospital would have said anyway).

That’s poor support from your head. I’m not a teacher, so please correct me if I wrong, but isn’t it times like this where they be should be stepping up to the plate and covering you? Why would you not want your staff to make appointments just because they occur during school hours 🤷‍♀️If health problems deteriorate then so does their staffing levels.

Ah, mum guilt is the worst! I promise you won't be the only one who doesn't go. Asking for a schedule of dates at the beginning of each term is a great idea, though - and a reasonable request. At least that way, you can see how many you have coming up and figure out which to prioritise. Is there a WhatsApp group for the parents? That can be a helpful way to gauge how many people are going to this sort of thing.

Do you have a local grandparent? That's what I'd do if couldn't move my hours. Most of the families will be working.

Awww, I think you're looking at it the wrong way. Your child's pre school is making loads of effort to include parents in their activities which they are doing because they are by the sounds of it, a lovely school.

Part of being a parent is taking time off for school plays and activity days. Luckily if there are 2 parents or close family - it can be shared out. But it always ramps up towards Christmas and the end of the summer term. I genuinely really feel for the parents who are unable to take a bit of Flexi but those that can, it's almost always worth the inconvenience.

Yes I went for my granddaughters. Christmas lunch and her sons sports day as they couldn’t attend We often cover for our other daughter to go to events .It was difficult when I worked as I was in a minority so no advance notice just a day before so I used to pray the bleep wouldn’t go off

I can see your point of view but, as others have said, teachers can't be expected to regularly give up their Saturdays.

I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to attend, or pass on this sense of injustice to your child. I can remember feeling quite OK about this sort of thing but, when my parents started feeling hard done by on my behalf, I entered into the role of martyr with some conviction. As others have said, there must surely be other parents who are in the same situation as you, and who won't be able to attend. Personally, I think it's good that children learn to accept that they won't always have what others have. As long as they get your attention, love and care in their everyday lives, that is really the most important thing.

Would it be such an inconvenience to hold the meeting/performance/harvest festival/song/maths workshop/Egyptian dance/book reviews at 3.20?*
*
Yes teachers have homes to go to and children to pick up, they never get to go to their owns kids activities!

A lot of schools do some activities after school- ones that are optional and not involving the children specifically, usually. My school holds the Summer and Christmas Fayres after school, also parents evening, book stalls, bun sales etc.

However, anything involving the children performing has to be in the school day or else some children won't attend it- so school plays, nativities, class assembles, harvest festival, family craft sessions, work showcases etc. can't be after school because some children will them miss out altogether.

My daughter started school in august and there's already been 3 occasions now for us to come in at 1.30 or 2pm. Luckily I wfh so I can take it as my lunch break or longer lunch break. My work are pretty flexible but I understand not all parents will be able to attend. There's been a few grandparents when I've gone in but I don't have anyone that cld stand in for me. I hate to think that she might be the only kid who doesn't have someone coming in so I totally get it.

The Santa/lunch thing I think is really bad though. Some will really struggle to pay for their kid to meet Santa. The school should just giving out a chocolate lolly from Santa or at most asking for a small donation.

My daughters school is having a party and providing a Christmas lunch for the kids and haven't asked for any money at all.

Ellyeth

Do you believe in non-school uniform in secondary schools, so that some can wear Moschino trainers and all top of the range brands and others can learn to get used to wearing cast-me-downs and looking 'other'? Do we really think it good to get children used to not having what everyone else, or the majority have got, or do we want to make all of the children feel comfortable?

Some parents go to work in order to show their love for their children and to afford a house with a garden, either rented or bought with a mortgage. They don't have as much time with them, perhaps, as other parents and as they would like. That's the way it works, but as a society, and schools are supposed to encourage this aspiration, we encourage full employment and career attitudes, in order to bring in the taxes which fund public services. We have to support parents who sacrifice a lot I order to work.

I don't see how anybody could see a sparkling, magical, musical event with Santa in his grotto than anything other than one of those precious moments in time which are usually reserved for families usually share. Getting parents in to school for these is blurring the lines. Schools could easily stick to education, for instance, a carol concert, at which children get to play percussion instruments, and those who can, read song lyrics. As one poster says, a chocolate lolly from Santa after Christmas Dinner would be enough to mark Christmas and to teach the history of the tradition.

To me, what is being described with the increasing number of events during the school day is territory for the school uniform arguments about trying not to foster envy and trying to make everybody feel comfortable.

I'm against school uniforms and dress codes on principle.

Wow you talk clap trap!

School uniforms don’t ‘level’ children - they know who’s rich and who’s poor!

Some children will never be taken to see Santa, or have Christmas dinner or be part of a theatre group - their parents won’t take them or can’t afford to take them - so yes schools have to step in and be the parent.

We did a geography lesson and one child had only ever been taken to Tesco - never the park or cinema or ice skating - never seen Father Christmas or had a bike -

Dont use the uniform argument for leveling children and dismiss ‘experiences’ they aren’t ever going to get anywhere else.

Allsnotwell

I made a point of saying that a stage performance with an educational angle was a good idea. Christmas Dinner has happened in school for decades and doesn't seem to be problematic. Santa and his grotto - a step too far.

Schools are not exactly stepping in to assume the parental role, if they are urging parents to attend the festivities. Festivities are great, but it is unfortunate and insensitive that really amazing ones take place at a time when working parents cannot attend - instead of at the end of the school day. Sad for the children whose parents can't attend, when the majority have a caregiver there. Highly insensitive of whoever arranged for this to happen without trying some sympathetic scheduling and without stopping the increase in number of such events.

After the school day would be better, because, after all, teachers are not leaving the premises and stopping work at 3.30 pm. Another thing is that homework and formal literacy and numeracy take a bit of a back seat during the last two weeks of term when the Christmas play is being rehearsed, class party held and little visits out. So less marking to do in mid-December.

What happens in schools with a diverse intake? Out of interest, are parents of children who practice other faiths usually content that their children visit Santa and perform in a Nativity play? I am simply genuinely curious to know. I'm not suggesting that Nativity plays shouldn't be performed.